I wish ....

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 17 - 3AM

confused123

I wish ....

I could remember everything properly about my ex narc and his actions like you girls can ...

Everything feels and seems so distorted in my mind ... his actions , his words , his games , his manipulation , mr nice guy ....... i feel like my brain is a jigsaw puzzle that has been taken apart and im trying to put together again .... does this make sence??

I could list a million and one narcissistic things he said and did , but sometimes its so hard to recall them all ... i dont know if that makes sence ... i can't get my head around it all !! almost like my brain is gonna explode!!

#2 Sep 17 - 4AM

confused123

Question ....

Can someone also explain to me why in the past when he gets closer with another girl the more loving he is to me ?? ... and i got love you loads on the end of texts?? shouldnt i have been disgarded?? Its almost had me questioning if he's a narcissist yet in the forefront of my mind i KNOW hes fucked up! .... well , no more than me now!!

#3 Sep 18 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

Rose-Marie (not verified)

i think I remember

Confused, My understanding is that when some Narcs are infused with narcissistic supply (i.e. getting closer with another girl) it puts them on a high - hence the reason why he is being nice to you as well. He's still a narc and he's STILL f..'ed up - don't worry! Rosy

#4 Sep 17 - 4AM (Reply to #2)

tasha

hey

have you told you story?perhaps that might be a good start,maybe we could all get a feel for exactly where you are.He tells you he loves you to keep you as a supply-maybe he discarded you because you were getting to close(they fear intimacy)or maybe too strong or close to pulling his mask off.

#5 Sep 17 - 5AM (Reply to #18)

grossot

confuse 123

He's counting on your confusion. They do things then convince you it didn't happen. They focus on your faults, your mistakes so you begin to doubt yourself. We're usually self doubtors anyway. Its normal to feel confused and like its all a blur. I didn't start 'remembering' until I got in therapy, started an anti depressant and began to journal, journal, journal- very healing! My advice - get out before you do get discarded. It inevitable (to no fault of yours). ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#6 Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #19)

Monica

Very good advice...get out before you are discarded!

Confuse 123...you are SO right about getting out before we are discarded. That is exactly what I did. I knew it was inevitable. Maybe not today or next week or even next month but it WAS going to happen. So I ended it on MY terms. As expected, he did not like that at all. I left him high and dry, with a huge source of supply just vanished. And I did this right after he lost his pathological narcissistic space and was just starting to try to build a new one. I felt terrible doing it at this time but I knew that, once that space was secure, he would D&D me without a second thought. It has been harder with him because he is a passive-aggressive and a cerebral. He never hurt or abused me, it was all covert, withholding, false charm and well-timed compliments (which pretty much totally disappeared toward the end), pulling me out only when HE needed me and when HE had time for me, everything on HIS terms and HIS timetable. He acted as if he owned me, even in front of other people. Yet I was last, last, last in his life. Everything and everyone else was first. I was his living, breathing blowup doll and I outright told him that when I ended it, and told him that was unacceptable to me and that I deserve so much better. My lord, just 7 hours after I ended it he was texting me again. I know it might be dangerous to do this to him now, when all his other sources of supply for his other needs (money, status, job security, extracurricular actitivies) have all but vanished, but I was tired of being his cheap whore. I was the one who stood by him through everything, accepted him unconditionally, defended him, built him up, gave way too much of myself to him....and he just sucked it all out of me like the black hole that he is, never able to give me anything in return. I am sure I have broken the Guinness Book of World Records record for crying in the last 24 hours. How do I apply to get my name into the book? Lol. But I know my tears are tears of mixed reaction...RELIEF, sadness, adrenaline drop, shame, guilt, RELIEF. (Yes, relief is a huge part of it.) I have a weekend of activities planned to keep my mind off him. And just being able to vent here and say what I am feeling is bringing a smile back to my face. Thanks for listening, everyone.

#7 Sep 17 - 4AM (Reply to #3)

confused123

Hi tasha

Yeah i have told my story , im just still finding it so hard to get my head round it all! Its all so confusing ... hmmm yeah you're right , he discarded me coz commitment scared him and he couldnt take on a child despite his crap when we first met , and i think he's been keeping me for supply ... i need to change my number because he still texts like he's the best friend in the world and " love you" at the end ... the "love you's" are almost like a habit to him now! Ive stopped responding .... x 1) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/27/help-one-confused-girl 2) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/13/urghhhhhh-i-saw-him-unknowingly 3) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/15/i-need-help-again-im-sorry-i-havent-been-lately xxxxxxxxx

#8 Sep 17 - 5AM (Reply to #4)

tasha

sorry confused!!

