Why is he doing this?

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 28 - 9AM

Deidre40

Why is he doing this?

Hi all--haven't been posting much. largely, because sometimes, when I was posting about 'him,' I'd get stuck in the past. And I have been doing very well in my life. Since the stupid breaking of NC when he bashed me on FB a few weeks ago, (I texted him and he insulted me, etc...the usual lol) I have been NC. I left that website that we belong to together, for good. Not 21 days...not for a time limit. I'm done. And not because of him, really. It's a negative gossipy place, where people bully each other. It has turned from a helpful, productive place...where you'd have the occasional jerk, to it's hard to tell who the jerks are from the good people anymore. Kinda sad.

So, yesterday. I'm talking on the phone w/a friend. A friend who was once his enemy, but now? Sounds like they chat. lol Good lawd, no one can be trusted. So, she proceeds to tell me he brings me up on someone else's fb page, not his own...(she's not on his friends list (yet, I'm sure she will be before long) that ''yea, she's hot and nice...and all. but she gets her stories mixed up all the time. she's not reliable.'' << he was talking about me, she said. I won't bore you with what led up to that...just giving you the snippit about me.

Sigh.

WHY is this guy still talking about me, and now, making stuff up about me? I am not unreliable. haha It was the strangest thing I had heard. I laughed when she told me, and said that I don't know what he's talking about. She laughed, and said...''well, he did say you're nice and hot, so that's good.'' it is??? lol see the spell he has people under? good grief.

So...my question to you wise folks here...why is he doing this? To STILL bait me? Is this some ill fated attempt to hoover? He knows this info will get back to me. THERE WAS NO REASON TO BRING MY NAME UP ON THAT GUY'S FB PAGE. NONE. They were talking about something that had nothing to do with me. Nothing. Yet, he brings me up...*eye roll*

This has not thwarted my healing. Not in the least. I truly am over him and his antics. It's more annoying to hear this garbage than anything. I don't care really why he's doing this anymore...but on some level, it's mind boggling that he still brings me up and now makes up stories about me to others. haha

So, interested in your take. Leaving that site was the best decision I've made (besides leaving HIM) in a long time. lol Thanks for listening.

#2 Jun 28 - 3PM

twisted

After we had been apart for a

After we had been apart for a while (and in secret he was still push/pulling me) I had friends who had previously told me what an ass he is and couldn't stand him and were proud of me for getting away from him, but who still hung around him, told me how if my name ever came up, he would always still defend me and be protective of me and sing my praises. Suddenly they're seeing him as the good guy? There's something some serial killers do called 'hero killing' or something like that, and it's when they kill someone but also then try to act like they saved the victim or are the first on the scene so they can get the credit of being a hero, meanwhile no one knows they are the killer. Same thing I think, with narcs. It's all about him.

#3 Jun 28 - 3PM

Deidre40

oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear

oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that hunter!! I will be praying for you to be ok. You had a lot of years with yours though. It's understandable to yearn for him in some way, still. Regarding your feedback. Yes, that's it. He wants to seem like the good guy. Everyone knows he's a jerk. The conversation that was transpiring had nothing to do with me, but he somehow wove me into it...and made me look dumb. The friend of mine told me that she considers the source, and thinks it's his way of dealing with rejection, and his feeling of me doing him wrong. I honestly don't care anymore! Oh gosh...this man has been leaving my mind more and more every week, then I hear this. It doesn't set me back, truly. It just causes me to pause...and remember...how I got here. That's what I'm in the midst of healing. And I've been doing pretty good. I pray for the guy. I do. Your feedback is so appreciated, Hunter. Please keep us posted, or call me sometime, with your health update.

#4 Jun 28 - 2PM

Deidre40

tresor and hunter...thank

tresor and hunter...thank you!! tresor...so true. what you wrote, i plan to print out..and reread. thank you. :=) hunter--what can i say...ur always right, girlie. {{hugs}} I was talking to this same friend again a little bit ago, and from her dealings with him through this other person's FB page, she feels he is 'not over' me, yet. Don't you want to just get into narcissism 101 with these unsuspecting people? haha They think he's normal, just an angry guy...and healing over me. No. He's a psychopath with an agenda, you want to tell them. lol But, I digress. And most likely, she's going back to him with what I've said. She said, someday maybe you both would be friends. I said, the only way I'd ever speak to him again, is if he apologized. I have grown indifferent to him, actually. But, with mutual friends, which I've dwindled down now to just her and another person--it's hard sometimes, because you have to keep hearing about him. But, I know what he is. And I'm done with the site. I'm not breaking NC. I think indifference comes when you no longer care what the guy/girl thinks. Like I used to be self conscious...oh, if I stay off that site, he will think it's because of him, and he wins. Now, I don't care if that is what he thinks. I'm done with the site, because it's a negative gossipy portal of adults behaving badly. lol No thanks. I've learned a lot. Made some nice friends. But, I'm done posting. And I was a popular poster...and ''supposedly'' well respected. We'll see if I'm missed. ;) I have another friend who doesn't know this man, and said...''he'll try to bait you on there.'' Let him. I don't care anymore. He's a troll. A boring little troll. :P THANKS AGAIN LADIES FOR THE INSIGHT.

