Pressure

When we started dating, I was underage.
I had previously been in relationships where guys had taken advantage of me.

When me and N started liking each other, i let him know of this and that i didnt want sexual stuff to be a part of the relationship (i am religious and so was he).

I was a young girl and he was a few years older (adult). The very first time i went to his house (he lived with his parents) he got me onto the bed and we were kissing (no problems). But then he tried to go further. I was turned on but I said no.

Then the next time he did the same thing and I said no at least 3 times. But he did it anyway and has his way with me.

After that we did stuff very frequently. it didnt take over the relationship but it happened a lot. He pressured me to give him oral sex when i said no. I soon found out that he had a problem with pornography but we didnt talk about it much, or ever again because i didnt want to embarrass him with something so personal.

Eventually, because his actions and words were so harmful, i needed the sex to feel okay, to feel wanted. He would promise it 'later' and it would get to later and he would just take me home. so not only did i feel emotionally disappointed and discarded, but sexually too.

Another thing, he would ALWAYS touch my breasts. whenever he wanted. we would be driving in the car and id be in the passenger seat and hed just reach accross and hold my boob. he did it in his sleep sometimes and he even did it once when my 14 year old brother was accross the room.

he had no respect for me. what he did was actually illegal. and Im wondering if i should do something about it (as in get the police involved).

apart from that, i dont know how to get over it. i fantasize about him still, but in the end it leaves me emotional and upset.

help :(