breaking Narc code

14 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 20 - 9AM

Puzzle

breaking Narc code

I thought we should start a thread about things the Narc has said or said in our relationship and translate it to what it really means, now that we understand their little linguistic delicacies.
There are so many things that I can interpret as having different meanings now. I'll share a few.
Please add yours.

Here goes “You’re taking up too much of my free time."
(once when he broke up with me....P.S. I was seeing him maximum 2 times a week as I was studying and working and too busy.)

Translation: "I need more time to myself so I can look in the mirror, chase other girls, go on online dating sites and look for someone else who will put up with my shit. You are too hard work, I don't get what I need anymore because you are too busy, I'm feeling unwanted and need someone who is all about me, me, me, and me."

"You should start moving some of your stuff in when you get back from Melbourne."
(After 5 years he once again mentions moving in together as I'm leaving for the airport...just a passing by comment something for me to linger on)

Translation: "You're going to Melbourne without me with the girls; I don't want you to screw any other guys....so I'll dangle some kind of elusive and vague commitment in front of you to keep you thinking about how great I am whilst you are away. This will keep her hooked, God I am so clever."

"You are a drama queen."

Translation: She's on to me, I can no longer keep up this facade...living life as 2 people is really exhausting...this will get her to fuck off for a few days and question her behaviour and send her to the therapist, so I can have some peace, dish out the silent treatment and smoke a few bongs until I feel like I can pretend to be nice guy again phew."

"You should go to the party dressed as a prostitute."
(When I asked what to wear to a party themed 'what I wanted to be when I grew up.")

Translation: "Fucking bitch is having a life without me, better put her back in her box...make her feel like a slut...what is she again Madonna, whore, Madonna???"

"Wow that was the best sex ever...have you been practising with other guys??"

Translation: "You're a whore...hope you feel like one. You're good at something...must be because you're cheating...is she??? One step ahead of me maybe? Feeling insecure but can't tell her she is good at something without adding a dose of distaste. Must send her mind into overload to distract her from my insecurities"

#2 Jul 24 - 10PM

Erali

On Love

I never told him I loved him because he had never fully earned my trust, but he had many things to say about it: "Do you love me?" "Well, I don't love you" "Don't you feel me?" "You're so afraid!" "If you let go with me you'll be on top of the world!" "Love is the most beautiful thing in the world" Again, "Do you love me?" "Well I don't love you" My interpretation is simply word salad crazy making nonsense.

#3 Jul 24 - 7PM

ruby01 (not verified)

Easy!

Flailing his arms around. ExN said, "This girl likes me sometimes, and another ex likes me sometimes. Why didn't they like me when they had me?" Translation: "I like this girl sometimes and my other ex sometimes. Why didn't I like them when I had them?"

#4 Jul 24 - 6PM

Littleone

I love this! I'll need to

I love this! I'll need to think about this one!

#5 Jul 24 - 5PM

onwithmylife

this is kinda fun!

Narc 'you need to find some one else and I need to live by myself" translation: I am a loser, only you do not know that, I have had 5 timers to get it right and failed each time, just go away. Narc" you are probably thinking about getting a computer and doing cybersex in your desperate and depraved condition" translation:I have ED now and can not get it up so all that is left is cybersex to jack off to a computer woman, in MY desperate and depraved condition. Narc said' I don't see us together forever, said year one, we spent 14 more years together until i finally asked for equal treatment, the bottom fell out........Narc would say "I love you" after I said I love you, to appear normal, since isn't that what loving normal couples say???????????

#6 Jul 24 - 5PM

Brooke1

breaking the narc code

"I dont want us to be co-dependant with each other." -----"I dont mind you being there for me,but when you need support,forget it!" "I am a broken person, I have nothing to offer you until i get better." ----"I want a relationship,but dont want to give to it." "I need to work on myself." -----"Im finding my fun and supply elsewhere these days,and you'lle get my leftover time when i have nothing better to do.Also,while im forever "working"on myself, dont demand anything unreasonable of me, such as listening,doing things together,affection,or any of that other garbage that spells out relationship." "I'll call you in an hour." -----"I'll call you in 5 hrs, if at all." "hmmmmmmmm" ------"I dont approve of what you're saying and im judging you."/ "I dont like what you said." "mmmmmmhhhhhhhmmmmmm" ---"Why are you talking to me about your boring day? I only called to tell you how I was doing. Are you almost through?" "Some of my ex's were really mean." ----"Ive put my ex's through hell." "I love you"---- "im not done using you." "Im concerned about (so and so)and wish i could help."----"Some poor soul needs my words of wisdom,and i smell a supply."/ "im trying to annoy you by reminding you how NOT concerned about YOU i am all the time." Exaggerated confused look on his face:-- --unverbal invalidation (usually over something that almost anyone else in the whole world would understand) "Shall we go say hi to her?" ---"Come with me, so that i can look innocent infront of you while i check out this chic right infront of your face." "I want you to grow and focus and yourself,and have a life aside from me." ----"Im a selfish prick and im never going to GIVE to the relationship so get used to it." "No, thats not what i meant."- ---"I can sense that you have a problem with what i just said....so i meant anything BUT what it sounded like." "I cant stand it when we fight." -----"I should be able to say and do whatever i want without you making waves.Cant you just shutup and be happy?" "I miss you.Could we meet for coffee?" -----"I think Im losing my grip on you,as i've been off persuing important things.Can i come and mess with your head again?"

