Help the lizard is hovering

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 30 - 1PM

Scoop

Help the lizard is hovering

Heres the story and i know might want to judge me but all this is better out than in . I went to a wedding , i knew he would be there but it was a dear friend and i had to go . He stood next to me the whole time although we where not seated togther at dinner . I liked him standing next to me , that energy that comes off him when he has his nice guy image is in toxicating . I had many drinks and i gave him a piece of my mind , we then talked for a very long time about our relationship and the way he treated me , there is no other girl this i believe due to his sexual issue he is not one to sleep around ,i think he would if it wasnt for this though . I went back to his and although we cuddled all night and all morning there was no sex , he tryed but i said no .He invited me round yesterday but i said no and he has invited me to a party at the weekend .
For fuck sake . It feels like the last three months of pain has gone , i dont remember it .What is happening ? Why does this man make me loose my senses . I keep remembering Barbara post "pain hurts dont go through it for nothing " but its not sinking in , nothing is sinking in apart from the image of being with him again in bed .
A BIG FAT HELP GIRLS.
Peru x

#2 Oct 2 - 5PM

cynthia (not verified)

YOUR NOT ALONE

i DIDNT SEE MINE for a year and went back and BAM, he pulled me back in, when he walked in the door I melted, so trust me I know the urges and how painful it is to want them and wonder what the hell is wrong with me, NOTHING IS WRONG with you, YOU JUST HAVE TO FIGHT IT UNTIL YOU GET THRU THE LONG NC PERIOD. I know that I CAN NEVER NEVER see mine again even years from now, too toxic and addictive to get near so keep that in mind, I was truly addicted to mine and it was living hell and I never want to go thru it again.

#3 Oct 2 - 12PM

Scoop

sorry about the swearing .

Right , he was seeing someone else and still is for all i care ,I was at his house on sat night and on the sunday night she was there . He is so stupid as i am best girlfriends with his house mate, did he think she wouldnt tell me ? what a compleat prick (disfuntional prick as im sure she has found out by now lol) You know what .. fuck his sorry arse . Sorry for the wobble , i am back on track . Who the flying arseing fuck does he think he is , ill tell you who he is a fucking weasle lizard with a stupid walk and a penis the size of a maggot (a small maggot) Peru x

#4 Sep 30 - 7PM

Marie

OMG

Can't leave you alone for a minute! All I can say is RUN!!!!!! Believe me I know how easy it is to fall back under their spell. Do yourself a big favor and don't. Mine still tries to weasel his way back in. When he stopped by a week ago I heard all about the pretty shade of my new eye shadow, how sweet my perfume smelled... Then he asked if I'd sit with his mom while he went to the store. He bent down and kissed the top of my head (ewwwww). You know he probably went to his OW's house. He still tells me how much he misses me but never calls or emails.Even if he did I'd never take him back. Life is so much better without him. I'm not sure how old you are (not asking) but I'm 46. I have spent a good portion of my life being miserable with horrible men. When I think of all the times I spent crying, feeling sick, being abused and just unhappy I get so mad at myself. A funny story. In college I dated this guy, he would do things to pick fights with me because he thought it was funny. The last date I had with him all he did was complain about his ex-gf. After dinner we went for a drive. We kept driving down this same street, finally he pointed out his ex-gf's house that was the end of him. I could have been home watching TV, reading, out with friends or sleeping. No, I'm done for awhile. I suggest going back and reading some of your posts and really thinking things over before you fall under his spell again. Deep down there's a little part of you that wants to go back and have it work out. I've been there done that too. You know it always goes back to the same thing. Mine would go right back to chasing others and giving me the silent treatment. If you fall I won't ever tell you I told you so but my opinion is to stay away.

#5 Sep 30 - 4PM

quietude (not verified)

peru

Hon, I'm glad you came here to talk about it before acting further. Listen to what's being said here, please! Some of us could possibly experience the same feelings and emotions being around our ex's again. That's what stops a lot of us. We KNOW the pull, the attraction, but KNOW it's SO bad for us. You KNOW deep down this relationship is poison, and a dead end. You're in a trance girl. NO man is THAT good in bed to put up with nothing but misery and BS most other times. Sex is not worth wasting your life for one more minute on this a-hole. Time moves quickly, and more quickly when you're older...don't crap away your life with a loser. Snap out of it, sister! Come back into the light...hugs!

#6 Sep 30 - 4PM

Carolyn

You are in love/lust with a

You are in love/lust with a man who is manipulative and controlling. He knows how to approach the romantic side of you and get you back 'into the game'. If this type of man was easy to deal with, good side or bad, Lisa wouldn't have material for a book and this website wouldn't exist. The why of how they do it depends on the victim. they have a natural instinct for the internal emotional make-up of the individual that they are seducing. Seduction is a form of control. then when you add the normal intimacy to the mix they attack as intimacy is very threatening to them. I guess the problem is you are always dancing to his tune he can't and won't dance to yours. they marry, have children, look good to others, but one on one their partner is really victimized. the only thing that works is no contact until the 'drug' wears off. It is hard but it is the only way.

