Thanks so much for asking Sparrow, yes I am ok. I was just reading your last message. I don't get what you hear in my words that makes this man the seeming worst guy 'on these boards' what have I mentioned that makes him worse than all the rest. Please can you help me understand what you hear to make this so.
Thank you Sparrow.
Athena, p.s. I will re read your other mail now. Thank you so much.
Before re-reading my mail.........start at the VERY beginning of your thread, see if you can see it. Maybe because I am on the outside looking in? Don't know, I have never had such an uncomfortable feeling before when reading about someones narc........I will jump back on the format when I get home and re-read your thread as well so as to be fair. We will share then............
Talk to you in a bit!
I have re-read my thread and what I hear is a woman who is very muddled and confused by the incongruencies in her boyfriend's words and actions. It's fair to say I have a considerable handle on what drives his ambivalent behaviours and he and I have talked about them since my return. And I in return have talked with him about my part in our drama, standing for it for one thing. We understood that considerable pain and hurt for us both results from acting out from old wounds that we are each looking to the other to heal.
Together we are in a toxic relationship that we both want out of. He as much as I have expressed unhappiness at the present state of affairs. I came here because I understand that much of his woundedness is indeed grounded in narcissistic injury and as such the slightes slight perceived or real is cause for him to exercise his rage (nothing to do with me) at me for 'sins of the father's' by which I mean his difficult childhood upbringing.
I don't experience him as a psychopath but as a very hurt person desperate to be loved at the same time terrified of it. This causes him to lash out (metaphorically speaking) in his attitude and beahviours towards me. In effect I become punished for 'sins of the fathers'.
Coming to this site has made me aware that I am a lot more clued up than I often give myself credit for. Yes he is a shit for messing up the whole wedding thing, but if I am honest I was pushing for it, because so am I desperate for love. I knew we weren't ready to do it anymore than he knew that, but I was desperate and he was desperate not to lose me. But it wasn't premised in security.
Hmm not sure where I'm going with this but I do want to take a little of what I perceive as heightened feeling out of a situation that I am in, that actually having read some of the stories here, recognise how I experienced many things he did that showed his actions followed up his words and came from a genuinely sincere place in him. Yes the shitty comments about drips on the bathroom floor, certainly are controlling and manipulative bull-crap and yes they completely undo all the good and positives he contributed, but I know where they come from, doesn;t make them right, but they come from a wounded child and if that makes him a psychopath then I'll go with that description.
Be really interested in your thoughts. It's so helpful reading yours.
Take care and hope you got home safe.
Athena
Sparrow and the rest of us see a true Psychopath at work!
To be Blunt, thisman will bury you, we are watching an exacution at work!
Do you understand yet?
Step back even for two days, learn and read, do not contact him and after even this short time may the fog will partially lift!
We can't all be wrong!
Hunter
No, I guess I don't understand because I am still asking to see what you all can. I hope Sparrow will clarify in a way that will help me to, as she seems to feel he is the worst narc she has ever had a sense of and I must admit after reading so many stories here, I am struggling to get why my guy is so off the scale :-(
This man has you brainwashed, he is very very sick!
I see you are not going to listen to us, yes sparrow is correct, this guy is one of the most toxic on here!
We know what we are talking about! You are in harms way!
You will be in my thoughts, there is nothing we can say to change the direction you are going in! BTW it's not a good one!
Love Hunter
I can strongly tell that you guys know what you're talking about, I really, really feel that so strongly. That is why it is feeling so frustrating not to be able to hear what you are saying. I am listening, I'm really listening, but what makes him the most or one of the most toxic here. If you can tell me what you have read that makes him so, then please can you help me understand, is there a way you can, if so I am listening.
Why do you feel there is nothing you can say to change my direction, I'm willing to trust that you guys know what you're talking about. Willing to understand, but how can I understand without clear explanation as to why I am brainwashed and what makes him the most toxic? Does that make sense?
Yes, it does make sense. Idealize, Devalue, Discard, Rinse and repeat. You are ripe to him you are feeding him by loving him. Its like your alone in the desert and wanting water, you see the oasis but just like that its gone.
I understand your pain, This man is establishing a pattern. His actions do not equal his words. Remember they are just words.
He has abused you and never considered you in the big picture. Its a game, he is controlling you.
Im not or writer or very good at breaking this down. I promise I will have the experts back here to help you. Spinning and Journey are better at expressing the words properly.
Promise before you make the biggest mistake of your life read,I recommend Sam Vaknin.I think he is a very sick man but accurate.
Hunter
Sparrow
Before re-reading my
Sparrow
Athena
Hunter
Athena
Hunter
Athena