The OW

93 posts / 0 new
Last post
Jul 21 - 5PM (Reply to #65)
heritage
heritage's picture

OK I get your point. It was

OK I get your point. It was not love for him. I was supply.He will always live in the world of make pretend. Thanks for steering me straight.
Jul 20 - 9PM (Reply to #63)
Gullable1
Gullable1's picture

Dentalas

Read your posts, you have to let go. I know your hurting, I can see and feel your angst, I hope your getting prossional help. Stalking, drive by, obsessing is heading into a dark dangerous area. Hugs.
Jul 20 - 8PM
heritage
heritage's picture

Thank God for your post! I

Thank God for your post! I did a drive by this afternoon and she was at his house, then 2 miles down the road I drove by his offfice and he was there. Then I started remmebering how I would hang out at his house waiting for him to come home! It stung like crazy when I saw her car. She is doing what I did 5 months ago and I did it for 5 years. I became sad, jealous, envious, etc. But I also remember how his ex wife always looked so miserable in pictures because of the way he treated her and I eventually became his exw. He took me to events and acted like I wasn;t there and I was miserable. I became his exw. So today when I was so bummed out I thought she will become me. He his honeymooning and he is great at it. Did it to me for 5 years. So sparrow it's not about looks either? I saw what she looks like. They are both 5'7" and she has yellow hair. He likes tall blondes. I am 5'4" blonde, thin and attractive. So today I pictured then in his bed and him being so content in his rfelationship (she is recycled. he dated her 7 years ago for 6 months) I don't want bad for her, but for him I wish nothing but the worst. He is evil and doesn't deserve good, period! Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Sparrow. (u are in Nj right?)
Jul 20 - 9PM (Reply to #60)
Gullable1
Gullable1's picture

One more thing

Not judging, here... Just concerned.
Jul 20 - 8PM (Reply to #59)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

She looks exhausted

The ex-Psych prof's wife has been married to him for a decade. I saw a pic of her (I met her a dozen years ago);she looks exhausted, and kind of prematurely aged for her early 40s. I don't envy her. I don't hate her (she doesn't deserve it, the ex-P wanted the love triangle, it's ALL HIS FAULT, and all the narcissistic injuries I inflicted on him on account of it, are ALL HIS FAULT) I feel compassion for her. I do not know if she's a fellow Narc like him (he wanted one as a partner);I will not judge her because I do not know. Judges dismiss cases when there are insufficient facts. I feel compassion for her. She is my sister.
Jul 20 - 3AM
CathyAust
CathyAust's picture

I needed to read your post on

I needed to read your post on the ow tonight. Thank you. Off to the gym to focus on me and my health. You are so right and I trust you sparrow. Bless xx
Jul 20 - 7AM (Reply to #57)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

YOU GO GIRL! KEEP UP THE

YOU GO GIRL! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND HAVE A GREAT WORKOUT! SMILES
Jul 20 - 1AM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

thank you Sparrow. Perfect.

thank you Sparrow. Perfect. We all obsess about OW and needn't. thx so much
Jul 19 - 4PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

I was replaced by my Narcs

I was replaced by my Narcs daughter actually I dont think I ever stood a chance against her.. She was and is his major enabler. ( he had other women on the side too) shes nearly 30 and I think he was correct when he said "shes just like me" He slept with her regularly as I found out recently, and shared emotional details only with her. I hope they get each others diseases. I am too good a person to even feel anything but disgust for anyone that is unfortunate enough to cross his path. I've said this before many times. We do a great disservice to all women , when we call the OW a slut or ugly, or old or fat. she is no different to us, the answer lies in his deception not in the new victim. Put the blame where it belongs.!
Jul 20 - 7AM (Reply to #53)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

FOOLED NO LONGER

Did you say he "slept" with his daughter regularly? Meaning "slept"?
Jul 24 - 3AM (Reply to #54)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

