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Is it personal ?

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#1 Jun 7 - 12PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Is it personal ?

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/danger-of-ascribing-normal-human... I read our Kathys piece on weather narc abuse is personal about a year ago and at the tie i didnt want to hear what she was saying becaues i was still in the early stages of healing ...It damm well felt personal , he belittled ME , he shamed ME he hit ME how was that not personal ? but as time has gone on and i re read this this evening i get what she is saying and i know that he would have done what he did to me to anyone .. he has done it to everyone he has ever know as new soties emurge about him all the time .. a quick exsample .. A good friend of ours had a father who drank and abused our friend when he was a child , my narc and the friend where driving and my narc got out his whisky (he is on a bottle a day ... high five !)and the friend said "please could you not drink that in frount of me as it upsets me " .. my narc said to him "im going to drink this infount of you because you need to learn how to get over it " .. our friend and narc are no longer talking ...Stories like that are comming in thick and fast .. he WILL abuse everyone .. in time .. big love Scoop x

Jun 7 - 1PM
Used
Used's picture

ITS PERSONAL

IT IS PERSONAL..I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO HE USED TO DISAPPEAR AND WHEN HE CAME BACK HE WOULD SAY HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON.?..THATS NOT PERSONAL? BUT HE DIDNT ACT THAT WAY TO EVERY ONE ,,NO WAY DID HE..HE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT A NASTY INCIDENT ONE DAY WITH SOMEONE, WHEN I SAID OH WHAT DID YOU DO/SAY? HE SAID I DID NOTHING...IF I HAD SAID OR DONE ANY THING I WOULD HAVE COME WELL UNSTUCK..THAT GUY TAKES NO FUCKING PRISONERS, I SAID YOU ARE A BULLYING COWARD AND PICK ON THE WEAK...HE SAID I KNOW I DO...I KNOW WHO I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT AND WHO I CANT...THATS WHY HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIS OW AND WENT BALLISTIC WHEN SHE TOLD ME .HE KNEW I WOULDNT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT AND I DIDNT....
Jun 7 - 12PM
terri
terri's picture

so true for me

"But the court system fails at recognising the one-sided nature of the narc. It does not recognise the intenseness of the one-up-manship, the power and control that is consuming the Narc against his partner." I was not married to the narc so thankfully didn't have to deal with the court system. But this comment about the one-up-manship really hit a nerve with me. Competition and one-up-manship shadowed every aspect of our relationship. I have never before experienced this sort of thing in ANY RELATIONSHIP I've ever been in. After the big engagement breakup last year, the exN commented to me that he had thought that we had stopped being "friends" to each other. Gee, ya think? Just figured that out Einstein? And were we ever friends? He said it like he had just had an epiphany about it but I think it was one of his "advisors" who might have fed that idea to him. He really had no clue about the give-and-take nature of an intimate relationship. He could give gifts, buy dinner, etc. but when it came to emotional giving, he was absolutely vacant.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Jun 7 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

" Competition and

" Competition and one-up-manship shadowed every aspect of our relationship. I have never before experienced this sort of thing in ANY RELATIONSHIP I've ever been in." I never really had this with the Narc that I can think of right now, but it probably would have shown up if I were married to him. Having a LDR for a year I think spared me some of the other horrors that would have inevitably cropped up based on the stories here. But this is exactly the kind of thing my P mother has with me and my sister! She's always been jealous and envious of us and competitive! What kind of mother competes with their child? Normal mothers want you to have a better life than they had, they want the best for you. Not HER! She is envious of any kind of success we've had and begrudges us and belittles us for it. No matter what kind of problems you have, hers are worse. She always has to top your story. Always has to divert the attention, sympathy, whatever to herself.
Jun 7 - 12PM
candy
candy's picture

wow

wow ! .. what horrible thing to do to someone who has been through a trauma related with alchol .... they really are sick people and they really do love to hurt others... if only they realised how much hurt they cause !