My poor baby!

24 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 22 - 9PM

Anonymous (not verified)

My poor baby!

Omg! It just rips my heart that my daughter crys her little eyes out for her daddy! I had to break the NC because she wouldn't let up. This is all my fault that my daughter is in this pain & I can't take it away! She is always going to be hurt by this man! I called him & i could hear h coaxing her like he used to do me, sounding so sincere when all I could think about is "what a fake!" My daughter was cryin & sayin that she missed him & wanted him & he was all choked up as well! WTF???? He lives in San Antonio, Tx & we live in New Braunfels! Does anyone know where thats at? It is no further than 30 minutes! You would think he lived on the other side of the world!!!

#2 Sep 24 - 9PM

Barbara (not verified)

taping someone without their consent

check the state by state guide here: http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html but you still should tape him just for your own EDIFICATION. Would your husband be willing to adopt the child as his own? Might be better for her all the way around. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#3 Sep 24 - 9PM (Reply to #21)

NanC (not verified)

Absolutely. He's offered to

Absolutely. He's offered to adopt her. N called once and asked me what he had to do to sign his rights over but of course, now he's saying he didn't mean it, claims he just wanted to hurt me and piss me off. I even told him I would drop everything and he wouldn't have to pay me the back child support but he won't budge now. Anyway Barbara, thanks for your advice. You must get tired of our consent questions and wanting you to reassure us. You are like, our Guardian Angel! (I'm sure your kids would agree that you are an angel!)

#4 Sep 24 - 9PM (Reply to #22)

Barbara (not verified)

thanks NanC

actually they both tell me that I am. Someday I will tell them they started life in a petrie dish... LOL I don't believe them though. I believe they deserve a physically healthier mother. I would press to see if he wants to sign over his rights. He'd be off the hook financially. And she'd have someone stable who loves her... not uses her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#5 Sep 25 - 4PM (Reply to #23)

dolce (not verified)

Barbara

Believe your kids when they say this to you! let it sink in. I feel the same. I wish my kids didnt have a mother with a panic disorder. I love them so much and want me to be so much better for them. But I do all I can in every other way to show my love and I think they see that. As they get older they are becoming more and more able to understand my condition. ~Free to Be~

#6 Sep 22 - 10PM

Barbara (not verified)

NanC

document document document tell your attorney THERE IS NO WAY YOU WANT ANYTHING BUT SOLE CUSTODY and SUPERVISED VISITATION. She's young, she'll forget. Believe me. Is your daughter in counseling? She SHOULD BE! Ask your pediatrician for a referral and add it to what he needs to pay you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#7 Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

NanC (not verified)

I will get with her

I will get with her pediatrician & get her counseling. Her kindergarten teacher emailed me & said she wasn't being herself & was acting out. Thanks for the advice. (I can't seem to make it thru the day without log in in everyday for my strength from all of you.) I wpuld be soo lost with out you all!

#8 Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

neveragain

I Agree With Barbara

Document EVERYTHING....with as much detail as possible! It's very, very important. Do it now and don't ever stop because your daughter's well being depends on it. Get her to a therapist and go regularly. I did those things with my daughter when I left her father. She was six. When she would be in the car with me and we would pass a man walking by himself, she'd start crying. She felt so sorry for the man walking down the street because he was alone. Her father was so full of manipulation...he played the victim role to the T. It was sickening. He was so good at it! He was SO good at it that my daughter felt sorry for him and any man she saw! That's how her six year old brain worked. He would cry and talk about me to her. It was sick. I didn't let it change what I knew was the truth. His acting wasn't going to deter me from getting her help and protecting her from the toxic situation he had created. My daughgter is 25 now and just got married. Last week, her and her new husband moved across the country. She told me that she's glad that she's going to be away from "that relationship". (I never said anything bad about him...she knew everything about him from dealing with him herself as she grew up.) She said that "He's not my responsibility, Mom....I can't keep trying to make everything okay for him anymore." It was hard work to nurture her admist his crazy-making behaviors but it was well worth it. She's well-adjusted, healthy, happy, creative, smart and wise. Oh, and by the way, she married a WONDERFUL man who is so good to her, it brings tears to my eyes. Document everything. Keep your eyes and ears open. Keep your cool. You'll be okay. You'll get through this and you'll be able to help your daughter get through this too. Hugs, neveragain

#9 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

NanC (not verified)