#7 Jul 20 - 11AM

Lobo555

"I'll call you

"I'll call you later." Translation: "I'll blow you off later so you feel like shit until you hear my lame excuse. And then you'll still feel like shit."

#8 Jul 20 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

happysoon

i got that one ALL the time!

#9 Jul 20 - 10AM

bakingfortherapy

an old email I sent NARC...

..titled "things you said to me over and over" (some of his explanations about the OW and how he wanted me back) I belong with you. I know where my heart is. My heart is with you. I will show you. You will see by my actions. Its NOT the right thing, It will never last. It will never go that far/long. I know what I need to do. I just need to do it in the RIGHT way. It is complicated. I have to handle the layers carefully. I want to talk to her dad first. She is fragile. I have to be careful not to hurt her too much. I have finally decided and will change things. NOW I really know. I am going to end it tonight. I am going to talk with her and explain. We are going to talk. I will handle it. Please be patient. Can you give me that much? Let me just get through this one thing/event/party/night. We will see what the day/week/brings. Some things are going to change. I am working on changing a lot of things. You will see. And THIS one... Every time I try to get back to you...YOU mess things up. AND finally, the biggest lies of them all..... I love you so much/ I love you/you are my favorite girl/I miss you so much.... I will fix this. I am fixing it. There are things missing. She KNOWS there is something missing. But she TRIES SO HARD. I know I need to make it right. You will see by my actions. I wont say it. I will DO it!

#10 Jul 20 - 10AM

bakingfortherapy

So MANY....

I could make such a list but I dont have the time right now.... The one I got the last 6 months was... "I am trying to figure things ( myself) out" "Please bear with me" "IM trying" (Yes, he sounds like a little boy..hes actually 48!) Translation: I am trying to get OW back because you have already served your purpose in my life but I STILL want to string you along and keep you in my life because I am bored and selfish and want someone to care about me, be my friend and be my supply!" "AND this way I can sleep with her and you and take total advantage of both of you. And I can do it because I have no commitments to anyone!"

#11 Jul 20 - 9AM

spinning

Yes, indeed,

black is white and white is black in their world! Here are a few I can easily recall: "I love you madly." Means: I love you on these conditions: As long as you don't ask me a question that I don't like such as why am I late all the time or who I was talking to on the phone while sitting in your driveway or what I lie to you all the time. "I'll call you in the morning." Means: Hahaha! I'm gonna make this silent treatment extra long so you'll really wonder what you did to upset me so much that I refuse to speak to you. This way you'll really learn not to upset the apple cart by busting me in a lie. "We will get through this." Means: There are many more hoops you must jump through before we get through the next hour baby girl. Lately the two jobs you work and your dad's illness are taking a lot of time away from ME ME ME and I don't like it so you better readjust your focus and start jumping or we won't get through anything. "I would do anything for you." Means: On my terms, of course. If I'm in the shower, working out, clipping my fingernails, ho hum whatever, that takes precedent. You can sit in your car with that flat tire until I'm good and ready to help you. Oh. Maybe I'll shut off my phone today so you have to wonder what's going on and you won't be able to reach me when you are having a crisis. Yippee! That's a good one!! YUCK! So predictable. NEVER EVER AGAIN!!! Puzzle, thanks for yet another opportunity to shine light on their darkness. Light beats out the darkness every single time! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NO LONGER AN OPTION. THE SICK FREAK IS DEAD. HE NEVER REALLY EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

#12 Jul 24 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

onwithmylife

SPINNING

cannot stop laughing, tears are flowing down my face, my narc loved the shut off the cell phone treatment, whenever he was mad at me, usually every other day, he would shut off his phone and then get madder if i left him a voice message, as it cost him extra minutes to retrieve the message, poor, cheapskate baby BAWL>>>>>>>>>>>

#13 Jul 20 - 9AM

sara-smile

Narc Code

My Narc only had one agenda and one thing on his mind..... What he said: I love you Translation: Let’s have sex What he said: I miss you Translation: Let’s have sex What he said: You are the love of my life Translation: Let’s have sex What he said: Marry me Translation: Let’s have sex What he said: You’re trash and you belong outside with the trash Translation: Let’s have sex after I calm down What he said: I love you and only you and the OW means nothing to me. She could never be you. Translation: Let’s have sex but don’t tell my GF

#14 Jul 24 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

onwithmylife

sara-smile

funny woman you are..........so true

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews