What do I do to keep moving forward?

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#1 Jun 19 - 8AM

adoette

What do I do to keep moving forward?

Hello, Seasoned Pathers.

I have been NC for 10 weeks now. I feel the fog lifting and my life is slowly ripening up to be juicy and sweet again.

But I feel a little like I am in a holding pen here before I take on steps 4-6 (perhaps because I am afraid to dive in). May I ask what did you did to move forward through steps 4,5, and 6? I'd love to hear from you. What concrete things did you do to keep moving?

I just downloaded Lisa's book and I know that will be key to my recovery. I am also doing some scary things that I've wanted to do to prove to myself that I am capable of taking my life back.

Were there books you read that you'd recommend?
Exercises you did?
Ways of thinking that you shifted?
Practices or habits you developed?
Challenges that you undertook?
Tapes that you reprogrammed in your head?
Do you have journal entries to share that would be helpful?

What advice do you have for those of us who are at the trailhead of the waking up-getting real-healing part of the hike?

Steps 1-3 have been LIFE CHANGING and LIFE SAVING and LIFE GIVING. I will keep those rolling and am eager to embark on part II of my recovery. (The long haul...)

The collective wisdom on this site is phenomenal. Please help nudge us semi-new-but-not-totally-new-newbies further along in our recovery with any light you can shed as we claw our way out of this darkness.

With appreciation,
Adoette

#2 Jun 23 - 7PM

wacaet

I'm in exactly the same

I'm in exactly the same place. In fact I spent most of today absorbed in my family tree, something I did pre-N (found a "lost" ancestor I've been searching for for over a year) and I realized this afternoon I hadn't really thought of him all day. Which of course then made me think of him. But, I am experiencing blessed hours of no thoughts of him. When I first started I literally couldn't go 5 minutes!

#3 Jun 23 - 5PM

FreeToBe

A book that I read about a

A book that I read about a year ago during one of the breaks up was called The Power of Now and this book truly gave me a sense of peace that I had never experienced before. Unfortunately, I got back with my ex and all of that peace dissapated. I am currently re-reading it in hopes that it will have the same effect on me. Another book that I thoroughly enjoyed reading was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

#4 Jun 23 - 5PM

girlsinger

Smitten Kitten

Hi there you are soo right, Smitten Kitten Puzzling People..indeed a fantastic book btw you might want to catch Thomas on his youtube videos also, on youtube is a great 5 part radio show interview he did about his book "Puzzling People" Scoop turned me on to him thanks for reminding us about that book.. he really has such a grasp on PDI's BTW perhaps you already know this: Thomas Sheriden is also a truly gifted painter be blessed K

#5 Jun 23 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Girlsinger

Yes, I have watched his YouTube videos and radio interviews before buying the book, thanks to Scoop. In fact, I don't think the book was out yet when I was watching those, but due any day. And then it sold out almost immediately! I love his take on all of it and it's very validating to read. I like the way he just cuts to the chase and calls them all Psychopaths, getting rid of the more innocuous (less malignant) label of Narcissist which really downplays their dangerous, predatory nature. I also like the way he calls out the diagnosis and labeling of BPD, which I used to think my mother was until all my recent research on NPD and reading his book. He's right on that, I think. When I was researching BPD a few years ago to figure out my mother, I came across Sam Vaknin's site and read some on there. I basically found myself constantly asking the question, what's the difference between the two? And what little information that's out there defining the difference, really boils it down to only a couple of things, which is a stretch IMO. Those couple of things could also vary between NPD's. Not every single one displays every single potential/trait. The BIGGEST difference I've observed between the supposed two disorders, is that more women are diagnosed BPD and more men are diagnosed NPD. I think it has more to do with gender stereotyping than anything. And yes, I've "liked" his Thomas Sheridan Arts page on FB too.

#6 Jun 23 - 5PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Book I Recommend

"Puzzling People, The Labyrinth of the Psychopath" by Thomas Sheridan. That has been a great book to read and really helpful in reinforcing everything. It sold out on Amazon in a very short time after it was published. I just checked and they have more in, but only 14.

#7 Jun 19 - 9AM

baddream

I had strategies. Sometimes

I had strategies. Sometimes the going was tough and I thought I was moving backward. Here are a couple of things that I did.. On a sheet of paper, there was a list of the following: Do not Call him Do not answer his calls Do not text Do not respond to texts Do not enable him Do not initiate Do not respond to anything he does Every day of No Contact, would put a check for each of the above. Very soon I was seeing more and more checks. I think at the 18 month point i felt strong enough not to do this anymore, but there were thousands of little checks on this piece of paper... There was NO way I was going to break No contact after this-- it was testiment to all the hard work I had done. Another tool I had was this forum. It helped me so much to have this support group. Most importantly, at some point I was able to see (with clarity) and INTERNALIZE what N was really about. When I realized I was just his relative supply source, and nothing else it was very easy to let go. At some point you realize you truly do not want him in your life anymore. When you get there, it will not be as difficult to move forward.

#8 Jun 19 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

adoette

baddream

thanks, BD. I appreciate your reflection and willingness to speak from your experience. Very helpful. "Most importantly, at some point I was able to see (with clarity) and INTERNALIZE what N was really about. When I realized I was just his relative supply source, and nothing else it was very easy to let go. At some point you realize you truly do not want him in your life anymore. When you get there, it will not be as difficult to move forward." This, I know, cannot be forced. But it is a cornerstone of hope for me that this is a promise my future holds. (Oh, dear...that sounds corny:) (((with gratitude and hugs)))

#9 Jun 19 - 9AM

Hunter

It just takes time. Just

It just takes time. Just start doing what you like, Read a lot on the disorder and just go day to day. Hunter

#10 Jun 19 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

adoette

hunter

That feels doable and not so daunting and impossible. Thanks, Hunter. Now I'm off to do something else that I like. :-)

#11 Jun 19 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Hunter

I like Shopping :) Hunter

#12 Jun 24 - 4AM (Reply to #7)

Lobo555

Retail Therapy!

It's the only thing better than being on a beach chair looking at the waves.

#13 Jun 23 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

Arwen

But when shopping cannot cut through horrible depression

The days like I am having today...amazing amount of CD...wanting him back so badly I would do anything to hear from him...shopping would not work for me tonight.

#14 Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

Tinker

yes, i get that, i even tm'd

yes, i get that, i even tm'd him tonite (a real nono) even tho i was on a date and he's with OW. geez...no shopping isn't the thing, for sure

#15 Jun 23 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

Littleone

Yep shopping definately does

Yep shopping definately does the trick!

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