1st Contact in 6 weeks…Feedback PLEASE!

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May 5 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
findingmeagain
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Just look at him as sybil (if you've never seen the movie seeit

Yeah mines did that too. Just think of him as some deranged lunatic on the street corner talking to him, himself, and who he wants to be. You see folks like that and pity them well pity his azz too. Because anyone without feelings are crazy to me. Look at him like he is ted bundy hell call him ted bundy thats what i did to mines. he sat on the phone and was very quiet and listening. now usually if i'm going off he would hang up. but when i started doing the narcspeak on him he started to insult me at first (telling me i was bad in bed and other ridiculous fabrications) but as i kept it going he listened till he couldn't take it anymore. everytime he said something i did narcspeak on him. he then couldn't take it because i RIPPED the mask off ,spit on it , and threw it in his face he got off the phone lol.
May 5 - 7AM
findingmeagain
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I got to the first sentence

I got to the first sentence and was offended why are they always comparing us to someone else. see its true they see us as objects ? why would a smile in his mind think of you? you are your own individual smh yeah he is definitely a N he can't even see the difference in women they're all the same in his book. He is a azzwipe i'm sorry tova i got to just say it him saying that he "saw your picture" and it wasn't even you offends and alarms me. He doesn't want anything but some sex or something thats it remain NC tova....
May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
TovaBella
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Seriously, I know Findmeagain...ridiculous!

Findmeagain, I know I know...he's been comparing me to other women that he's been screwing for over a year now. I use to cry my eyes out ALL the time. I don't know how many nights I would have tears on my pillow because he would do it and these women he would compare me to were ALL TRASH! I would tell him this and he would get SO personally offended. He'd argue with me and say things like, "She is not trash!" "She's not a floozy!" I would explain how the behavior of these women would indicate other wise and he would try to defend himself and his actions by saying that they made an exception by sleeping with him the first night he met them because they viewed him as special. LMAO! My gosh, f*cken gag me please! I think I just threw up in my mouth! HAHA! He lives in a dream world! They ALL do! A dream world where their perfect, where women can't help but drop to their knees and beg them to sleep with them or to be seen on their arms. What the hell ever! You are SO right! All women are the same to them...merely there for THEIR pleasure! It is flat out disgusting! I'm NOT responding to him! TovaBella
May 5 - 6AM
sara-smile
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TovaBella

DO NOT ANSWER HIM! I just went through the exact same thing and the last week has been hell for me. Mine waited 4 weeks to contact me. I promise if you answer him you will regret it. I would give anything to take back everything that has happened this past week. I don’t know what your Narc wants but he wants SOMETHING. They don’t come back around because they miss you……the NEED/WANT something. My Narc wanted sex. He poured on the charm and talked about how much he missed me and how it’s always been about ME! He told me he was not serious with the OW and he only kept her around because his KIDS were attached to her!!! BS! LIES! When push came to shove he told me that he wanted to see me and be with me but he couldn’t leave her for the sake of his KIDS! BS LIES! I laughed at him and ignored him. I wasn’t going to see him in the first place! Basically what my Narc wanted was to have his cake and eat it too! He wanted the OW at home taking care of his kids and me having sex with him whenever he wanted. I can’t believe he thought for 2 seconds that I would have anything to do with that! He also told me he didn’t want me to date anybody but he couldn’t break it off with the OW but the relationship would RUN IT’S COURSE in a month or two. LIES LIES LIES! I am so thankful that he told me all of this CRAP because it helped me realize that he has not changed and will NEVER change. It’s all about what they WANT. It has nothing to do with me or you! I know this is hard but don't do like I did and start listening to him. I have beat myself up every minute of the day because I KNEW BETTER! I was strong and happy until he contacted me and then I fell back into a slump. Yesterday I finally told him to leave me alone and today I feel like my old self again. It is amazing the change in my attitude when he is back in my life feeding my head full of crap. I had to leave work early twice in the last week to get away from him. THEY ARE TOXIC! You've been doing amazing so keep up the good work! Put yourself first and IGNORE HIM. When you break NC it feels like you are starting over at the beginning again with this journey we are all on to heal. You've made it 6 weeks NC!! You are doing amazing! Hang in there and stay strong!!! Sara
May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
TovaBella
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Hi Sara-Smile!

