1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Bummed

Bummed

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 5 - 7PM
heritage
heritage's picture

Bummed

Have not sspoke to him since jan but I do know he has hooked up with old gf from 2004 that had broke up with him after 6 mos. He then met me and dated me for 5 years and discarded me in Jan and went back to her. Tonight I drove by his house and her car was there. I'm sure he was making dinner for her. I taught him to cookj and bought him all the pots and pans and cookbooks. I became so sad. I drove home feeling alone and knowing that he just moves along like never happened. Someone pls give me words to make me feel better. I will never sleep tonight. Thanks.

Jun 6 - 2PM
nancyh
nancyh's picture

Dentalas

I am sorry to hear about the recent pain of seeing her car. Words to make you feel better (I hope): 1) It really does get better with time. 2) If you can, try and sleep tonight, think about it this way - he is not losing sleep thinking about you (I'm not trying to be mean but your health is certainly more important than his - you need to rest to have clarity of thought, remove the fog). Take a bubble bath. If you can, schedule some time to be with friends tonight. Rent a comedy (not a romantic one). 3) You have a ton of women & men who will support you on this site whenever you may need it. 4) You are a good person and deserve better than the N. Hugs, Nan

Nan

Jun 6 - 12PM
Steph
Steph's picture

argh, that is such a

argh, that is such a sickening feeling, isn't it?? to think of them with someone else so soon after being with you. We can all relate to that feeling and it's hard at the time to think it will ever get better. But it does. You must maintain NC....no more driving by his house! That accomplishes NOTHING but hindering your recovery. Keep reading everything you can about abuse and about narcs and keep venting here and "getting it out". This is an article that I always find helps.....maybe you may find it helpful too.... http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/the-other-woman-now-hes-happy-with-her Hang in there! xoxo
Jun 6 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
heritage
heritage's picture

staying strong 78

Hey, I just read the link you sent and it was fantastic and I thank you. It really drfove the point home. I loved my honeymoon phase. But the cracks started showing and I had never been so badly abused in my life. ?And his past relationship with ex was very bad and 2 daughters do not speak to him. I always looked at his past behavior as a husband and as a father and it made me nervous. He abandon them and he knew it bothered me and then bam he abandon me. So past behavior is the best indicator.
Jun 6 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
Steph
Steph's picture

absolutely. the new woman

absolutely. the new woman will endure exactly what you have. glad the article helped:) xoxo
Jun 5 - 8PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Yanno...after reading

Yanno...after reading here...going through so much sorrow myself...over these past two months since my breakup...I'd say there is probably nothing of true immediate value I can add here. Except to say. You will eventually heal. You will eventually NOT drive by his house. You will eventually not feel this way. Isn't that good news? But, when will ''eventually'' happen? lol That will be up to you. I have learned than NC. True NC. In this case, driving by...anything that opens the wound for you, needs to cease for you to heal. So, take one day at a time. Tomorrow, for example...tell yourself...you will try hard to avoid anything that leads you to opening up the wound. Then, go onto the next day. Eventually, you will develop new habits. Your memories WILL fade of him, and you won't care. EVENTUALLY ...you may even pray for the man. You will not be in the same spot forever. I promise. Keep working on your eventually. {{hugs}} ps--and know...he may come back for you, since this looks like what he does...goes back to former supply. don't fall for him again. promise yourself.
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
heritage
heritage's picture

deidre40

Thanks for your words. You are goin on 2 months and I am on 4 months. I find myself going in spurts. I always think about him. That has not ceased.But in differfent frequencies, anger, hate, confusion, hurt, etc. I had such a long honeymoon phase (4 years) and my head is still so screwed up from him. From all of a sudden turning against me. But I know his new re-hooking up won't last. The drive by hurt me. Until I did it tonight I had no idea if they were still together. So you're right. No more drive bys. Thanks.
Jun 5 - 8PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Remember that these guys are incapable of love

He wants something from her. It is an exploitive relationship. He's found a weakness in her to fit himself into. Once he gets what he's after, she's toast! Likely since it's a second go round, she'll get hell from him even worse than the first time around. If anyone is to be destroyed, better it be her than you. She's taking the target off your back and its now on hers! There is nothing to envy there! Could be after he's done with her, he'll be back knocking on your door. Run!
Jun 5 - 7PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT HE IS.

TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT HE IS. SHE IS NOW WHERE YOU ONCE WERE AND WILL SOMEDAY SOON BE WHERE YOU ARE NOW.
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
heritage
heritage's picture

sparrow

Yes sparrow you arfe right. she's in honeymoon phase and it's his expertise. I shouldn't have gone by. It's true every step sets you back. I have to think about how abusive he was to me and I will get past it. Who doesn't like a honeymoon. The difference with theirs is it's an act. Thanks.
Jun 5 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Dentlas

Better her than you. May they both get food poisoning. Go eat a big Cheese burger you'll feel better. I know … calories.. but at times like this.. Fuck it! Hunter
Jun 5 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
heritage
heritage's picture

hunter

You are good at this. Do you thingk because he dated her before and she ditched him he will have his turn now. While with me he never got over the fact that she didn't want him. Would he be worse to her if he decides to discard her because he never got to the first time or no?
Jun 5 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Dentlas

I think he's just looking for supply. Im sure he BS his way back. He'll get bored. Get out the popcorn. We can take bets as to how long it last. if this is round two, Three months tops, I think that is being generous. Hunter Try not to think about. Plan something fun to look forward to. :)