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JUST GET OVER IT.....

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#1 Jun 18 - 7PM
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

JUST GET OVER IT.....

YEPPERRRRRRRRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!

That is what a woman my 17 year daughter looked up to told her about the Narc. She wanted my daughters help with something and could not understand when my daughter declined due to the NARC'S INVOLVEMENT.

Just get over it - wow! My daughters older sister kindly confronted the woman and suggested that perhaps offering that advice to a teen when you do not know the circumstances was not wise. This was not a normal teen romance and a normal teen breakup....the 19 year old textbook Narc is on his 5th virgin.

This reminds me of the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" before you can know what it is I am going through. It has taken months of therapy and books and prayers to get my daughter onto "the Path Forward". With one one careless sentence I could see the pain of HIS LIES AND MANIPULATIONS come flooding through.

I believe it was Michele who brought to my attentions how the victim can become re-victimized when associating with the wrong person.

Thank you for listening ladies. It really is important to surround yourself with people who "get it"! You have been through too much to be re-victimized by people who want you to JUST GET OVER IT.....

Jun 18 - 9PM
Susan32
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Getting over it

The ex-Psych (as in psychopath) professor was my first real love when I was in college, over 4 years, tho it didn't get physical/romantic. He never attained even casual date status. The final D&D was crushing. I isolated myself. It was very difficult... I was also far from home. My parents were in Oregon;I was in New Mexico. My friends helped me, one of them diagnosed the ex-P as having NPD. So, long phone calls involving NPD. It was when I came home it was difficult. I was too numb&in shock to do ANYTHING... and to make matters worse, my mother (her parents were both Narcs) would often pick arguments when I wanted to be left alone, and she'd accuse me of being a narcissist&"wallowing in my grief." She'd say "quit your wallowing." For two years, I was subject to endless lectures, barely getting a word in... and I was raged at so much I really didn't want to talk about it. At all. A person is NOT going to open up&be honest when they're yelled at. They withdraw. Once, during an argument, I told my mother I needed to go the bathroom, and she'd say that I was just like my Narc grandmother, who'd run away when things got uncomfortable. I went from endless fighting with the ex-P... to endless fighting with my mother. Painful. And yes, I was snapped at to "GET OVER IT!!!"
Jun 18 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Susan 32

That makes me so sad that going back home brought additional heartache. Until I researched NPD I had absolutely no idea what was happening. By researching it myself I was able to better understand what my daughter is going through. My daughter gets snarly with me at times...sometimes it really hurts my feelings. But I have to realize that her anger is not really directed at me - it is directed at HIM. Since she is NC I am the one gets the brunt end of things. I am hoping and praying that with healing our relationship will also go through a transformation of maturity. This is one Hell of a long process the NARC IS SO NOT WORTH ALL OF THIS :/
Jun 18 - 8PM
coffeeaddict66
coffeeaddict66's picture

my heart breaks for your daughter

My daughter is 19 and she also went thru this at 17. what made it worse was it was her first real love and he was a full blown Narc. He ended up committing a crime and going 2 jail which was a blessing because it sealed NC and made her healing much faster. the good news is she is almost fully healed and has become very smart and selective. She has realized she has great friends and really likes herself. She doesnt have 2 have a boyfriend to make her whole. i am very proud of her.Aspainful as this is it is a great lesson to learn at this age. Iwish you and you daughter the best. She will come out of this much wiser.
Jun 18 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Sharing your story

just meant the world to me. I am so very very happy that your daughter is healing and that you are so proud of her! That is amazing and gives me hope :) This was my daughter's first real love as well. The worst part is she could run into him all the time as they have the same interests. She literally has to STOP GOING to events because he would be there. Also ALL of their mutual friends have sided with the Narc. They have threatened that if she does not stop NC they will alienate her from their group of friends which of course they did. Thank you for wishing my daughter the best...sharing your story really blessed me with hope that she will learn a lesson from all of this and come out wiser. She moves in a few months to a much larger city and getting some of these lessons down will help her in the future. It also has helped me to know another mother on this forum who "gets it" Thanks again! coffeeaddict
Jun 18 - 7PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

this is why it's so important

this is why it's so important to get the public educated about what N's really are!! I'm sorry that happened to your daughter
Jun 18 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
wisdomneeded
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You are so

RIGHT!!!!! Perhaps if people were educated on NPD they would not be able to get away with the DESTUCTION THAT THEY CAUSE......Thank you!