#7 Sep 30 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

Ellen

til the drug wears off

You said 'no contact until the drug wears off' Does that mean that i will eventually be able to see clearly and that right now i am anaethetised by a drug. That sounds good if that is true cos i want to wake up from this nightmare.

#8 Sep 30 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

Barbara (not verified)

takes a LOOOOONG time, Ellen

"the drug" is his mind control. The gold standard for starting to see out of their FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) is 18 months. 18 months of strict NO CONTACT this is how they DO IT!!: Since many pathologicals need much less sleep than normal people, lack of sleep is likely to catch up with her. The pathological consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. (This improves his trance & hypnosis of her) The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the pathological, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extraverted, highly exciting persona. ~~~~~ The early days of being wooed and lured by a pathological are the most exciting times that women remember. Consistently described as â€œcharmingâ€ the pathological is irresistible in his personality traits. Women described him as â€œa charming and engaging conversationalist, agreeable, insightful, sweet, twinkling eyes, a compelling talker, funny, a great storyteller, fun to be with, delightful, exciting, companionable, loyal, enthusiastic, upbeat, fun-loving, intense, and sensitive.â€ From this list of traits, itâ€™s easy to see why women are enamored with his personality. By this list, whatâ€™s not to like? During the luring stage, he is highly complimentary. Pathologicals use intensity and then flattery to overwhelm her emotionally, and then set her at ease. The purpose of the luring stage is to hook her. The purpose of the honeymoon stage is to hoodwink her. In the pathologicalâ€™s arsenal to achieve this hooking and hoodwinking, is any person, place, thing, word, or behavior that will sell her on his illusion. While she is reeling in flattery, swimming in the bonding-hormone oxytocin (from all the sex), and snuggling up to his stories of their future lives togetherâ€¦ the pathological is solidifying his internal imprint in her by his use of trance and capitalizing on her suggestibility. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/18/youve-been-brainwashed-part-i http://www.nlpmind.com/images/ss.gif and you must embrace the ABSOLUTE TRUTH to heal ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#9 Sep 30 - 3PM

Monica

You are brainwashed and hypnotized, Perutoo....

That is why nothing makes sense to you right now. Why you think you are losing your senses. If you have a therapist, make an appointment right away. Or even see your family doctor for help. I have tried to get my xN to go away for weeks now and he just will not leave me alone. I finally gave him the what-for today, in person, telling him everything that I have been holding back from saying to him for over a year now. Looking at him today, I have NO IDEA what I ever saw in him. There is NO attraction whatsoever. And I think he finally got the message. When he left, I cried hysterically. I feel lost. I am in pain. And I really don't know why. Maybe I still miss Mr. Pretend Guy...and I haven't even seen him since before last Christmas. He tried to manipulate me even during my talk with him today and, somehow, I stayed firm and strong. (Yay for me!) He made inappopriate comments that made me think "Ewwwww!" Just hours after he left, I saw my family doctor and I have an appointment with a therapist (first time) in two days. Perutoo, you and I both know that the pain will return, it is only a matter of time. They lure us in now but in a few days..maybe even hours or maybe weeks...we will be in pain again, hurting, rejected, confused, abused. Try to stay strong. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Mine has practically destroyed me but I am fighting back now with everything I have, everything at my disposal. Please talk to someone, see your doctor, anything to get back to NC. They will destroy us over and over again until we finally say, "No more!" I will be thinking of you.

#10 Sep 30 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

NanC (not verified)

Monica

Good advice! I can't tell you how many times I tried to get a way from this man. I'd move and he'd follow me. I'd move again and he'd follow me. I literally moved a total of 10 times in a short time, toting my kids behind me! Every time I'd lure me back and every time it was the same shit! It never ever changed. It finally ended when he decided it was going to end, we he decided he needed a new "supply". It was so devastating after so much time invested but the pain of HIM leaving me was (and still is hurting) is sooo worth it! Just the peace and calmness that we didn't feel when he was around. It's still hard to see him and hear his voice (oh my gosh, I just want to melt when I hear his voice)but then I remind myself who he really is and remember how much he's hurt not only me, but my most precious babies that loved him so much, it immediately puts me back in check. I really wish he'd fall off the face of the earth!