Thank you. I can't type

Thank you. I can't type through my tears because it hurts so bad that I can't take her pain away. My daughter is six as well & I hope she will do as good as your daughter has. He gives her a guilt trip too. She's not used to talking to him everyday because he's not consistent. He'll go months without contacting her. On the days he does decide to call, he expects her to jump cause he's calling. He told her, "it really hurts my feelings when you don't want to talk to me & it makes daddy really, really sad". H hung up & started crying because she hurt her dad's feelings...what about her feelings & the Christmas with no gifts or even coming to see her because he's with his new gf & her kids??? Now she is begging to see him this wkend (its not his wkend). Do I give in for my daughter's sake? Do I let her go or do I let her keep hurting & missing him??? I hate this... :(

#10 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

grossot

Nanc

You have to keep ridgid schedules and never budge. It's not his weekend so I suggest not giving in to your daughter and not flexing from the schedule. To ease things for your daughter, do something really special this weekend just mommy and H. Suggest she draw a picture for her dad or write a letter. She can tell you what she wants to say and you can write it for her. This may be a good outlet for her. Perhaps she could even call and talk to her dad. But do not budge from the schedule Because... ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#11 Sep 23 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

NanC (not verified)

My six year old daughter is

My six year old daughter is fine as long as she doesn't hear from her N father. But when he decides he wants to role play "father of the year" (usually when he gets a new gf he wants to impress), he starts calling her and she immediately falls in love with him all over again. Even her two brothers (not by the same father) feel sorry for their little sister because they see how upset she gets when he doesn't follow through. Is your exN married again or just gf? I wonder if she is on to him yet..?? If you're like me, you are waiting for them to get dumped. I know we're not suppose to wish someone bad, but I think it helps us confirm to ourselves that it really wasn't us. I don't know why my xN wants visitations. He doesn't even have a bed for her, doesn't have groceries. How am I to know she's being fed when he has her...?

#12 Sep 24 - 1AM (Reply to #19)

neveragain

Manipulations/Deception/Lies/Hurt

Your ex-N is obviously using your daughter to supply himself with tools to feed his Narcissism. YOU have to stop that cycle. You have to interfere with the communications he sporatically initiates. HE is controlling this...not you. YOU have to TAKE CONTROL of this NOW. You're standing by waiting for him to get dumped? WHAT? You're watching your daughter get calls from him and promises that you know only have a small percentage of a chance of actually happening. You have to step in, set your boundaries and stop this emotional roller-coaster of abuse that your daughter is the recipient of. Is there a set schedule? Is there a mediator or some kind of court order that you can go by? If you don't have two phones in your house, get a 2nd one and make sure that your ex-N knows that you're listening to what he is promising your daughter. YOU have to document his calls and promises. Once he knows that you have it down in writing and he doesn't follow through....oh well, that's more documentation for future court decisions. You cannot possibly allow your daughter to visit a home without the proper situation set up. A BED for one thing, FOOD for another.....activities that are healthy and good for her....this sounds like a nightmare for your daughter....I'm appalled and frustrated with it and I don't even know the DETAILS. STOP the madness and crazy-scheduled-spontaneous-devil-may-care-cavalier approach to his visitations with your daughter INCLUDING his phone calls! You have to take control of this so your daughter can see how much you love her. She needs you to be the Knight-In-Shining-Armor right now. Take steps to place your boundaries and stick to them. neveragain

#13 Sep 23 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

Barbara (not verified)

NanC

DEMAND YOUR ATTORNEY HAVE AN EVALUATION DONE OF HIM, HIS PLACE OF RESIDENCE AND A PSYCH EVAL. NOW!!!!!!!!!!! this is unacceptable. whining ain't gonna do it - you need to GO TO YOUR ATTORNEY and TAKE A STAND or get a new ATTORNEY. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#14 Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #16)

NanC (not verified)

I'm calling my attorney

I'm calling my attorney tomorrow. He had said he was going to request an emergency ...custody something.??? Anyway, I haven't heard back from him. What needs to happen and what do I need to ask to happen? How do they request a psych evaluation? I know nothing about how this works. He has joint custody and can get her every other weekend and on Thursdays 6-8. Today is Thursday (no show).

#15 Sep 24 - 8PM (Reply to #17)

Barbara (not verified)

NanC

you have to TELL your attorney you want sole custody and supervised visitation and a review of his LIVING CONDITIONS... which includes a PSYCH EVALUATION for both you & exN. TELL THEM YOU WANT THIS - that he's already playing games with your child and that it is COMPLETELY unacceptable. No call or show TWICE in a row after that court performance. Hope you are DOCUMENTING everything and telling your attorney as well. DO NOT LET HIM TALK YOU OUT OF IT. ALSO- make sure you also apply for as much aid as you need as a single parent... that will sic the state & feds on his derriere and they will dog him to the grave for what he owes.... http://www.benefitscheckup.org (btw - I taped exNH threatening me and often in front of the kids. In court he tried to convince everyone I had the tapes "doctored." They told him HE could pay for a forensic expert to prove that or admit that was him on the tapes. Guess which one he did? LOL!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#16 Sep 24 - 9PM (Reply to #18)

