Holy **** - They DO Come Back Years Later!!!!

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#1 Jun 16 - 4PM
MandyM's picture

Holy **** - They DO Come Back Years Later!!!!

I never, ever believed it would happen to me.

About 15 years ago, I got involved with a guy I can now see was a narcissist - fifty times worse than my ex; I'd take my ex over this guy any day, which should tell you something. He played me for about seven or eight months and was cruel as anything you can imagine - the only thing I didn't get was physically abused. The last time we spoke, he screamed at me to quit calling him, get out of his life, leave him alone, don't ever speak to him again. And I did. I was devastated - I'd had absolutely no idea what had happened. It took a long time to get over it, but I eventually came to recognize him as a "dark entity" (those of you who have ever read any of psychic Sylvia Browne's books will recognize that term :-) Now I also recognize him as a narcissist, maybe even worse.

Today, I logged into FB and found a friend request from him. I was absolutely stunned. I clicked to his page to see what was going on and saw that he'd stared his page maybe a week or two ago and so far had only a handful of friends. I didn't recognize any names, just a few of his family members by last name alone.

Why the HELL did he think to look up ME, of all people, and request me as one of his starter friends???

I'll sit on the request for a few days, leave him waiting and hanging and wondering and hoping, and then I'll reject it. Although I have to admit I'm extremely curious to see what he's been up to in his life. But I won't give in.

Maybe because my treatment at the hands of my ex was so mild compared to most of the stories I read here, I've always been hesitant to view my ex as "evil." Not this other guy. It would be like inviting the devil to waltz right into my life and make himself at home.

What on EARTH was he thinking requesting me all these years later?????? After everything he did????? After what he last told me?????

Jun 16 - 7PM
wacaet's picture

Mine came back after 22

Mine came back after 22 years I hope he waits another 20 years to try again!
Jun 16 - 5PM
Susan32's picture

Adventures in Babysitting

The ex-Psych prof's parents live with him. I haven't heard from him in 11 years... and I don't expect to anytime soon. After the final D&D, I found out that his father was spending A LOT of time on-campus (not just because he was raising the ex-P's kids)... so I think he heard my side of the story without me telling him. His colleagues saw&knew how he treated me. He keeps his son on a short leash. My brother in-law and the ex-Psych prof's father are both dealing with immature toddlers... except the latter toddler is nearly 50. So they share more in common than a name.
Jun 16 - 5PM
SoaperGirl's picture

I have no idea

Four months post breakup - he's living with OW. I have no idea how that's going. I'm really starting to become indifferent. Not yet there, but I'm working on it. If anything, all my narc has experienced from me post breakup has been hate, anger, humiliation, mocking, a general all around nasty bad temper from me. At this point, I really don't expect to hear from him again. He's been silent as a statue..If his relationship with OW breaks up - who knows?
Jun 16 - 5PM
girlsinger's picture

I dont know

Hi SMommy please dont be nervous I dont know why this really surprises anyone remember, they have NO sense of TIME NONE so 10 years , 20 minutes, same thing I know to us this sounds insane that is because it is thats because they are... be blessed K
Jun 16 - 4PM
ShaynasMommy's picture

OK Mandy

You are making me real nervous, Girl. You and others here who never thought their N's would even "go there." Thought I had made it abundantly clear that I wanted him gone forever. I know he's even gotten married since then and had a baby with her.....but the more I keep reading here it appears any of that will not matter someday, that SOMEDAY I will get an email out of the blue or something and that gives me chills. I admit that I now have a morbid curiosity about what exactly he would say or do to try to reconstruct a "relationship" with me....even though he should know I myself am married with two daughters. It has been ten years since we spoke. I am asking this sheepishly, but can anyone come up with ideas of what the turd might pull? Really, I can't for the life of me think of anything that wouldn't come off as total psycho! Any defense against this creep would help. Anything!
Jun 16 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
ShaynasMommy's picture

Sorry Ladies for the paranoia

But I can't help thinking I may be the next one to post a follow up story about the ex 's hoover attempt!!!
Jun 16 - 4PM
PinkPeony's picture

They Can Come Back After Years

and even may try to come back when you live over 3,000 miles away. In their minds, I think they somehow believe that you always 'belong' to them in some way or other as some sort of possible supply/attention/...anything they can suck out of you. I would just simply block him. Don't let him get his foot in the door or engage you in any communication. He is absolutely as dangerous to your wellbeing as he was 15 years ago. They do NOT change...

The Narcissists Girlfriend

Jun 16 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter's picture

Yes you are correct. They do

Yes you are correct. They do always think of you as thiers. I found my psycho on fb I friended him. I had no idea that he was a psycho. Our 5 year relationship had ended 15 years ago. My curiousity was killing me so I friended. I fully expected to see him married with children. NOPE. Still single at 44 and is extremely attractive and though I was married the seduction began... seventeen years ago he told a friend of mine "She's mine and Ill come back for when I want her. Now stay out of our business" He made good on it.