Called him. :(:(:(

Sunny , we have all done it ... mine asked me to call him then he didnt pick up . They are twisted . If it helps to get back on youre feet again try this one .. the narc had no idea why you called , you asume he know you called him because you want to just hear his voise but he dosnt know that , you could have called to tell him anyhting , maybe even something very important , what dose he know . Get back on the waggon and dont beat youre self up . Its all ok .. Scoop x

It takes time to get past this it really does...I did find however that having too much time on my hands made this struggle all the more difficult. I did not have much of a choice, winter and my health do not go hand in hand and I was financially strapped - still am but able to navigate better somewhat in the summer. The keys to recovery are educating ourselves, which by now, I know you have a pretty good idea of what this is, the rest is getting over the shock, and realizing you are not alone, everyone here has gone through this same heartwrenching pain, it is something that we have to go through, there is no way around it. The fact is that whether this individual picked up the phone or not, please take my word - the fact that they didn't leaves you in a better place. You're calling and hoping against hope that this is a bad dream, that somewhere in there a "human" can be found. The fact that you are so distraught leads me to believe that even if this person isn't a narcissist the lack of closure has left you wounded and lack of closure is not something anyone with any real genuine feelings does to another person. Breakups are hard, but when there once was love, even if strained, there is closure, there is something and you mourn and you move on... I was thinking earlier, that the best way to tell if you've been narced is if when it's over you are just left an empty shell, feeling like you've been left for dead. A normal heatbreak hurts but not like this... But there is hope Mer, there is recovery, unfortunately we have to grit out teeth, walk through that storm and do the time. We have to have a steely determination to hold on despite the pain, and we have to purge. In my estimation one of two things will happen - we will recover or we will purge so much there is nothing left to say and whether we like it or not TIME will heal it but it is much healthier to get it out to purge it and to process it. If I may, and I mean no disrespect, I notice sometimes you will need help, then shy away and I am not sure if it's because the discussions become painful or it's anxiety triggering you and you need to step away. If I can suggest it...I really think you need to spend more time purging here Mer...getting it out, venting, letting all the bad stuff out...as the longer we keep it in, the longer it festers...we cant shove crap under a rug. There is an entire forum here practically 24/7 and there are additional supports outside of here, but what worked for me, what finally got me to where I am - and I still have a way to go is the fact that I blurted out every toxin...and at this point there are no more left. I did the same thing, called, broke NC - that isn't a crime, this is unbelievable, but the only way we can heal is to let it allll out until there is no more left... Hugs to you my sister I am so sorry you are in pain but the more you share, and the more you read, the more you will understand...the more you will own and the less of the illusion will stick, the cognitive dissonance will lessen....this is grief Mer...this is the same thing...it is grieving it is death of an illusion...and we have to go through the process hun...there is no shortcut. I am thinking of you and sending you and everyone else vibes of healing, peace and serenity... I wish there was more I could say...the only thing I can say is I followed the steps. The vets here can tell you the basket case I was...a google of my name and this forum should bring up a whole bunch of doozies...it's what it is...hold on and keep purging let it out... Don't knock yourself...now is the time to really pamper, cherish, treasure and treat yourself kindly...you've been throught the ringer. Hugs!

HI....I am sorry you are going through this experience too...I did the same,many times...mine D&D me in october 2008...I called him too,he wouldn't answer,then he did ,but would say nothing and let me hang on the line,playing music,doing whatever ...sometimes he would say hello and tell me when your done,hang up...he changed his cell number,i was devasted...but that showed me once again how evil does exist...i was hurt so nany times but i KNEW i was the only one that coud change because they are truly sick,so they won't...So i went NC...a month later i got an email telling me he was sorry about the Goofy insults towards me,and that he decided to never enter a new relationship again...he decided to stay alone for the rest of his life...i said Thank you for your email...Later he did sent me another one telling me he was going to end his internet services because the internet was taking his peace and quiet away...and he gave me a hotmail addrss in case i would like to contact him....later he did sent me an audio poem telling hou messed up his life is...Then i saw once again the proof ...THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL...I am still NC and feeling good ...i still miss him and worry about him,as a stupid empath i am...but i am now working out at the gym,trying to keep that NC,i still have mixed emotions and sexually i feel drawn to him,but i am choosing for a quiet life,without insults ,mind games and trying to translate his words,he never would say something in a normal fashion,always code like... am tired,i am done...but i feel like you and most of us here that i was violated and he just acts like is norrmal for a person that cut you off in a most cruel fashion just to come and go as he pleases...no it is not.Pleae read my story.HUGHS...They are truly sick...

He enjoys watching you suffer. It's really not personal. It's their biggest supply-seeing someone hurt and chase them. He's a non-person sweetie. There is no heart. Mine really loved sex. Even if he hadn't gotten any for months, he would choose watching me suffer over great sex. They love causing harm more than anything. Narcs suck so bad...when we need them they are neverrrr there. When we get strong...they hoover. He knows he has you exactly where he wants you right now. So no matter what your goal is-this isn't going to work. Letting them know you love, need, want them only causes them to further ignore you. Start acting like you don't give a crap. If you keep it up long enough, he'll hoover. Hopefully you will be strong enough by them to get to be the one to ignore him and remain NC! Then you will REALLY be moving towards healing. I have been exactly where you are...I promise if you dig deep within and fight these urges to contact with everything you've got, it WILL get easier. I came from exactly how you feel right now, to so full of love and joy the majority of the time. And there's not a new man, this is ALL from within. But sadly there's just no way around the pain you have to go through to get to the other side. If you can find the will to fight through the times when you want to contact him, then the day will come when you will be the one writing this to another member...I was where you are. But I did the seemingly impossible work and now have joy in my soul. I promise it can get so much better and you can find peace and joy again. YOU CAN DO IT!!! A million hugs to you.

It proves to you once again he is a dirt bag. Imagine it on a bigger scale than Sunny523 and a Narc. In the universe there is good and evil. Good trumps evil! You weakened him to the point that he revealed that he is evil. He tried to trick you in the beginning but time was not on his side. So doesn't that make you think that you have already won the battle. You are what's good in the world don't let him back in. No more dancing with the devil! He loses. You win. xxx, Ruby

Please don't beat yourself up! We've all done it, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Keep moving forward!