yes slept. As to those of you

yes slept. As to those of you who asked if the warning bells went off yes, they became fire alarms. As soon as I knew this in my own instinct, I stopped having an relations with him that was a year ago. I confronted him his explanations and smear campagain were all the proof I needed. His family think Im mad. as to those of you you asked to report him to the authorities. What authoritiies? shes nearly 30, and even if his exwife had a clue which she denies, I've spoken to her, she just said in this culture its normal for a parent to share bed with child, incest is never reported, hardly ever, even in America. my Question to them was "well why didnt he share a bed with his son then.? Even if you were 100% certain incest is almost impossible to prove. whether there was actual penetration or not is not important to me. It happened a lot. and she would never ever rat on him she herself is a Narc this daughter. SAm Vaknin talks about the N infecting those close to him with a virus, the virus of pathology. She is a carbon copy of him it took a long time for the fog to clear as to see this. incest is so well buried. the women who discover it and try to report it are often threatened or killed. in this culture it is rampant. Heres the moment when I discoverdnline after asking question online , it was before I found this forum. Adult daughter sharing a bed with her divorced dad Im concerned my partner who is 50 and divorced with an adult 27yr old daughter is sharing a bed with her while i am away for a week. she came up for the weekend. there is a spare room with a perfectly comfortable double bed in it but she has chosen instead to sleep with her dad in my bed when im away. i dont feel comfortable about this and feel its not appropriate. I only found out today when I asked if he had made up the spare room for her and he said she was sleeping in our bed with him. this man has been my patner for 8 yrs. I want to call him back with an opinion on this so please tell me yr opinion on whether this is appropriate? or just plain wrong which is what my instinct tell me. help? Email To Friend What do you think? Next >> Does this story fit one of these flags? If so, click it! [Best Of] [Funny] [Interesting] [Weird] [Vulgar] [F*cked Up] [Inappropriate] Comments (26) Ihave2try (42218) Not normal! Reply 1 Lizbit (42468) Not normal! I'm 28 and close to my dad. We do watch movies/tv in my parents bed on occasion (usually cause my mom has something on in the other room neither of us want to watch). But I wouldn't spend the night in his bed. Especially if he was married to some one other than my mom. Yes he did tell you but it wasn't till you asked about the spare room. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. There's probably nothing going on but it's still not normal!! Reply 1 yayasaga (44037) Ok I'm a 24 year old woman who is also very close with my family and feel comfortable with my dad. However I would never choose to sleep in the same bed as him especially if there was another bed in another room. It sounds creepy to me and prob not normal wheather something is going on or not. As far as the comment about you feeling ashamed for thinking that way and tainting a pure father daughter relationship blah blah blah stuff, well that must hav been a man who wrote that. Ignore it. Reply 1 ratzruletheworld!!! (44184) Um . . . there is something wrong with this picture. It's kind of weird, and I'm sorry, but a little disturbing to me. No offense to anyone who approoves. Just a little bit strange. Reply 1 ValerieHills (44190) I would say it's normal. Probably since he's divorced, and she probably might not talk to her mom a lot. I think you should confront them both and tell them how you feel. But I think it's pretty normal and I'm sure they're not having sex if that's what you think. If they sleep in the same bed together, then that means they probably have a very close relationship. Reply 1 Eva_Braun88 No this is NOT normal. I don't care how close family members are, you don't sleep in the same bed with them when you are older. I think you need to find out what's really going on and find out fast. Reply 1 MercedesBenz (42649) My mother came to visit me and slept in my bed with me because I have a tempurpedic bed. I am 23 yrs old. It was for two days. 23 is technically an adult but some people may be more of a child at 23 still. I guess it all depends. Reply 1 mplichta (44274) That's messed up Reply 1 randomjelly (42235) You said "partner". Is this a gay relationship? If so then I suppose this could be looked upon as a daughter sleeping with her mother. If this is not the case...then yes it is extremely odd. I too would feel very uncomfortable with this situation. Reply 1 worrier (44129) no this is my man partner not Gay partner we will marry soon after 8 years we were waiting for documents etc. this is italy after all! so i dont think she should do this as she wouldnt do it if I was there. I spoke to him last night and said men have erections in their sleep withiut knowing and this could be embarassing. he agreed to make up the other bed. i still