Advice

Way to go! All that you are going through and you are able to be a strong mommy for your son with all the right answers. At this rate he doesn't need the role of his P father in his life- you are both mother and father to him. Maybe your excellent parenting skills are partially why he doesn't feel comfortable around his father. He doesn't need that monster so long as you are in his life. In psalm 31 the Bible says children rise up and called their mother blessed. I find that drawing pictures help. My daughter draws faces (happy, angry, sad, surprised, frustrated) and we talk about times we feel these emotions. I instituted this because she continually makes faces (similar to her father's hypnotic stare) at my mother, father and brother who we live with. She gets corrected of course. Playing doll house helps her get some feelings out that she may feel she can't do in her father's presence. I know you have a boy but I thought it wouldn't hurt to tell you that. ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

go to your attorney TOMORROW DEMAND they set up a temporary visitation schedule now you should not be putting your child through all this instability DEMAND don't ask DEMAND sole custody Make SURE all child support payments go thru the STATE FUND not directly to you. The state should deal with him: http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/ TELL YOUR ATTORNEY IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS YOU WANT SOLE CUSTODY AND THIS MAN IS PLAYING GAMES WITH YOUR CHILD AND HER TIME as well as LYING. Take ALL your detailed documentation about when he called, what he said, etc. with you. DO NOT LET YOUR ATTORNEY BLOW YOU OFF OR TELL YOU TO BE MORE FLEXIBLE. DO NOT BE "NICE" - if your attorney tells you there's nothing he/she can do? FIRE THEM. Get a bulldog on this NOW or he will continue to play games. http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/child-custody-and-visitation.html Finally - call her pediatrician and GET HER INTO THERAPY WITH A REPUTABLE CHILD COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is up to you to FIGHT him every single inch of the way. No matter what he accuses you of DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. YOU: "You weren't here. You aren't here by 6p on Friday forget it." HIM: you don't tell her when I call YOU: "You weren't here. You aren't here by 6p on Friday forget it." HIM: you're a bitch - this is not fair to me YOU: "You weren't here. You aren't here by 6p on Friday forget it." HIM: you're keeping my child from me YOU: "Call my attorney. Their number is XXX-XXXX." HIM: I am not going to do this! YOU: Every text, etc - SAME THING. "You weren't here. You aren't here by 6p on Friday forget it. Call my attorney: xxx-xxxx" Like a mantra - NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. NO emotion, no TALKING it out. NADA. get off his TREADMILL and stop engaging in his games. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

Ex N didn't show up for visitations this weekend. Fourth opportunity for him to see her since we went to court, and didn't show up. He says he's working out of town and can't be in til 8:00 on Saturday nights. That's not my problem. I sent him a text today and told him if he wasn't here by 6:30 on Fridays, he wasn't going to get her at all. I told him I was not going to adjust my schedule for him...those days are over." He called 9:00 on Sunday night,after his weekend with his "supply", I'm sure on his way back out of town. (Probably bored while driving!)He wanted to talk to daughter. I texted him and told him, "its 9:00 at night, she's asleep already!. I told him that he can call her on Wednesdays at 7:00 and that she needed consistency. He left me an ugly voice mail saying that he left me, so on and so forth and that I say our daughter needs consistency (it was a stupid message, going around in circles about different topics). Anyway, bottom line is, he was accusing me of not telling our daughter that he's been calling for her. He hadn't called all last week. All of a sudden, he gets this wild hair up his butt and decides he needs to speak to her. He called Sunday night and now again tonight. I think that if I hadn't set a time and day, like "Wednesdays at 7:00", he would have already dropped it, but since he doesn't have control of the situation, he's going crazy!...Umm,Now what do I do?? I know you said to text him my lawyer's # but I had to let him know that I would not be allowing him to take her if he wasn't here on time and I didn't want him promising her anything and her be disappointed cause I will not be allowing her to go with him. Ok, I'm sorry for not listening, but please tell me what to do now...I'm listening!

Talk to him. He doesn't owe his father anything and neither do you. If he doesn't want to talk to him, he shouldn't have to. My exN would get so upset when our daughter didn't want to talk to him. She just simply doesn't care to talk to on the phone. Not with him or anyone else for that matter. It's not your job to make him (N) feel secure. Who gives a rat's ass about him?? Your son will talk to him when he feels like it. I went through the same thing with my daughter. I would ask her if she wanted to talk to her Dad. Sometimes she says yes and sometimes she says no. Of course, I get blamed for it, but I don't care anymore. I used to try to get her to talk to him but she'd refuse. She would cover her ears too. I don't know about your exN, but mine is not consistent about anything. If he had a routine to where she'd expect a call, that would be different, but it's just when he feels like playing Daddy does he call. Just tell your exN that he doesn't like to talk on the phone. Make some excuse that your mother called and wanted to talk to him too and he refused. Hopefully, the idiot will fall for it...

He's in preschool and he is expected to act like a mature adult?? I'm sorry, but that kid is smarter than he's given credit for. Kids know BAD when they hear & see it. I am so glad a PRE-SCHOOLER KNOWS HOW TO STAND UP FOR HIMSELF, wow, what a kid. HE IS YOUNG, he shouldn't have this kind of PRESSURE TO PREFORM for his father to appease him!!!!! He ain't having it, and I don't even know the child, but being a parent of two boys, I'm really proud of him. Mallory, you are right to say your child has a right to his feelings! These kids have been through a LOT, now that they're mostly away from the monster, don't make them keep facing him. Give them a chance to be innocent children as they are. Don't let them grow up and wonder why they had to defend themselves and be forced to DEAL WITH THE DEVIL --- WHICH IS WHAT YOUR STBX IS...and Mommy, do not let the stbx intimidate you anymore! I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't aware of the HELL this 'thing' has put you through...I've been listening to your story for a long time. Sorry, this might not be what you wanted to hear, but this was hard to read...