Like your ex, mine had many, many qualities that seemed truly caring and generous. My cog dis has been severe because I laughed way more with him than I cried.
I understand completely why you are feeling such sorrow and why after telling us all about the 'bad' things, you also feel compelled to share some of the good or to defend what seemed like goodness in him.
About the reasons you think DS is not liking your ex, I'd like to add that the reasons I don't trust him or like him is not what he had done to you in the past with his indiscretion - it is what he is doing to you now.
Anyone is capable of making a mistake and being worthy of a second chance, but those worthy of a second chance would respect your need right now to work this out for yourself without the stalking kind of pressure and manipulative control he is putting on you.
He is not allowing you space to come to terms with what happened, but instead he is persistent and relentless in convincing you he is really a good person.
A good person doesn't need to do that, they show their remorse and respect us enough to accept the consequences of their actions. They prove to us how much they care by allowing us our time to process and learn to trust again at our own pace. He does not let you do that.
Instead he is following you, pressuring you and hounding you into confused submission. That is not love. If he truly loved you he would take a step back so you could breath and make your own decisions.
((hugs))
Hey there! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about my exwn, I was married to her for 14 years, and they weren't all crappy. We had fun, we had good times, I was there in the room during delivery, we took our daughter to the bus together for the first day of school, we went to church together, etc etc etc. There were however dynamic problems for the outset, and shit happens. I divorced her last July, became final in october. It was a decision I had to make, for me, not for anyone else.
You will ultimately have to make all the decisions yourself, as it must and should be. Just know we all want the best for you, and we all have prejudices and opinions that are reflected in our posts.
His behavior since the day at your house has been beyond acceptable for a man who made a mistake and is ashamed, remorseful, and full of regret for the pain he caused you. He sounds disordered, doesn't mean he can't do some very nice things. You will have to decide for yourself what you are to do.
Best of luck, ds
BadaBing
Journey on...
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