think its wrong even uf its innocent. she sees him at least once every 3 weeks. but her boyfriend is always around. She lives with her mother even now. Reply 1 worrier (44129) well he just turned on me and said iwas obsessed and he sees no problem with it. the daughter was spared even knowing that we disussed this and has now returned home. i am returning home on a long haul flight for 12 hours plus connections with his anger at being asked gently about this. im feeling like my instincts are right. most of the daughters who wrote comments on here said they would choose not to sleep in their fathers bed with him. so the fact that this didnt even cross their minds as strange. leads to believe its not as innocent as they would gave us believe. "A dog that fights is a dog that bites" telling me that everyone elses opinion is wrong raises a red flag. Reply 1 Lizbit (42468) Trust your instincts. They very rarely lead you wrong. Also, it's just a thought, maybe talk with your step-daughter-to-be about the situation. Perhaps ask her why/if she likes to share a bed with her dad. Maybe she feels like she'll offend him if she sleeps elsewhere. Which would still be odd but it may help you figure out what is going on. Also as to the comment about the girl sharing a bed with her mum: I think it's a bit more normal for a girl/woman to share with mum than dad. My mum and I have done that a few years back when the hotel we stayed in had only one bed. It might not be fair but it seems leas icky for mum/ daughter to share than dad/daughter. Good luck with all of this! Reply 1 MercedesBenz (42649) Two more ladies from my work say absolutely not normal. Reply 1 randomjelly (42235) Thanks for clearing up the partner question I had. Yes, this is definitely odd. I would sleep on the floor before I would sleep with my father and he would do the same. Since there are other rooms for her to sleep in their arrangment does make my skin crawl. You're in a tough situation and even if he didn't agree that it is weird out of respect for you he should have made a change. That may be a bigger worry...his lack of respect for you feelings. Oh and I agree with the comment that men get random erections and how that could make things uncomfortable!! Reply 1 Wotisnormal (45420) It is wrong on lots of levels and you are perfectly normal for feeling this way. For one thing she and he are not taking your feelings into account. They must know it's not normal or they would do it in-front of you. I think you are right to be concerned, I would definately be. Reply 1 Mr_Don123 (45717) lol its normal its his daughter x.x dont think nasty im sure he wont just fuck her comeon XD Reply 1 surftolive (43684) He is a perv. Run for the hills. Reply 1 bleach_baby (49321) WTF THAT IS INSANE, really insane, i cant believe 18 percent of people thjought this was normal! Reply 1 worrier (44129) So the follow, up this was never resolved it still makes me uncomfortable, As someone above said his lack of respect for my feelings is the real issue. We were at his parents house and I called him on something he did that was very disrespectful of me, he shouted at me in front of them, and then went outside with his 40 year old sister and told her I was crazy because I see things that are not there and that I accused him of having sex with his 23 year old daughter, just because she sleeps with him. The entire family turned against me, as I never got a chance to defend myself since I never knew he told her this, he told me later in the car and said it served me right for attacking him when I said he was being disrespectful to me. This was on the day of our wedding celebration with his family that I had to organize, as they live far from us, we had married 2 months prior, The next weeks were horrific as I received awful letters from his family saying how could I not see what a saint this man is. I am really starting to listen to the little voice inside, which is becoming a shout, and I see his manipulations now. When we met after 6 months, he told me his deep dark secret, That he had shared with no one else not even his ex-wife. When he was 13 he molested a six year old girl, he said he kept it to himself and never had therapy, and only his parents knew. He explained it away as being a terrible mistake, and he was only a child, and says shes fine now. I'm finding it hard to believe his version in absence of the facts, and recent events, since I feel he tried to hook me in by telling only me about this secret. Should I confront his family with this fact and his previous infaithfullness in his previous marriage, which he also explained away to me as incompatibility. I am cut off from them now anyway. Ive discovered this man has a narcissistic disorder. And Im suffering. I appreciate your view points. please dont post stupid comments. this is a serious situation. Reply 1 SillyKitty55 (43791) aww did u take my comment off! i don't see it anymore:( anyways i am so sorry that your going through this. this is not good. maybe you can try to get this person(guy) involuntarily committed to a psych? he sounds like my x eww Reply 1 8Serene8 (53130) You