#11 Sep 30 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

Marie

NanC

Amazing! I've been thinking of moving too but he hasn't been coming around near as much as he used to. He's got a voice too that really gets me deep down. My heart used to skip a beat everytime I'd hear him coming up the walk to my house. When he dumped me I remember listening for him hoping I'd see him walking up the drive. The few times I heard him outside was when he was visiting his friend a few houses down. Now I cringe. Whenever he comes by he's always singing or whistling. I always wish something would fall out of the sky on him. I knew him three years, we were together two. It was nothing but a roller coaster and sheer waste of time. I don't feel the pain like I once did, my days are happier now but regret ever knowing him he did a lot of damage.

#12 Sep 30 - 1PM

Barbara (not verified)

perutoo

you're back to square one. GET BACK ON THE NC WAGON IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!! go to MESSAGE BOARD and re-read some of your old posts. and go see your therapist ASAP! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#13 Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

nhtmf

Hey PeruToo, before I had

Hey PeruToo, before I had found this site and well before I'd ever heard of no contact something similar happened to me. I literally had just found out that I'd been in an abusive relationship. After 2 and a half years of "crazy making" being bestowed upon me. A friend turned me onto a domestic violence counselor and she had finally given me something to work with. I had been in regular couseling and getting nowhere. The DV couselor had the N pegged over the phone, on my first call to her. I was still back and forth with the N a bit. I had kicked him out and he was living elsewhere at the time. As I learned more and then found this site I felt, OK now I'm getting somewhere. He, of course, had found new supply that didn't work out too well for him so again he was calling me. Four months of being apart at this point. I was still digesting that I could have been abused, me? Anyway, called the DV counselor and told her N wanted to come back to live with me. She told me to call her in one month no matter how things were going. She also let me know that he would be on his best behavior for at least a month but if he had real control over himself it might take up to 3 months for his real self to shine through. At this pont I had so much more info than I'd had four months previously. I called her on the 30th day that he was back and told her that the "symtoms" of his abuse were just starting to come out. She told me to be careful and to call her in a week at the latest. By the end of that 5th week we were in full blown back to shit mode. He'd ignored me for 3 days straight, etc. Sex, forget it!! The usual. When I came across a key to my house that was a copy and brand new hidden in the lining of his jewelry box I flipped. This guy is creepy was all I could think. Those same feelings came rushing back, fight or flight.....When he came home from work that day, after speaking at length with my DV couselor, I kicked his butt out of the house and am now in my 7th month of NC. I know this is the long way of getting to my point but Perutoo I just wanted to say you are normal, all of us learn at a different pace and even though they are all basically the same we are not. I agree with Barbara about the NC wholeheartedly but I know that if I did not have those last weeks with my XN, even though I was supposed to know better, I never would be NC even today. I think we all just have to find our own point of ENOUGH !!! In your heart you know what the outcome will be but you just have to do it again. I did and I'm not sorry because it was ENOUGH and I knew it. NC has been no problem for me at all. I may eat those words but so far I'm just counting down till I can trust again. I also refuse to let him enter my life in any way so I have to begin that countdown again. Hugs, Deb

#14 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

dolce (not verified)

I dont know where to start

I dont know where to start or what to say. I want you to realize you are worth more than this, but how do I convey that in a short comment? I would tell your therapist that you felt "intoxicated". Where's your list of all the abusive things this animal did to you? Are you still thinking the whole thing was your fault? Back on the wagon, girlfriend! ~Free to Be~

#15 Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Ellen

Its so difficult

Hi, I wouldn't mind seeing the list of all the things he did too. I suppose that is how they have got by all through life so he has mastered the behaviour. I can see how it could happen. I'm lucky my ex things i'm the definate bad character. Do you mind me asking what his sexual issue is cos my ex had issues and i'm still affected now by his lack of interest.

#16 Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Scoop

He has premature ejaculation

He has premature ejaculation , he never not wanted to have sex it just that he wasnt very good at it ,i just read that line back to my self and had a bit of a laugh , so to recap he has no money , is rubbish in bed , has a fake laugh he is so stupid he doesnt know his stupid , he is critical to the extream and walks with a bounce. WHY then am i thinking of inviting him back in WHY WHY !

#17 Sep 30 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

perutoo - take a look

1. GO BACK AND READ YOUR OLD POSTS - here's some of your 'greatest hits': http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/24/rant-sorry-about-swearing http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/17/sexual-dysfunction http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/20/public-humiliation http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/10/can-we-still-be-friends-f-k http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/06/no-contact-question http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/18/he-didnt-my-dog http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/14/how-im-feeling 2. you are NOT FAR ENOUGH out of the mind control & hypnosis. You are NO WHERE NEAR deprogrammed from him - so don't even THINK of taking him back.... NO WAY JOSE. Has he changed? do you think things will be better? are you thinking clearly? or just lonely? or hypnotized? do you really need or even deserve this dirtbag in your life? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#18 Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Ellen

I think you just talked yourself round

Hi Well my ex was also rubbish in bed but he was impotent anyway. Sounds like you don't want him anyway.

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