NanC (not verified)

I heard it was illegal to

I heard it was illegal to record someone without their knowledge. Is that true? I'm not a single parent anymore, my husband took me back after my foolishness. Thank God. My daughter adores him (she's always known him because he is her brothers father and has always been part of her life).He's never treated her any different than his boys. She calls him the "nice Daddy" and calls her biological father the "grumpy daddy". Now that we have been back home for nearly a year now, she just calls him "Daddy" and calls the other one by his name when she's not around him. I found a letter that I had written to myself five and a half years ago and I wrote how N hadn't given me any money for baby's diapers and that the boys father had given me his credit card and told me to go by the baby whatever she needed. I know, I know, I was a fool to have ever left him. He's a successful engineer, he built me the house of my dreams, and I took the chance of losing him and all that I had for this loser??? Oh my gosh...shoot me!He supports me and has given me time to grieve over this fool. I know it has to hurt him but he doesn't say. Sometimes I go on and on about the N but I need to stop that. Besides, who better than you guys know what I've been through and the hell it was to get out of it.

#17 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

NanC

get her counselor to help you with this. but do NOT give in... make sure she knows its HIM not calling - NOT you preventing her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#18 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

neveragain

Keep Telling Her That It's NOT Her Fault

Keep your cool. Stay calm and focused. Keep your attention on her and focus on HER. HE doesn't....he makes it all about HIM. You can intervene with loving kindness and SHOW your daughter how special and important SHE is. DO NOT LET HER TALK TO HIM if it isn't his appointed time. Document his comments, tone of voice and be sure and save every voicemail message he leaves. It's vital that you do all these things and focus heavily on keeping your daughter protected. She is confused, bewildered and scared. You have to be the Protective Angel and stay calm and kind. She will gain strength and trust knowing that you are able to handle this. You're going to be fine. You can do this. You may not be able to save her from having to go through some of the pain but that ISN'T YOUR FAULT. DO NOT feel guilty. Guilt is one of the Narcissist's favorite weapons. DO NOT let him use it on you OR your daughter. Keep talking to your daughter and re-enforcing that the N in your life is resonsible for what he's doing and saying. He created this...not you. Stay strong. You are NOT alone. Hugs, neveragain

#19 Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

nhtmf

How I hate it when

How I hate it when people,especially parents, mess with their kids. Having an N mother messed me up for life. Two Words--- Sick Fuck. I wish I could kick his ass on your behalf but I am not that way and it wouldn't do any good anyway. Good luck and let us all know how things are progressing for you. In my thoughts and prayers...............Deb

#20 Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

NanC (not verified)

Deb

Did you read where I said we went to court last Friday and he told my lawyer I wouldn't allow him to see his child? (An hour after court I asked him if he was getting her since it was his weekend and he said, No, I can't.) He could get her today from 6-8 and as of yet, we have not heard from him. What a fake! Any advice you can give me?

#21 Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

nhtmf

I guess like everyone has

I guess like everyone has been saying DOCUMENT it all. Growing up with an N mom and later the N boyfriend I actually twice in my life and many years apart went out and bought a voice activated tape recorder. They go for about 30$ and its the best money I could have spent. Keeping it totally secret from the N's. Imagine, since they lie all the time, when they are acting all good guy and their tounge is on fire with lies just slipping out, you whip out the recorder and play for the courts, God and the N to hear what was really said. You can only get away with this once but it sure kept my XNs from calling me a liar again............Tape till your heart's content. Hours if need be. This is a fight. Be savvy and smart. Do not pull any punches, he's not. Let me know how you're doing. Best wishes and prayers to you. Deb

#22 Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

NanC (not verified)

I am definitely going to buy

I am definitely going to buy a tape recorder. Thanks alot.

#23 Sep 24 - 8PM (Reply to #11)

nhtmf

NanC, use it wisely, my

NanC, use it wisely, my friend and it will not let you down. You get one shot. Let him bury himself in court. Let him keep on talking an wowing everyone there about what a great guy and father he is. Digging deeper and deeper. Stay quiet and composed, don't even smile when you are hearing all his misdirection and lies. Be Calm !!!! Then blow the mofo out of the water with his words in his voice. Just let him try to deny things afterwards. Ok, then you can laugh. Remember when life hands you limes.....make marguritas. Keep in touch. BTW, record phone calls too. Do you have speaker phone? Worth their weight in gold. You can delete his nice guy days anytime, keep the "really how he is" stuff. Deb

#24 Sep 24 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

NanC (not verified)

Okay. yes, my cellphone has

Okay. yes, my cellphone has speaker phone. Thanks a bunch.

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