Attachment Styles

The member Twisted started an excellent post "have you turned into a narc" that made me think of something a very wise woman once told me.
She had read a book that said we all pretty much have a basic attachmnet style.If I remember correctly there were three..Anxious..Avoidant..Secure.
Where we may vascilate between the three at times there is still a basic one that drives us.
The ANXIOUS tend to have abandonment issues(some may be BPD but certainly not all). AVOIDANTS (narcs fall into this,but all avoidants are not narcs)SECURES(the decent gus who can sometimes appear boring)
The problem lies in that AVOIDANTS are plentiful in the dating world(IE:online dating,the guy who tries to pick you up at the grocery store)
And the AVOIDANTS(fear engulfment)are always back out there because they can't sustain a relationship.These are the guys who come on strong and take your breath(and sometimes life as you know it) away.And needless to say Avoidents are very attracted to the ANXIOUS style.
So as we venture out into the dating world we need to be very aware.
The men that are SECURE will be harder to find and even when we do as "Twisted" referred to it will be hard to not
remember back and crave the "excitemnt" of the narc.We may find ourselves doing the narc thing and sabotaging just to feel "that way" again. BUT....lets remember that a long term realtionship takes sustainabilty. We will all find ourselves with the challenges that living brings. Babies will cry,teeangers go down the wrong road,our parents die,depression hits,illness can be in our future.AND we will get older,menopause(sorry it had to be said)will come and that size 2 body you've been sporting for years may be no more. Don't forget narcs need a show piece by their side.Your sex drive may change(threesomes may not be your idea of a good time anymore-wink) So will the narc stay by your side,be your support,be a man? I think not and even if he does,it will all be for show and he'll have plenty of supply on the side..Guaranteed!
So if we are fortunate enough to meet a decent guy (SECURE)
who maybe isn't knocking our socks off,but taking them off one at a time very gradually,lets give him a chance. Maybe just maybe he has a few tricks up his own sleave. Or maybe we can teach him a few things. After all if the narcs did anything they brought out, for alot of us, our unleashed sexuality. Maybe we can be the catalyst for just that with a good decent man.