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I do think I am starting to truly recover

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#1 May 8 - 10AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I do think I am starting to truly recover

I still have a whole lot of issues but I am noticing that I am not on here nearly as much clinging to every word written. I am having moments where I feel detached from it and few moments where I feel truly grateful that I didnt marry him and he is not a part of my everyday life. Grateful
that I dont live in that chaos of waiting the next shoe drop.

Dont get me wrong I am still having obsessive thoughts but the hurt is not as deep. The tension in my jaws is gone. I have moments now when I am truly enjoying myself and I felt a true sense of pity (not a jealous comtemptous one) for the woman he is supposedly marrying.

I just thought to myself the worst thing these people could ever do to you is marry you. When they marry you they think you are deserving of their contempt everyday of your life. Where as when you go off and live a successful life without them you always become the one that got away to them.

I cant wait for the day when I dont care what I am to him

May 9 - 6AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Yes you are right about the marriage thing

I got hung up on the marriage thing for awhile. I thought that would be a symbol of how much he loved me and I have wanted to get married for awhile now. I never wanted to get married in my life until several years ago, I began to think is might be nice to settle down and have that with a man. Well the next one who came along after this thought of mine, was the PD and of course I thought he was the one, so I pushed for marriage. I like you am so grateful that I did not go down that mirky path and am so sorry for the ones who did, it just makes the entire healing process so much more difficult. I am glad you are beginning to feel the recovery benefits more often now. You have worked hard on yourself and deserve to be reeping the benefits now. I think the day of not caring about him is probably not far off for you. For me it came like this too, first I was grateful that he was gone. Then we had another go at it and I had very little feeling left, just that whole last ditch effort thing. Now he holds very little weight for me if any. I would give a stranger on the street more than I would ever give him again and the notion of marrying him is just gone. He could come back with the biggest ring, crying on one knee, begging for me and I would just ask him to leave. I am free, free at last and you sound like you are just about there. You have to stop the thoughts yourself, if he comes into your mind, change the thought to something else. Stop entertaining him on any level and soon he will be gone from your being. This only works when you have done the work in the steps. If he is still in your head there may be more step work to do. Look over the steps and see if there is something there that you may want to work on somemore and if not it is a case of mind control at this point. Great news. Keep up the good work. God bless, Goldie
May 9 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank you Goldie! There is

Thank you Goldie! There is still much work to do for me but I am getting there. Love you.
May 8 - 9PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Glad to hear it....it's a

Glad to hear it....it's a long road, isn't it! Happy Mother's Day!
May 9 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Same to you LOML! lets talk

Same to you LOML! lets talk soon!
May 9 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Yes - call me anytime! A

Yes - call me anytime! A good time would be 9am PST this am as I'll be on the road for awhile!
May 8 - 2PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

getbetter

YOU sound like you are getting grounded with much m ore clarity of thought about the Narc, the day will come when you do not care what he thinks of you, mark my words, it is 2 years out for me and to hell with HIM, hopefully your time will be shorter..........
May 8 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Gettinbetter

Glad to hear you are getting Better! Happy Mothers Day!
May 8 - 11AM
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Book recommendation

Hi Gettinbetter - glad to hear you're starting to feel a bit better. Sounds like you have an excellent therapist. I just read a really good book that I think may help you too. It's called Obsessive Love: When it Hurts Too Much to Let Go by Susan Forward. She also wrote Toxic Parents - another good one. Obsessive Love is good because it's about us as much as it is about them. It keeps you focused on you. Morty
May 8 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thanks Morty. I have read

Thanks Morty. I have read reccomendations for that book. Morty you were one of the first people to take me under their wing on here. I love you for that. Not only are you empathetic and caring but super intelligent too! Hope you are having a fabulous mothers day. Xoxoxo
May 8 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Happy Mother's Day to You Too

I just saw your new pic on FB. You look lovely as usual as does your daughter. I don't know if I'd call it taking you under my wing. You've helped me just as much as I've helped you, particularly with understanding BPD and co-dependency. I only come to this board now to see how you and a couple of others are doing. I really wish the best for you. Happy Mother's Day!