Hi Sara-Smile! Don't worry! I WILL NOT answer him. I'm continuing with my NC. I'm sorry to hear that you broke NC and have been going through hell :(. I know it's hard...but I have full faith that you'll get back on track as if it didn't even happen :) I don't know what my ex-N wants either, but I do agree with you...he wants SOMETHING! He always does. I'm guessing he wants to do a mental dump about what things have been like for him since he started his new job that he lied and cheated to get. Boy does that make me made, Sara-Smile :(. Grrrr! I know he wants to brag about how much MORE money he's making ($35,000.00 to be exact). He lied and said he made fifteen thousand more than he really did and then the company matched it...but then he discussed how much commission he makes on top of that, so all in all, the company agreed to float him for two years with an additional twenty thousand dollars. It makes me sick to my stomach that he pretty much doubled his salary and hasn't paid ANY dues. I'm not bitter and I hope I'm not coming off that way or that I'm a bad person :(. I just have a difficult time with the way he's treated me and the fact that he's doing it to others and getting a way with it and "living the good life" at the expense of others. Do you know what I mean? You said your ex-N wanted sex, I know for a fact that my ex-N wants that. You described your ex-N and how he keeps the OW because of his kids...like you said, TOTAL BS! They always have excuses! I wish they lost an inch of the penis size everytime they lied! LMAO! I know for a fact my ex-N's would be caved in! You are SO dead on when you said, "they want their cake and eat it too!" They TOTALLY do! We're NOT f*cken puppets! To them we are SO puppets! According to my ex-N, I'm a smile on the wall! I know it's all about their needs...ours are non-exisistent (sp?) to them and it's always been that way and always will be. Like you said, they are toxic people and I'm learning this with continued NC. Thank you for the support once again. ((big hugs to you)) TovaBella
May 5 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
findingmeagain
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hmmm.... sounds like my story

hmmm.... sounds like my story too. i was minding my own business when he knocks on the door talking about how he is gonna commit suicide and he misses his family. i'm still not sure what he wanted out of me because he stuck around after the sex part. i think he wanted money which i can't believe he would even try i never gave him money during our relationship. i guess he got me confused with his OW or thought i was vulnerable and would be weak and do it. one thing about me even if i'm sobbing i still am strong. my feelings will be hurt but i've still got dignity and common sense. i guess thats why my narc said i was a woman who treated him like crap for years : translation you're a woman who i couldn't deprogram because i had to keep the mask on for years. yeah he had to play that part for years because he was staying with me. i was discarded like yesterdays trash when he got another (dumb i must add) source of supply. guess she footed the bill and gave him the money and he took off his mask and D&D'd me and threw on this "victim" mask for her . boy they sure are hilarious and typical when you know what they are.
May 5 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
TovaBella
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Hi Findmeagain!

Hi Findmeagain, Isn’t it funny, how they always try to say something big to get us to listen or try to lure you in by telling they have news of some sort?! Lol. Usually they have nothing either…it’s just a hook to get their foot in the door. I will say add to your, “I guess he got me confused with his OW or thought I was vulnerable and would be weak and do it.” I think their use to most women caving and giving in to their demands…because they are ALWAYS floored when we don’t respond/react they way they want to us too and that’s why they rage or throw a tantrum. They think they can intimidate us…what the hell ever! Haha. Your N said you treated him like crap…mine always tells me I treat him like a peasant. You know what’s funny?! I don’t treat him like a peasant, but I am good and pretending I don’t care and at being indifferent…after all, I’ve learned that behavior from his stupid ass! That use to hurt me for so long…I would ask him a question and he would flat out say, “ I’m indifferent.” SO WRONG! Real people aren’t indifferent about people they care about…especially good friends. MORON! I won’t be his source of NS anymore! I refuse. We’re better than that! TovaBella