PERVERSION

he once inserted the ping pong balls inside me, i had no idea what he was doing he just told me to trust him. Later just as we were snuggling to go to sleep he said to me 'oh by the way you've got 4 ping pong balls in your c***'. I was beside myself in panic, he just laughed. And had to help me get them out, telling me to 'push down' and i swear he enjoyed it. Can't believe I just passed it off as him being him. Have they always been this way or does sth switch on (off?) in their head? To think i expected a normal relationship with him. And I thought he was sooo hurt and betrayed by his ex... He let it slip a long time ago he 'could be bicurious, never have tho'. He played it down/dismissed it when i brought it up again. I admit i would have gone along with knowing about his toys and sexual style if he'd given me honesty, love and fidelity. Why the hell did i not see this wd never be possible? Thing is, he wasn't totally sexual all of the time, unlike my previous N. Anyway, no excuses.

ya slimy freaks, they are gross = a woman looks good with a cock in her mouth, maybe he would look good with a cock in his mouth also, ha ha ha take a pic and have it framed and send it to his mother wouldnt she be proud. THey LOVE LD relationships so they can get by with more. NO IT IS NOT NORMAL to send porn to you, other guys ya, men sometimes do that, i FOR ONE hate porn it makes me feel dirty, cheap and and like a piece of meat, when a man is obsessed with porn that IS NOT a good sign, RUN RUN RUN, narc or no narc, dont feel bad mine would bring all sorts of sexual toys and they looked like something I would use to torture someone,

In the end, my exN used to hang out with very young guys in their 20's. (he's 41) They would send naked women images to each other on their cell phones. When I saw it I told him it was not appropriate. He was a married man. Plus, what gave these guys the impression that those types of phone messages would be welcome? He said the pictures were just fun. They were funny. He showed it to me and said "Isnt this funny? See?' I said no, it wasnt. With the photo came a message. "pass it on". My N just sat there. "Deep" in thought. I asked what he was doing and he said he was thinking of how to respond to the photo. I said just delete it and when you see your buddy tell him to stop sending that stuff. He said ok. The next day I checked the phone account and my exN had not done what we agreed on (surprise) but send the photos on to other friends. He was like a little kid. He was trying to convince me that I should be amused by the photos. I was like, "why would I, a woman, be amused by these?" So the next day I found a dirty naked photo of a man and sent it to him while he was at work with the message, "Isn't this fun! Isn't this funny? Pass it on!" He was really upset by it. But the point was driven home. This was during the last week before he D&Ded me. When I stopped talking and finally totally confronted everything he did to me.

