Everyone

Thank you Hunter!!! I have followed the link to his page. I have learned so much this morning. It's amazing! It's so so so helpful!

Wow, this was really interesting! It completely describes the pattern in "relationships" that I have seen in my ex-Narc (the idealization of the woman who came after me for example) Really insightful. I found the par where he says that the devaluation process is painful for both very interesting. I guess it's a huge disappointment for a narc when he finds a flaw in his source of narcissistic supply. My narc was aware that he was "extreme", meaning that he would put all of his energy into one person or one thing. His friends told him that (he does have a few friends). And I remember that when I got dumped (long before I knew anything about narcs) that I had a feeling he was giving up all hope whenever the first tiniest problem appeared (the video confirms that) What I've been wondering though: my narc once had a relationship (right before he came back to me the 2nd time) where the woman broke up with him BEFORE he was able to devalue her. It seems like this totally crushed him emotionally. Is there anything (video, etc) on this topic? Like, what happens if the narc cannot complete "his" cycle? In my case he idealized this woman for a long time (don't know if he still does as I'm NC). I'd be really interested to find out what happens to the narc's mind if the source withdraws before he can devalue it.

These are really great - Sam makes more sense as I get further along with NC! Just wondering...has anyone else noticed the little "man" icon on his door? It looks like a sign for the mens' bathroom! Do you think Sam has been relegated to the loo to dispense his narcissistic bullshit? (pun intended) Maybe the camera is sitting on the comode!!

My stomach turned... Sam V is so dead on accurate. I wish my ex N wasn't passive aggressive though. I got the silent treatment then dumped. If he had of hit me or called me names I'd have left in a heartbeat and there wouldn't be any lingering questions or confusion. I'm still hung up on closure :( It's beating the shit out of me.

What has been the greatest cause of CD and ironically which has also helped me move on just a bit is coming to the realization of this very clinical sterile description of what goes on. For me the "relationship" was real and emotional. For my N, the emotion was only on the surface and I was just supply. Hard to believe that there wasn't any caring or specialness between us. There was for me. For her, as problems between us would arise and she would be hypercritical of me, it was like the foundation of a house was being slowly chipped away. Eventually she just left the house suddenly. Her ability to just cut ties with me, dump me and have another bf within weeks who she wanted to marry told me there was nothing there in the first place for us. Painful at first and for a long time but also something that helps me to say, "How can I feel so bad about something that wasn't really there. If it didn't crumble now, it would someday soon." Not sure if this makes sense. It is hard to explain. I see my N, not as human being who feels and loves, but as a shell who knows nothing of emotion, empathy and compassion. She has absolutely no insight. Truly pathetic. Another thing about this video is that it makes me feel even more objectified than before. Didn't need that but so it goes. It's like we are not people with feelings and emotions. We are only fuel for this monster the N. So disgusting.

Excellent description, thank you Hunter for sharing this. They suck you in with endless attention and devotion and then WHAM, once you no longer serve a purpose or your usefullness is in question, they are off and running to the next one. Unless of course that one gives them the boot and then they come crying back to us. Basically they lack moral fiber, consciencs, dignity, honor, honesty, loyalty, and anything resembling "real love." They are a complete waste of our time, they are emotional vampires and blood suckers and major dream shatterers. An endless pitt, of lies, games, cons, selfishness, using, yuck!!! So what was the good part again???? Oh yes, those first few good moments in the beginning. Hmmmm, just does not seem worth the effort anymore does it??? God bless, Goldie