should have never married this guy in the first place. Especially if he shared that he molested that girl when he was younger. Reply 1 jbmitchell999 (43579) Not normal, but not necessarily wrong. I would feel a little weird if one of my adult daughters slept in my bed, but the LAST thing I would think about would be sex! Reply 1 pinksexy11 (61316) Yuck I would never! Reply 1 UnderDogg (66378) Yep! Hes fucking her, that part is quite obvious. And they both are probably liking it. So either ditch the dude or join in on the fun. Reply 1 OatmealCP (71387) OKAY first of all- I don't think that he is having sex with her. I think if he was actually having sex with her, he would be more hesitant to tell you that they were sharing a bed. However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't WANT to have sex with her. He could have encouraged the daughter to sleep beside him to satisfy whatever perverted thoughts were in his head. Who knows what he could have been thinking/doing to himself as his daughter slept. Yuck... I think it's a good thing that the family knows of your suspicions now because even if they don't believe you, at least they will have it in their heads so they could look out for warning signs. ESPECIALLY now that you say he has molested a young girl in his past. I realize that he was young and kids do stupid things (especially during the height of their sexual curiosity) But outright molestation? And he didn't get help for it either? I dunno... Last but not least, the fact that he acted so completely defensive when all you did was bring it up in a calm manner as something that bothered you, is VERY telling. You did nothing wrong here. And as a 21 year old female, I can say that I would definitely never sleep in my father's bed. I think it's possible that she didn't necessarily choose to, but her father kept "suggesting" it and she didn't wanna seem rude or something. You never know. Reply 1 warriorindian (81068) Hey the most important thing !! do a ref check from his ex wife if you can trace her. That would spill the beans about his character or behavioural aspect.Also, this guy could be inside a lonely man who is so damn insecure and maybe daughter is the only precious friend he has had or assumes to have.. and the daughter maybe innocent and in the absence of mom , hasnt learnt the sensitivity that its not ok to sleep on same bed...after all its her dad! and she has a boyfriend to take care of sexual needs. This is the most harmless view if you were to see this as positive.On the other hand maybe the guy might have felt insulted at a blatant accusation and of course he would defend himself before some day you would give him away to his sister or somebody about the negative aspect of this sleeping arrangement.The answers it all. This was a posting by someone else on another forum I found by some else, who discovered this problem. My husband and my stepdaughter have a history of what some might call a weird relationship. Others call it normal.She's 13 now but when she was as old as 9 he was sitting in the bathroom with her while she bathed and she was still parading around naked in front of him.When they spend time together she always lies on top of him or all over him somehow. I should share that I was abused by someone when I was a kid.My memories of it are fuzzy and I tried therapy for it but it didn't help much.I was fine with sex other than sleeping around a little bit as a teen.The abuse didn't have negative affects on my marriage or our physical relationship.Until stepdaughter got older and my husband wouldn't stop treating her like she was still 3.That's when the trouble started.He would sit in the bathroom with her while she was bathing or showering then he would sit on her bed and talk to her while she was drying off and putting her pajamas on for the night.Then he would lie in bed with her for a while.then he'd come downstairs to be with me but a few minutes later he'd be back in her room saying he needed to tuck her in before she fell asleep. he still does all that stuff but no longer helps her with pajamas and bathtime.The longer this goes on the less attracted to him I am.I went out of town for a funeral and when I came home I found her pillow on the bed I share with my husband.So I asked him about it.He says oh "daughter" wanted to sleep with me while you were gone. WTF??So you let your 13 year old daughter share OUR bed while I was out of town?The bed we have sex in??Why did she feel the need to jump into my spot the very second I was out of town? I don't want to touch him.I don't want him to touch me.Even looking at him makes me want to throw up.I'm afraid we're never going to have sex again and I've already started fantasizing about other men because I'm so unsatisfied and sickened by him.We used to have such a nice marriage.Lots of sex and communication but this thing with his daughter is freaking me out.How do I know if this is normal daddy daughter behavior?What do I do if I can't stand the thought of my husband touching me and I never want to have sex in our bed again?
Jul 20 - 3AM (Reply to #51)
empath
empath's picture

