I messed up today
I messed up today
I messed up today. I veered off of my script(what I am suppossed to say and do when my N calls me) and I answered the phone instead of waiting 20 minuets and calling him back. I allowed him to "push my buttons" and get me upset and yelling. I said alot of things I shouldn't. I fed the vampire, so to speak. I went off on him and cussed him out. I think it was because I had a "hugging" dream about him again. I hate those dreams. I allowed him to threaten me. And to frighten me. I took a giant step backwards in doing this. I wish the court would hurry up and make it to where I don't have to talk to him. I am not in a strong enough state right now to dodge his manipulations. I just need more NC time before I can interact with him. On any leval.
I feel bad. I am trying to forgive myself. I am just mad at myself because now I am afraid of him again. I hate that. I wish I wouldn't have answered the phone.
I didn't evan look at the caller ID when I answered because I was driving and in a hurry. I thought it was my mom calling. Oh well. What's done is done.
Leah
Leah
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
Leah
Why are so overly
Leah