I am so tired
I am so tired
I am so tired, mentally and physically. I want so badly to be angry with my ex, I want him to be the person that he said he was. I want him to apologize for lying to me and my family, for emotionally abusing me and making it seem like it was my fault that everything happened. I was devastated when I found out about his lies, I was in denial, he still is. I started no contact, which lasted for a little while, I rationalized everything and made it better in my head, as soon as I spoke with him, I melted again and fell right back into the spell. I wanted to believe that he could change, that I could change him. I worked in the mental health field, I knew in my head that change for narcissists is near impossible, I have worked with them before. My entire life is upside down, I have quit my job because I cannot work with mentally ill people anymore, he broke me. I hate being in my house because I have so many memories here with him, this is where it all started, I thought it was going to be the best year of my life, it has turned out to be the most difficult. I am trying to take time to heal, but no one understands what I have been through, my family has no idea what this has done to me, they say I am not the same person I was before this all happened, I know this, but I don't know that I will ever be the same, this has been life changing. My rose colored glasses have been shattered and I need to learn to see life through different lenses. Just because I am a trusting and honest person, does not mean that everyone is. Like I said before, I have worked with the mentally ill, I know all about them, but the people I worked with lived a different lifestyle, they weren't "like me". They didn't show up in a suit, have a job, come from a wealthy family, they weren't like me, he played the part, but he was more ill than anyone I have met.
I am so tired, I want to let go, but I don't know how to do it. I am taking some time to heal and I am moving out of my rental house in June, which I hope helps to clear my head and reduces the triggers. I know there is a blessing in this somewhere.
I too left my job
I too left my job
It's a really long
One day at a time!
If you continue with this
IMSTRONGER
hunter
DENTALAS