WTF...he slept with his own DAUGHTER???

What a sick disordered bastard! OMG...aren't all of the warning bells and whistles going off in your head? This man is obviously extremely deviant and disordered and beyond all hope! Who is there to help deprogram his daughter from his manipulation and abuse? She needs some serious counseling!!! OMG this is tragic and unbelievable. I wish I could take back having read that.
Jul 20 - 10PM (Reply to #52)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I couldn't agree more

He should be reported to the authorities.......I guess she is a consenting adult, but still........this has to be the most disturbing thing I have read thus far. My heart bleeds......
Jul 19 - 5PM (Reply to #47)
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Is it just me, or did you

Is it just me, or did you said Narc`s "Daughter"? Did he screw his own daughter? X.x
Jul 20 - 12AM (Reply to #48)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Greengirl yeah I was

Greengirl yeah I was wondering the same thing! This guy was screwing his daughter???
Jul 20 - 7AM (Reply to #49)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Ha!

I guess I typed that question too quickly.............I see others asked the same thing. This is serious. STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM THAT SICK BASTARD AS YOU CAN! ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WHAT SO EVER!
Jul 20 - 8AM (Reply to #50)
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

This subject totally deserves

This subject totally deserves a new topic, but I guess that would be Foolednolonger`s decision, in case she wants to share with us some more details. If that is true, that you`ve been replaced by your Ns daughter, it is shocking indeed..but not so much, when the main character is a Narc. I reemmber some stuff my ex N used to tell in his songs, back when we were in a post break up phase. As to understand these twisted heads better. Brown shoes don`t make it - song by Frank Zappa, some idol of his, total Narc AND total pervert; "Brown shoes don't make it Brown shoes don't make it Quit school, why fake it? Brown shoes don't make it? TV dinner by the pool Watch your brother grow a beard Got another year of school You're OK, he's too weird Be a plumber He's a bummer He's a bummer every summer Be a loyal plastic robot For a world that doesn't care Smile at every ugly Shine on your shoes and cut your hair Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work Do your job, and do it right Life's a ball! (TV tonight!) Do you love it, do you hate it? There it is, the way you made it (WOOOooow) A world of secret hungers, Perverting the men who make your laws Every desire is hidden away, In drawer, in a desk, By a Naughahyde chair On a rug where they walk and drool Past the girls in the office You see in the back, of the City Hall mind The dream of a girl about thirteen Off with her clothes and into a bed, Where she tickles his fancy all night long His wife's attending an orchid show She squealed for a week to get him to go But back in the bed his teenage Queen Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby! And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes! She bites his fat neck, And it lights up his nose, But he cannot be fooled, Old City Hall Fred, She's nasty, she's nasty, She digs it in bed! Do it again, and do it some more! That does it, by golly, it's nasty for sure! Nasty-nasty-nasty! Nasty-nasty-nasty! (Only thirteen, and she knows how to NASTY) She's a dirty young mind. Corrupted, corroded... Well she's thirteen today, And I hear she gets loaded If she were my daughter I'd... What would you do, Daddy? If she were my daughter I'd... What would you do, Daddy? If she were my daughter I'd... What would you do, Daddy? Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup, And strap her on again, Oh baby! Smother that girl in chocolate syrup, And strap her on again! She's a Teenage Baby, and she turns me on, I'd like to make Her do a nasty On the White House Lawn! Going to smother that daughter in chocolate syrup, And boogie till the cows come home! Time to go home, Madge is on the phone Gotta meet the Guerneys And a dozen gray attorneys TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall " Well..in case you haven`t read all the lyrics, there are some MAJOR red flags here. Especially "If she were my daughter, I`d..." I rest my case here ladies. These are total disturbed freaks, with lots of skeletons in the closet. You better run, run to NC, as sooner as possible.
Jul 19 - 7AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Back to Reality

Bad day yesterday after being triggered on Sunday. Too many thoughts of CharlieSheenWinning's NewWinningWife. But today I am focusing on the fact that I was addicted to him. The Wife has forced me into complete NC, which is the only way to get over an addiction to a person. I don't think I would have gone back to him after breaking it off with him for good in March. However, I would have had residual if-only feelings. The fact that he married someone 3 weeks after I broke it off and the fact that he knew her for only 3 weeks shows just how COMPLETELY disordered the dude is. I mean COMPLETELY. There's no hope there. I'm like an alcoholic who's favorite bar has been replaced by a homeless shelter. Time to dry out and stay away. :)
Jul 18 - 6PM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Oh, and one more thing..you

Oh, and one more thing..you know what is the most tragic thing of all this nonsense those people provoke?..That we all, OW, turn by turn, we all loved them at one point. We all cried at one point. We all said he was "The One". THAT is the most tragic thing. That those bastards with no hearts, were truly loved. But never felt it, never needed it, took our souls, crushed them, and then walked away. I never thought I`d say this, but I don`t so called have feelings of "hate" towars his OW. We were all his victims, his "butterflies" trapped in his spider`s web. We all wanted to "fix" them, we all loved them, some of us got away with less injuries, some of us with more. Some knew his dark perverted side, some knew The Man with the mask. Either way, we got hit one way or another by these total freaks, hoping, dreaming to be his "one and only" leading lady. I personally don`t believe these people love anyone.
Jul 18 - 6PM (Reply to #44)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

greengirl91

Nope, they don't even love themselves.
Jul 18 - 6PM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