Im not with the program tonight.Yeah change your number. Take your time.. it's hard to put all that has happened in context or a timeline-they do such a number on our pysche's it's hard when you step back to actually gather your thoughts together. It's like stepping out of a vortex. You cant be friends with this guy-He will hurt you again, it's in his nature to do so..each time the level of devaluation gets worst..the pain gets worst. don't buy into him anymore. Im glad your not responding.NC is the only way-inevitable harm means he WILL hurt you-without a doubt. Its going to be okay your in good company :)

#9 Sep 17 - 6AM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

they love confusion

they LOVE triangulation - having more than one supply source on the go. Many of them do this. More loving? It's a damn cover up so you won't see what's going with him... married men having affairs do this a lot. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#10 Sep 17 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

confused123

thanks tasha and barbara ...

when he was my friend , i had the most HORRIBLE gut instinct ... he was lying about stuff .. despite the crap he was feeding me and threatening me about friendship and how much of a best friend i was ... i got to the stage he still had his email password here , and needed to know all the guilt he was putting me through wasnt ME - i was doubting myself .... i checked his email and PM's ... its not me ! he has loads of supply and cybering going on ! And im ashamed of myself for doing that to him , but he was driving me nuts ! ... he doesnt know this , or what i know ... ive cut contact again ... but WHY !!! :( ........... i'm SO angry with the fucker ! even as a friend he lies despite threatening OUR friendship ! ...... Im scared to go to therapy ... i have no family around me :( ... but i DO need someone to talk to ... xx

#11 Mar 31 - 9AM (Reply to #17)

Rinalda

confused123--How did you cope with all this?

I relate to a lot of what you are saying. I think I may be going off the deep end with this guy and the other woman. Months worth of lies, deception, betrayal and the fact of having HER on the scene at work, stressing me out with her stupid need for his attention, feeding his f'n ego. It's sick. He talked friendship with me all the time, too--such bs! Have things gotten easier?

#12 Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

dolce (not verified)

dont say friend

You use the word "friend" a lot. He was not your friend. He was NEVER your friend. Capisce?

#13 Sep 18 - 4AM (Reply to #16)

confused123

.....

Yeah i know hes no real mate dolce , only reason i thought we could be is incase we bump into each other in the future at concerts etc and due to mutual friends .... was trying to keep away the awkwardness :(

#14 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

dolce (not verified)

confused123

Find a good womens support group. They will help you put the pieces together. A good therapist will understand that you are afraid.

#15 Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

confused

therapy - NOW - your PTSD is going to be permanent if you don't get help immediately!! http://www.sidran.org/sub.cfm?sectionID=5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#16 Sep 18 - 4AM (Reply to #9)

confused123

Do you think i may gave PTSD

Do you think i may have PTSD Barbara? I know your no doctor but you recognise all these things ... x

#17 Sep 18 - 6AM (Reply to #13)

Scoop

One of the problems in post

One of the problems in post traumatic stress is not being able to remember events clearly .You discribed how your mind feels like a jigsaw . This is what mine feeling like . I will think about this little bit here and this little bit there but none of the thoughts link up . It has got better in the past couple of months and im centering on one thought about him for longer periods of time .It is these thought which is how i know this is not a normal break up . You cant be friends with this man .None of us can .They are troubled people and they cause trouble where ever they go . Today i remembered my n told me about a house mate he had a woman who up and left the house and him whilst he was away one weekend , he came back to an empty house and she was suposed to have been just friends , she went home to her mum , good for her .Also i now have remembered him saying how his mother packed him off to counselling when he was in his late teens , she is a counciler her self . This is big information and would have helped me to understand the man but i compleatly forgot about this . Peru x

#18 Sep 18 - 7AM (Reply to #14)

dolce (not verified)

recalling events

It took me like 6 months before I could really start to see the BIG picture. Also, yes, remembering specific events. This is recovery and the memories come as we can handle them I believe.

#19 Sep 18 - 6AM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

confused

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seek help NOW! use that link and contact Sidran to find someone in your area before it becomes permanent. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#20 Sep 18 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

Scoop

Barbara .Today im having

Barbara .Today im having loads of flash backs of events , memories triggers i havnt had before . Could it be that because he has a new girlfriend its safe to let all these things out now .I wondered if i turned a corner , that the girlfriend and the friends with benifits bollocks was the push i needed to start to fit bits together .Could it be the NLP and brain washing is starting to wear off , but can that happen all of a sudden ,like in one day ,actualy it hasnt happened all in one day it has been a slow process but today "BAM" all these thoughts . Peru x

#21 Sep 18 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

Barbara (not verified)

perutoo

just knowing about the g'friend er... new victim probably triggered it. open your journal and start writing it all down. discuss with your counsellor when you get a chance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews