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Could need some support today

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#1 May 20 - 10AM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Could need some support today

The day has come: it's very likely that I will see my ex-narc for the first time in 2 months in a couple of hours.

We're both taking part in a (weekly) sports event and it looks like he'll be coming as well (according to the event's facebook page). I was almost thinking of not going but it's something I really enjoy doing plus I usually meet friends there. I don't want him to be the reason for not going...

So anyway... feeling pretty strong but also shaky at the same time.
I made sure I am going to meet 2 friends at the event (one of them knows all about the narc, the other one knows enough) for support, so I won't be alone.

I also have some lines in my head of what I could say should he initiate conversation but I feel you can't ever be prepared for what a narc will do or say.
He hasn't been hoovering (I haven't been online and he hasn't called or sent emails) recently but I have a feeling he wanted me to see he'll be at that event (he knows I'm on Facebook all the time). Last year he never posted he might attend.

So I am hoping he won't attend after all but if he does I'll definitely see him and... well, just send some positive thoughts my way please. I hope I'll stay strong... ugh

May 20 - 5PM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Thanks everyone, I am

Thanks everyone, I am back. Well, he didn't show up after all, so after I kept looking to see if he was around for the first 15mins or so, I realized he probably wasn't I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the time. I had a really good time and obviously don't regret going, BUT 1) I hear what you are all saying and I wouldn't have posted here if I had been sure of what I was doing. The only thing I am absolutely certain of is that I NEVER want to be in a relationship with the narc again, NOR be his friend. But, like you all said, you can never know what they'll do 2) Part of me wishes I had run into him because then I wouldn't have to go through this again next time - whenever that will be. So problem not really solved...but good enough for now
May 20 - 2PM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Personally I'd say don't go

Personally I'd say don't go and I'm feeling pretty damn strong, like Hunter said if you go be sure you stay VERY CLOSE to your friends. Also, I wouldn't plan lines in my head because more than likely they come with some shit we're not prepared to answer to. I tried to break up with my Narc about hmmm 10 times? 2 times I succeeded for a day or two... they come with EVERYTHING you want to hear, and ONE look into their eyes and you're almost always sucked back in. If you can AVOID him at ALL costs, even if he comes up to you and says something... It's called grab your friends & walk to the bathroom because you have to pee :) and don't have time to talk ;) Good Luck tonight! BE STRONG! Think of all the shit he's put you through and all the shit all the other narcs have put ALL the women through on here- some worse than others!! Let us know how it goes!!!
May 20 - 2PM
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

I am four months, into this thing, and I know I am not strong

enough. The have a pull like a vampire. It's true. Go into it expecting that. Good luck. I admire you that you want to get on with your life. I am just starting to feel like that. You go girl!!!
May 20 - 11AM
dudette
dudette's picture

Depends how strong you feel

in the early months I would have avoided something like that at all costs... Now I am fierecely determined to live my life, unhindered by the N and his potential wherebouts and behaviours.... I just don't know him and that's it....
May 20 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I recommend not going! Cant

I recommend not going! Cant you meet friends after tbe event? But if you must stay close to friends at all times, he will conor you like a Pitt Bull if you are alone! He is going to push buttons, be prepared for anything. Hunter
May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Thanks. I am aware of the

Thanks. I am aware of the "danger". And I am prepared for anything.
May 20 - 10AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Alisa

Only you know what is best for you, but try to think it over and make sure you really are going for the event and not to get a glimpse of him. Also, make sure you are mentally ready for something like that. I have a feeling you will get there and not be paying attention but looking around to see if narc is near by? Be careful is all!
May 20 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Narc sighting

I have a child in common with the N, and see the N at school functions, and she always makes sure she is outside when it is my turn to pick up my daughter at her house. It used to be very difficult, but now I always know that attention is what she wants, sometimes from me and sometimes not. I realized I was free when I didn't care anymore whether she wanted anyting or not, I only want what is best for my child. If we didn't share a kid, I would never have contact again. Sounds easy, but it took over a year to get to this point, this recovery is a process, and knowing that she is sick and will be forever made moving on so much easier. Humpty dumpty can never be put back together again. Chris
May 20 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
mynewlife2011
mynewlife2011's picture

good for you Chris

I wish I was at that point. I share children with my ExNH and he isalways looking for attention. He can never just come up to the door and knock (actually intially he would just let himself in, and I had to set boundaries.) When he comes to the door he rings the bell 20 times like a 4 year old, or knocks 20 times really loud and then laughs when the scared kids run to the door. I am not at your place yet. I hide in my bedroom when he comes and avoid seeing him at all costs because I do not need emotions stirred up in me (I really am working on me.) thanks for being an inspiration and reminding me that it will (with time0 get easier.
May 21 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Time and distance

The more time passes, the stronger we get. I notice some days I feel like I make a backwards step, but then soon notice that more and more levels are being healed all the time. It is easier knowing they are sick, so to them it isn't personal, they will always act this way. I am ashamed at some of my behaviors and actions, she is not, that is an importnat distinction. I now like not giving her supply, and NC and no sharing physical space whenever possible helps this. We with children have special circumstances, and we deal with them and still grow and get better, and now know we don't deserve to be ruled by a crazy person, what a freedom and a new happiness!!! Chris
May 20 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

I am definitely going for the

I am definitely going for the event. Went there last week as well when I knew narc was out of town and definitely not going. Normally I go there with a bunch of friends, one is even a guy I like but he's not able to come today. The event (don't want to be specific) is extremely fun and something I look forward to all week in the warm months. Yes, I might be looking if narc's around, that's very probable. And I know it will be awkward but I need to be moving on in a way too and he can't be keeping me from doing things I enjoy. I promise, I'll be careful and have one big wall around me...
May 20 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

good luck!

good luck!