This sounds way too familiar

This sounds way too familiar to me, and I`m sure to so many of us. God, I still have the OW in my Fb friends, when I deleted, I deleted him, not her..After 1 month major hoovering, because I blocked him, now he`s back and forth to her. How do I know that? Because she has again songs, stuff, "underneath your clothes - shakira" , and I know to whom is this adressed to, I just know..because I adressed it to him too, long time ago. He`s such a coward bastard you know..things he said about her, of course hoovering me as lead character "Only you, after a search of fruitless searches" that including her. He doesn`t have the guts to fight for one woman, for a healthy relationship, so he screws us both in the head. Or who knows how many OW else. I wonder what BS would he tell her now, to get back to her. They really enjoy this, the drama, the fights!! Back and forth. Back and forth. He has his charm and he`s gifted and talented in what he does. But, he will always remain a bastard to me. Because that`s what his true nature is. Why hasn`t he thought of her, when he was hoovering and "crying baby please" to me? Yes, she was forgotten, of course. Those people are really disordered in the ehad. I don`t care how many millions they make. They hate women..
Jul 18 - 7PM (Reply to #42)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"This is REAL LIFE, not a GREEK TRAGEDY"

I remember telling the ex-Psych prof that. I know he relished the prospect of a fight between his live-in girlfriend and I;in fact, I whetted his appetite for it, KNOWING I WOULD NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH. I knew he was a gutless idiot, so I played him for all it was worth. It was PRICELESS to see the look of shell shock on his face as I praised her, practically worshipped her as some newborn goddess;I was raking him over the coals like a good slab of barbecued meat. The ex-P hoovered me, so I IGNORED him. "He doesn't have the guts to fight for one woman"-It's a WEAKNESS to take advantage of! Duh! Know your enemy! The ex-P wanted me to speak badly of her, to talk about how butch she was, to degrade her, to fight her for him. And I NEVER did it. Even when I broke NC. I have ALWAYS spoken well of her-it's my Iron Law. If I speak ill of her, it is NS, and I will NEVER grant him that. "They enjoy this, the drama, the fights"-Leo Tolstoy had Sofia Behrs&her sisters fighting over him during their weeklong courtship. Pablo Picasso had his mistresses&wives fighting over him. Spalding Gray liked the drama between his first wife&his pregnant mistress. That's what I found DEEPLY sick. I found it SICK that my own teacher would want me in some cat fight with his girlfriend (whom I liked right off the bat) I guess he knows that if he breaks NC with me, I'd leave him emotionally annihilated. Not wounded. Annihilated. Nobody in their right mind seeks out deep wounds to their egos. That's why we keep NC? He'd have to be a masochist to seek him out.
Jul 18 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

greengirl91

Amen to that sista!
Jul 18 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

It gave me ammo AGAINST him!

Because I didn't look down on the ex-Psych prof's girlfriend. I NEVER said anything derogatory about her (my classmates took potshots at her as being a "dyke",I would have NONE OF IT) When I realized how MUCH he wanted a rivalry between me&his live-in girlfriend... he might as well have handed me the lash to whip him with like a toughened Roman soldier. I LAUGHED at him... saying how he would get turned on by seeing his girlfriend&I wrestling in the mud pits over him... and how I would WITHHOLD such a pleasure from him, to please MYSELF. I'd praise and praise and praise his girlfriend till the cows came home, his eyes would darken, he'd look bored&nauseous, and I kept it coming. Unrelenting. I could NOT hate the ex-P's girlfriend (now wife of the past decade) He can't paint me a crazy evil former student b*tch because I never insulted her to him. Instead, I practically worshipped the ground she walked on. Some assumed the ex-P&his wife wouldn't last... I've told my story on another forum&people would say "After what he did to you, all that deception, I doubt they're still together." I assumed they were. And THEY ARE. How I enjoy being right! I have kept the both of them in my prayers. You can't hate someone whom you bless. They can credit the fact they've stayed married a decade ON MY PRAYERS. I believe in the power of prayer.
Jul 18 - 12PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

OW

Sparrow, I know you are absolutely right. Our exN CHOSE their actions. THEY betrayed us. But it is very, very hard when the Narc pits you against the OW and plays games with your head and heart goes back and forth between you and OW. I think the Narc WANTS the feeling of two women fighting over him...Mine LOVED it...he spent a year behind my back seeing us both so much that I said he must have needed an excel spreadsheet to keep it all straight...lunch w/ her, happy hour w/ me, dinner w/ her overnight at my house, brunch w/her....and on and on... I think they want us to be enemies with her to deflect the blame from them... But ultimately THEY chose to lie, hurt, blame, betray us.. Thank you for the great post!!!!!
Jul 18 - 2PM (Reply to #34)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

baking.......you are welcome!

baking.......you are welcome! Agreed..... They get off on this drama! This is part of the illness! A loving , caring man would be beside himself if he hurt 1 woman, let alone 2......there lies the difference! THESE MEN ARE MENTAL!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD!!! Good luck in your journey, stay focused!!!
Jul 18 - 4PM (Reply to #35)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

So hurt the 1 man who pits two women against each other!

