Swan - this is from the home page of this forum written by Lisa E. Scott -
"The only way to break free from a Narcissist is to establish and maintain a rule of NO CONTACT. We must treat the Narcissist as if we are breaking a toxic drug habit. A Narcissist programs you to question yourself….question everything you do, in fact. This is his goal from the very beginning. He knows if he can cause you to doubt yourself, you will become dependent on him for validation and keep coming back to him.
It is critical that you understand you will never get over a Narcissist if you remain in contact with him. You CAN and WILL deprogram from him, but ONLY if you establish NO CONTACT. You must cut off all contact with him in order to break free".
Seeing him for ANY REASON will set your recovery time off of its track. Can he mail what he wants to give you? Give it to an associate you both know to pass along to you? Drop it between the doors? The only peace you will ever have is to maintain NC....Stay strong Swan!!! Hugs!!! WN
I convinced him to mail it to my work.
He was ok with that-I thought he'd rage for sure.
I am seeing from him now this calm, peaceful wounded heart. He is really authentically hurting b/c he's not raging at me and putting me down. He's finally realized I mean business this time. He's hurt. He's in pain emotionally.
Of course I feel for him b/c I am a caring compassionate empathetic person, but he brought all this on himself.
I need to take care of my own wounded heart.
and soul.
Thanks for the warm hugs. It does matter.
just like the nice guy you fell in love with in the beginning. That's why we hurt so much when we realize none of that was real and get stuck on the roller coaster when we believe the wounded-soul, nice-guy act they put on to suck us back in. Please don't buy into the words he uses or the pitiful sound in his voice or look on his face. They are actors worthy of Academy Awards, and they know this about themselves and probably get a big boost of supply and satisfaction just thinking about that. Stay strong and be prepared for a retaliation of some sort because you didn't cave to his manipulations.
To be authentically hurt, he has to be authentic. He's withdrawing and it's just an angle. What you are seeing is just another tactic. He's not ok with it. He'll probably blow it up into a huge benevolent act of how he's so caring to know you are hurt that he's willing to inconvenience himself to try to "meet you in the middle and why can't you just do the same.
Stay strong. It is so damn hard. You can do it. Do it an hour at a time if you can't do a day. I found the Tell me what you won't miss post on here very helpful.
Love Honor & Respect - L.
Proud of you for your decision to maintain no contact!
Please keep in mind, although he is hurting, his pain is all self-centered. He is not thinking to himself that he has lost a wonderful person. He never has valued you as a person, and in fact is incapable of attributing worth to another human being, outside of what he can get for himself from them. If he is wounded, he is wounded because he's not getting the fix he needs by abusing you. You should not feel sorry for him... not for that.
Despite his inability to grasp it, you are, always were and always will be, wonderful.
What jerks all our Narcs are for treating such a wonderful group of incredibly supportive, thought-provoking, intelligent, kind hearted women like utter garbage!
You go girls!
DO NOT DO IT.................
I convinced him to mail it to
Remember that it's all an act
don't fall for it
Swan
thank you ladies