#5 Jun 28 - 10AM

tresor2

Why Is He Doing This?

I'm sorry you're going through this...remember, everything passes. Also, if he is a N, there is no explanation for his crazy-making behavior. It's who he is and there is no cure. N's rarely change. I see you're struggling with the meaning of behaviors from outside sources. If you can, bring the focus back to yourself and work on sitting with the feelings as they come up. Eventually, you'll find that none of this is about others; it's more about you and your reactions and perceptions to what others do and say. The only thing we can change in life is ourselves. In the 12-Step recovery programs, one of the key factors to relapse prevention is "people, places, things." It's similar to the NC...we learn to avoid anything and anybody that can trigger us. We need supportive people. I spent years trying to analyze my N's behavior. I went so far as to get a MA in psychology and the only answer I have today is that there is no answer. Narcissism is more of a spiritual/moral disorder. N's can be sadistic, cruel and inhumane. The big question for me became, what was it about me that allowed someone to take over my soul to the point where I lost myself and became very sick. N's get joy out of watching us die a slow and painful death. My N still takes up space in my brain but it's nothing like it was. I'm beginning to spend more time with family and my focus is on finding my passions and choosing to be happy. I have a long way to go but, things are slowing getting better.

#6 Jun 28 - 10AM

Hunter

You dumped him for starters!

You dumped him for starters! He doesn't like that! There are a number reasons, talking to friends is a way to Hoover you! He's looking for new supply, they take NS anyway they can get! Scrambled Eggs Hunter

#7 Jun 28 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Deidre40

TO HUNTER

Let me ask you...it's been over two months since I broke things off. Is he still seeking revenge? The friend today I talked to about all this, said...she sees it as he will take every opportunity to make me look bad, since I've wronged him. Maybe she does know a thing or two about psychos. :O That said though, do YOU think this? Every other week, I'm brought up AGAIN ...on his or someone else's fb page. Irony? I dont' have FB!!! LOL!! So...I thought today about what she said, and to me...it fits perfectly with the psychopath description. They don't yearn for US back, but they will toy and toy and torment us...as revenge for leaving them. He is dating others, I think someone told me. THEN MOVE ON!!!!!! And stop talking about me. Need some hunter advice. lol

#8 Jun 28 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Hunter

D40

Revenge? Not sure. The mind of a sickO. I will tell you they never go away. I think that is more of he's way of seeking supply. He's also trying to justify his insanity to others. Making you look bad, makes him look like the good guy.Mine does the opposite, He always says good things abolut his EX's. This way he fools the fools who hang with him. They dont think or feel like we do, so revenge..? Today D, I myself am haveing bad CD. I have to have a biospy on my left Breast, and I miss the one person who I thought cared. Reality is, if I died he'd still be admiring himself in the Mirror. Hunter

#9 Jun 28 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

tresor2

Hunter

I too recently had a biopsy and ended up with early stage cancer. I had surgery and I'm OK. I'm contemplating radiation and hormones but, I'm not sure yet. Bottom line, we need to live a gentle life and learn to take care of ourselves. N's love to see us suffer and they run when we're sick. No compassion, empathy or love.

#10 Jun 28 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Hunter

Tresor

Oh I know, Even after all this time sometimes it's hard to believe what seemed like somuch love was onebig headfuck! Lucky us Hunter

#11 Jun 28 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

Redhead1

Sending good vibes your way

Sending good vibes your way Hunter. Hope all is well. It is hard to believe we were with them all this time and never really knew them. When I said this, my daughter said Lifetime has true stories about this all the time. She just didnt want me beating myself up over this. She is right, there are a lot of evil doers in this world. And a lot of nice caring people too!

#12 Jun 28 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Hunter

Redhead

Thanks, such kind words! Hunter

#13 Jun 28 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Sherbear

Thinking of you Hunter...

Sending some prayers and good thoughts up for you. xoxo

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews