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Another step in the right direction

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#1 Jun 11 - 3AM
empath
empath's picture

Another step in the right direction

I have not seen the N. since January.

Blocked him from my Facebook and disconnected from him on Linked In and Plaxo in February.

Have been "NC" since mid-April.

He has hoovered me using a variety of approaches, all of which have been met with NC. He has hoovered me earlier in the week, with another one of his stupid N-speak emails.

Felt inspired just now to finally delete his information from my email contacts AND from my cell phone contacts.

And you know what? It didn't hurt to do it, and the world didn't come to an end!

In fact, it felt GOOD!

I actually felt relief when I clicked that button and said "GOODBYE!".

DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!

Jun 13 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Im Liking it! WaHOOOO! GOOD

Im Liking it! WaHOOOO! GOOD FOR YOU. Hunter
Jun 13 - 10AM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Hi Smitten

Hi There yes indeed can I relate, but you gotta dig deep and as Nike says"JUST DO IT" you know the morning of my d&D (back then I didnt even know what that was) but I woke up that morning and intuitvely deleted all of his voicemails, what posessed me to do that, I still have no idea we had just spoken the night before we were going to NYC for xmas I used to save every single one voicemail he called 4-5 times a day (how he found time as a really busy surgoen I will never know) you might want to gooogle Dr.Patallen.com I had the honor to host her radio show for her all last year she is amazing, her own story is a testement that nay one can "get it" and get well she is a genuis, Oprah used to have her on regualrly in 2001, 2002 she is an expert, especially when it comes to the hard wiring of the female (and male) brain On the first show my exN called in he asked "do you have any tips on the pitfalls in a realtionship"? she said...as the true genuis she is (now remember this is before I had any idea that he was an Narc/ she said: "you have to learn to waltz, or else "find a person with zero self esteem to bow at you alter of your narcissism" this is after him speaking ONE sentance gee, I love her Dr Pat also insists that women when in the throws of CD need to be sure they dont see smell or HEAR the narc in terms of the brain/ as far as she is concerned and as far as our brains are concerned any violation of these is ground zero also in terms of basic chemistry she has the scienticic data that proves that getting over this is NO different than heroine not that its "like" an addiction it IS an addiction, so our senses are a primary concern My hope for you is that you dont put off your healing another day delete them now, give up the ghost life is short enough even if you get 100 years she maintains that it takes 2 years to fully "grieve" this what are you waiting for? YOUR LIFE is calling... be blessed k
Jun 13 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Girlsinger

I did it! I don't know why I needed someone to tell me to do it, when I know it had to eventually be done. It was one last thing I was still holding onto, that I was having a hard time letting go of. I did listen to them - there were over twenty! I know I wasn't supposed to but it made it easier to delete each one afterwards, one by one. If I hadn't listened, I would have had CD afterwards and wish I had kept them. Now they're gone forever and I'm okay with that. Last night and this morning I was cleaning out old messages in my FB inbox from him. There were still a few left even though I had gotten rid of so many already. I also cleaned out messages about him with my friends, which there were a ton of. I still have a bunch in another email account, but I can't even deal with those right now. Some of those are actually helpful to read to remind myself what I'm NOT "missing" when I start feeling sad. He lives in another state, so I know I won't see him anywhere except pictures if I look at them. Oh jeez, and then there are the gifts! I guess I need to deal with those too, but not today. What did everyone here do about the gifts? In the book "Puzzling People, the Labyrinth of the Psychopath" by Thomas Sheridan, he says to get rid of them because they're just toxic reminders to your system, which is what the P wants and why he gave them in the first place. I've bookmarked that website, but haven't had a chance to read anything on it yet. And I agree - it IS an addiction. Somehow I knew that even at the beginning of the relationship. He was my secret addiction.
Jun 13 - 10AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Right on, Empath!

This is HUGE! Yet another one of us ridding ourselves of the baggage! Keep moving ahead. It does feel good, doesn't it? I'm very proud of you and happy for you! Light and love to you and all who stop here from (trying really hard to not start) spinning. THE SICK PSYCHO FREAK POISONED ME BUT I'M NOT GONNA KEEP SWALLOWING.

spinning

Jun 13 - 10AM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Voice Mail Messages

I still have several VM messages left in my phone before I went NC in March. I know I need to delete them and I still can't bring myself to do it. They are, of course, nice messages he left me after the D&D, probably trying to keep me dangling for future recycling material. Somebody, please give me the kick in the pants I need to delete these!
Jun 11 - 9PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

delete, delete, delete is my

delete, delete, delete is my favorite phrase these days ironically, some girlfriends advised me to do just that a week before I found out about N's true nature they could see it but I couldn't now I know and those are the best words of advise I can give
Jun 12 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
empath
empath's picture

DELETE DELETE DELETE

My bff says this to me all the time now...it has become our new catch phrase for just about everything, and always results in a giggle. I thank God for my best friend and for the wonderful people on this forum, no one else would ever understand what this is like.
Jun 11 - 3AM
Steph
Steph's picture

YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! You

YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are an inspiration to all of us here! A STRONG inspiration! NC is THE ONLY WAY! Thanks for posting! xoxo, Steph
Jun 12 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
empath
empath's picture

NC NC NC

No contact really is the only way. I am not sure why, even though I believe in it so strongly, that it is taking me as long as it is to REALLY put it into effect. I will not call/email/text etc. him, yet I still haven't truly and fully taken steps to keep him from contacting me. I have not been able to bring myself to the point where I simply block his email, rather than just filter it into an obscure folder. I know I still have to "abandon all hope" for the N. I still have to let go completely of the idea that maybe this is all just a bad dream. It's real, it really happened, there really is no hope for him, and all my hope should be directed towards ME and my future, which will hopefully include someone worthy of a wonderful and caring person like me...because now it's all about ME! ME ME ME! lol