Good Guys

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 20 - 5PM

Hunter

Good Guys

Ok So Happy and I just got back from Vacation. I have a small condo in Florida. I decided to invite my male friend of 25 years. I've never had a romantic feeling for him in all that time.

He let me cry on his shoulder the first time I was Narced, Stood up in my wedding, and we have remained friends for many years. I never told him I was went for round 2 with my narc. Why? Because I knew he would freak.

My Friend has never been married, He is nice looking, considerate, fun , even has a job,He's not Gay or a Narc. For some reason he is a great friend to women but he just cant take it a step further.

I personally have no attraction to him at all. I got to thinking, he's too nice, is that the problem?

For example ,he listens when spoken to, he gives feedback and insight, We even went out to take care of a condo repair and he had lunch ready and waiting for happy and I upon our return.

Are we attracted to narcs because the give us a challenge? What is the answer?

Idealk

#2 Apr 21 - 8AM

Hunter

Good guys

I really think that this is something we need to think about. What we had with these Narcs was a shot of cocaine, a rush, exceitment! A real relationship takes time and maybe this good boring guy would develope into something deeper. My friend is Indian they beleive in arranged marriage. They are introduced to men and not forced but their families pick potential husbands! She has an amazing family, and most of her Indian friends seem to have the same good healthy relationships! This Hollywood Rush is simply BS! It's up to us to be on the look out and take things slow! Idealk

#3 Apr 21 - 7AM

spinning

Ideal, great question...

...but what confused me so much is the disordered one I was involved with presented himself as a 'nice guy.' A 'real gentleman,' opening my car door, asking 'may I call you,' listening when I talked and offering his 'counseling and guidance' as a psychology major and trained interrogator. He did not use foul language, in fact I had to catch myself early on from doing so... The thing is, he had a reputation as one who 'didn't follow the rules,' and I thought he was just unique and misunderstood. Surely this gentle lion who seemed so into "all things spinning" couldn't be the bad guy everyone said he was... ...flash forward to silent treatments, rages that included the filthiest language I've EVER EVER HEARD in my life. YUCK! I am having a rather large setback today. I HATE HIM WITH A PASSION THAT SCARES ME and I JUST WANT HIM OUT OF MY BRAIN. HE IS NOT NICE. NEVER WAS. I hope I've learned to reject 'bad boy behavior,' but my internal compass is spinning a little right now... I'm glad you brought this up, Ideal. It offered me an opportunity to process the truth... Love and big hugs (fighting against starting) spinning (again:( )

spinning

#4 Apr 21 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

Finally Faced It

disgusted.

spin - exact same with mine. Presents himself as such a nice, polite, respectful man. And, yes...I too thought he was simply unique and misunderstood. It's all part of their act, I guess. It truly disgusts me.

#5 Apr 23 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Mine too

I thought he was such a nice guy in the beginning, as did my friends. Sweet, gentlemanly, respectful of women. I too had to watch my language when I was around him because he's not prone to use foul language and I can have the mouth of a sailor. When the affair started and it was clear I wasn't able to disengage, my friend said, "This is going to be harder (to end things) because he's such a nice guy. We both know (and a 3rd friend as well) what a shit he turned out to be in the end.

#6 Apr 21 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

Hunter

Spinning

My Narc was a perfect gentleman as well, however, many red flags were ignored. As far as hate, I hate mine to the point I wish him dead! That's what he deserves. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt he called and I said "who is this"? Oh he died, it can't be you! I would love that to be reality! Idealk

#7 Apr 21 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

Ideal

That's a sweet dream!

#8 Apr 20 - 10PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I think so

I remember feeling this way 23 years ago when I was dating my current husband. I was so used to being treated badly from previous relationships, I remember saying to myself and others, "I don't know how to feel or deal with being treated nice." It was a new sensation to me as I realized I'd been dealing with "bad" boys, although nothing like the Narc I just experienced. He treated me nicely and predictably. And here I am again, only with the same man (my husband) but I have no attraction to him and we aren't even good friends anymore.

#9 Apr 20 - 10PM (Reply to #6)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

And just to be clear, my

And just to be clear, my husband is not my Narc.

#10 Apr 20 - 9PM

pinkdreamer

Im testing this right now...

.. after having back to back relationships with disordered men I seem to have found a honest, nice guy. I too worried that I was only attracted to a NARC style personality but thankfully I have found the good, kind qualities appealing. Ive been in therapy for a year and I believe that has helped me re-program my brain and change how I view potential partners. So far, so good.. knock on wood. I hope you ladies are able to find a way to value the "nice" guys too.

#11 Apr 20 - 6PM

Happy1

Idealk

That's such a good point and I felt bad that I only thought of him as a nice guy but not someone I would date. It scares me to thinking I'm only attracted to disgusting sick narcs! I hope that's the case and choose to remain single if that's really the case with me. He was so nice and thoughtful but wasn't manly enough? Crazy to say I know. ugh Does jerk = man in my head?

#12 Apr 20 - 6PM

Redhead1

I think you are on to

I think you are on to something. Even now, most of the men that stand out to me are Narcky. I am working on changing that about myself. I do notice some nice ones too.

#13 Apr 21 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

blessingindisguise

I've decided I want an Aidan, not a Mr. Big!!

If you have ever watched Sex and The City, Carrie kept going back to Mr. Big (Major Narc!) instead of staying with Aidan (Mr. nice guy). The funny thing is that she marries Mr. Big in the end and, true to Hollywood, he has changed from a Narc to a nice guy (which, as we know is impossible for a Narc). Well, I would rather have the Aidan type - good values, morals, caring, good natured, etc. I know I'm using a show to make my point, but I believe I have progressed. I can spot a Narc a mile away and they are a major turn off!

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