Hasn't anyone here seen "Diabolique", it's a French film noir about the wife&the mistress of an abusive schoolmaster&they plot to kill him? They team together. It's considered one of the best thrillers ever made. When I realized the ex-Psych prof wanted to pit me against the girlfriend who had moved all the way from LA to be with him. I set out to break him. Mentally.
Jul 19 - 5AM (Reply to #36)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Gottcha!

Me, my N's first ex-wife & the woman who replaced me all got together for a little chat. The web of lies & deceits we uncovered when we compared & contrasted his "manufactured mythologies" about each of us & our relationships with him! Well, he found out somehow that we had all gotten together. Some people saw me & the woman who replaced me around town. And I told people that I had met the ex-wife (who lives in another country--mind you). This little menage-a-trois has upset the N to no end. Even wrote the ex-wife & phoned her to berate her! Eight years after she left him -- he still thinks he can control her. And I have had NO CONTACT with him since then. Any business has been very official concerning lingering divorce issues. None of the personal jabs about my cruel abandonment, his recovery, or overtures to be friends. He knows that I know WHAT he is. He knows he's busted on my front. Gottcha! So he doesn't waste his time any more trying to emotionally manipulate me with his lies. Why anybody would be angry with OW is beyond me? She's yet another victim. And a great source of information concerning the N's deceit (because they deceive even more than we can imagine). And, we all were OW -- even if we didn't know it. We have no idea the layer-upon-layer of deceit these men operate. I suppose we are angry at her because it is a sibling rivalry of sorts. Jealous of a sibling for the attention the sibling gets from mommy. Blame sibling because we cannot blame mommy. Somehow we cannot blame N for his actions because we love & need him.
Jul 29 - 12PM (Reply to #38)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

WOW!

Agnes that must have been SUCH a healing experience for you! I wish I'd had that same experience! there is something comforting with knowing he does the same stuff with every woman he is with. the lies and deceit are amazing. I only talked with one woman who was a potential target and boy was THAT informative and when he found out, he was PISSED at me for contacting her. He knew that I knew he was a liar. I think once we know that, and they understand that we know that, there IS NO going back for us OR them Thanks for sharing your story!
Jul 19 - 6AM (Reply to #37)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I did some crazy-making of my own

What's interesting is that before the final D&D, I took a class... with the ex-Psych prof's ex-boyfriend. I was interested in the subject, turns out the professor had been the ex-P's boyfriend. The professor warned me against getting romantically/sexually involved with the ex-P... and I ended up not doing so. My mother has tried stirring up sibling rivalry between my sister&I (it hasn't worked) Once, when my sister expressed reservations about moving to a place back East, I validated her, and my mother claimed there was a "conspiracy" against her. Once I met the ex-P's girlfriend (who literally worked down the street from me at a museum), no, I didn't join up with her. I WANTED to warn her. But I knew about triangulation;I would've been written off as the Crazy Ex. So I didn't do it. She's been married to the ex-P for a decade. Maybe she was applauding his deceits;maybe she was hoodwinked like the rest of us. I don't know. As for the ex-P, I simply followed Sam Vaknin's "Abusing the Gullible Narcissist" as if it were Holy Writ. The ex-P brought out my emotionally sadistic side (and I wonder why he doesn't contact me?)... and it truly SCARED him. I'd be dealing narcissistic injuries with a smile on my face... and he was profoundly unnerved. With unintentional Narc injuries, he used to have the power to "punish" me for them. To berate&endlessly lecture me. To tears. To put me down. I started inflicting them knowingly. He also knew that as a victim, I was the one getting sympathy. That I could get away with whatever emotional havoc I could wreak on his psyche. I WANTED him feeling sucked dry&tossed aside. Since he wasn't my boyfriend/husband/lover/father of kids, I felt incredibly ENTITLED. The ex-P was always afraid he'd lose his sanity. I helped him lose it, like a virgin, touched for the very first time.