After my exNH found out about the emotional affair - Psycho-Boy literally DISAPPEARED for 5 weeks! Probably blocked me. When he came back I was still reeling and trying to deal with now being physically abused by exNH. All of a sudden - like flipping a switch - all those "I HAVE TO HAVE YOU!" declarations and his "NEED" for me disappeared. Poof!! Suddenly I was "too nice" and "too good for him" and he didn't "want to make things worse for" me... I realize now he was just afraid HE'd be busted. He then got into my AOL buddy list and methodically schmoozed every female friend I had until he found one who ALMOST went with him until his cryptic and bizarre comments about me just threw her for a loop. Despite not hearing from him in over 20 years.. I ASSUMED because we'd had a relationship once and knew each other pretty well - that perhaps it was because he felt comfortable & trusting with me that he was that way. He'd send porn and say "if it bothers you please delete" - and multiple pics of his junk saying "delete this, I just HAD to send it to you to show you how I feel about you." Putting me on the Blame-Hot-Seat for 'MAKING' him send me this garbage. When law enforcement reviewed his computer usage after he threatened me they found that he always had hard core porn on his computer whenever he chatted to anyone female - fueling his "NEEDS." There were times I'd see him online typing away and he'd tell me he was "working on one of his articles" I know now that was minor stuff - he was on The Erotic Review posting about his lunch time romps with high end escorts or on sex forums with other men bragging and swapping stories or chatting it up with paid cyberbabes. This is a man who did this in his home office with the door locked while his wife toiled away downstairs trying to keep her business going to pay the bills, and who has two children (one of them a daughter!) and is very involved in his Temple, buddies with the Rabbi and writes long articles about the importance of God in his life - as well as the need for more ETHICS in business & government. A guy who has had HIGH level jobs with at least 3 well-known CHILDREN'S entertainment firms who could not keep his mind and dick out of the gutter. He dragged me in there with him all the while covertly telling me it was MY FAULT he was 'feeling' this way. How his wife stays with him, let alone looks him in the eye now I have no idea. I lost count of the number of times I suspected something was seriously wrong and offered to find him help and he would trash me. No wonder I had projectile, sudden vomiting issues for 3 months and had to be put in a clinic for 2 weeks for the PTSD. And yet I am still vilified, called names, degraded and lied about. EVIL. Absolute EVIL. ******************* In one sentence he is likely to say how attached and bonded he is and in the next sentence remind her how disposable she is or how he will leave her or the relationship. Some psychopaths don’t say it out right but “hint” or leave clues lying about that they are thinking of leaving, or they become aloof, detached, disinterested, and distant. “He would draw me in and then push me away with various methods. I was constantly perplexed about why it seemed that he wanted a relationship with me on some levels but not on others. He was committed at times but not entirely. I’ve never been so confused about how someone really felt about me.” This leaves her feeling unstable in the relationship, unsure if she has perceived their love correctly, and wondering about the consistency of their bonding. The psychopath is likely to tell her that she’s crazy and the relationship is the same as it has always been, making her question her own perception. Or, he may tell her that something she has done has caused him to want to abandon the relationship (such as questioning him, challenging him, catching him in lies, or asking him to perform adult duties). This attaching and rejecting leaves her feeling like she is straddling an earthquake fault line. “The intensity—the changeability—how one minute it could all seem good and normal and I would forget the craziness and then suddenly the tables turned and the monster I was living with re-appeared.” Interestingly, because of the woman’s high trust trait, she will even trust the psychopath’s explanation when she has caught him red-handed. It could be in bed with someone else, swindling her money, or another horrendous lie. When prompted to choose between trusting what she just saw or found out, or trusting the explanation given by the psychopath, many of the women trust the psychopath and discount the truth of what they learned. “I opened the door and saw him in bed with another woman. By the end of the evening, I wasn’t sure I had seen it at all! He didn’t convince me that it meant nothing — he convinced me it didn’t happen and there was no one in the bed with him! "It took me forever to learn to trust my own perceptions. When you think you are going crazy, it’s easy to rely on someone else’s version of reality. It wasn’t the issue of reality I now see… it was the issue of truth.” This conflict between trusting what she uncovers or trusting his explanations will be repeated many times before the ending of the relationship. The psychopath is also likely to play mind-games with her about the trust and distrust issues. Even if she catches him, he is likely to allege she didn’t see what she saw, didn’t read what she read, and didn’t hear what she heard. Blatant attempts at restructuring her reality are not beyond the psychopath, and is a well used method by him. Overtime, this erodes her ability to do her own reality testing of what is actually in front of her and plays with her mind in ways that makes her think she is losing her mind. ..... If psychopaths didn’t like the game of manipulation, they would consistently choose women who are introverted and who would be a far easier capture than taking on powerful extraverted women. But that is in fact, exactly who most psychopaths choose the powerful extraverted woman. To that end, we have to assume that the psychopath predator enjoys watching a previously high-functioning woman turn into a reality-doubting, exhausted, bundle of nerves which he finds pretty erotic. Sadly, some of the psychopath’s women only make it out of their torment through suicide. The ultimate power triumph for a psychopath — he conquered her spirit and won. He scoops up the material assets and moves on to the next woman/ victim with the “grieving” act over her death. Other women flock to soothe his pain and the cycle begins again. Numb but immobile, she does not embrace the severity of her situation. Acknowledging the severity would force action— action she hasn’t planned to take, remember how to do, or has emotional energy to initiate. So instead, she has to deny the psychopaths behaviors, his symptoms, the relationship dynamics, and her own mounting fear that she may not survive. “I can’t believe the amount of abuse and hurt I put up with. I think it’s because he would start to cry and use emotional blackmail so I would stay. I never saw myself as the kind of person who would put up with this hurt and pain. I am angry at myself for putting up with this when it was so obviously wrong for so long.” Despite their condition, and the depth of depravity they experienced at the psychopath’s hands, the women still described the decision to disconnect as “excruciatingly difficult.” Leaving a psychopath is never a clean easy break. The psychopath is likely to have a huge reaction to “losing” his possession. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck