He is selfish

Jaded: That sickness thing and narcs....I was there when my M-in-law told my exN that she was terminally ill. I was a blubbering idiot, but he told her with a completely straight face and dry eyes "What I can do for you is go on as if everything is normal" WTF? Show some emotion? Inconceivable. Wait, I forgot...they don't have any empathy. These guys are heartless bastards.

Oh yes. Some of the things your xn told you are identical to what xnh told me. Xnh was totally self-centered when it came to me being sick. He was out of town for work right after we got married, and I got appendicitis. I was in the hospital for four days until he came back because I had stitches and stables in my abdomen, and could not get around on my own (the appendix were rupturing as they did the surgery). The hospital wouldn't release me when I was alone. The day xnh took me home was one of "his" days to have his two kids. So he stopped at his ex-wife's house immediately after I was released from the hospital, and he left me sitting in the car waiting while he was inside her house for over an hour. When he finally came out with his kids, the youngest one was obviously very sick. That didn't matter to xnh, it was HIS day. Come hell or high water, HE was going to have his kids on "his" days not their mother. Xnh took me home FINALLY after waiting in the car in agony all of this time, along with his sick kid that had strep throat. Then he decided that he "needed" to go into work anyway right after I got myself settled onto the couch, and he left me at home alone fresh out the hospital from having surgery to babysit HIS sick child. Xnh couldn't even be bothered to stay home with his sick kid that he was so determined to have on "his" day. Of course, I got strep throat from her, and spent the next many days barfing my guts out in complete misery with stitches and stables while I was baby sitting a sick 4-year old that wasn't even my kid. Xnh was nowhere around for most of this time. He didn't alter his life one little bit. Xnh's comment was, "Well I can't just take her back to her mother's while she's sick, and YOU are just sitting home doing 'nothing'." My response was, "Well you TOOK the sick kid from her mother's house KNOWING she was sick. You didn't mind exposing ME (your CURRENT wife). How about just take her right back over there? I just got out of a four day stint in the hospital, and now I'm extremely sick with strep throat from your kid as well as just having surgery." He had no empathy for me what so ever. He told me I was being a whiny baby, and I just "didn't want to help him with his kids". Xnh is a completely self-centered, uncaring bast*rd. You are absolutely correct about the stress levels being around the narc making you so sick and tired all the time. Stress takes an unbelievable toll on health problems over time (both mental and physical). This past year, since divorcing xnh, my health has improved in HUGE ways. The difference in myself now and a year ago is absolutely amazing to me. My health is every so much better without xnh and his hideous P daughter in my life. These jerks are toxic. The farther away you get from the narc, the better. Hugs.

I forgot how heartless. A friend passed away when we were living together. He didnt cancel the party at our house. I locked myself in the bedroom while a dozen people partied all around me. THe worst part was being alone and sad, listening the loud music and laughter but when these insensitive assholes played Another One Bites the Dust by Queen over and over in the room below our bedroom I could not believe it. I was so upset. I literally sent him a text and told him to knock it off, 5 minutes later they turned the music off.

Toddlers have basic needs. I have a year old nephew. My brother in-law has the same name as the ex-Psych prof's father. Go figure. Toddlers want to be fed, nursed, have company... but their needs are easily met. They're uncomplicated. I can deal with my toddler nephew... but the ex-Psych prof who's pushing 50 and acts like a toddler? Not so much!!! -When I was mourning my grandfather, the ex-P mocked me DURING CLASS. He'd humiliate me in front of my classmates, saying I needed to learn how to manage my feelings. He'd mock me because I was seeing the on-campus therapist, saying I was going to a therapist to "learn how to manage my feelings." He thought my grief was FUNNY. He'd tell his male disciples how he wished I'd drop dead&he'd repeatedly urge me to suicide. That was freshman year. -When I was dating my junior year, he'd complain to his students about it. DURING CLASS. It pissed them off, and I called him out on it. -When a friend of mine died from cancer my senior year, he immediately flaunted his live-in girlfriend. I'm talking about a TEACHER, NOT a boyfriend/lover/husband! Please remind me to send him teething toys, organic baby food. Too bad there aren't onesies for middle-aged men. Luckily there are adult diapers, thank God!!!

My ex boyfriend (2009), when I was going to Virginia for my great aunts funeral I called him to confide in him and he said "why are you calling me man, worry about what you are doing" in a very nasty tone. I got home from the funeral and was exhausted, but he knew when I would be home, so he started to call and call me. and was all nice. So like a dummy I answered the phone and he says "what are you doing, I'm ready to go party - you coming to get me or what?"

Mine let me take myself to the hospital to deal with an ectopic pregnancy which he called gross. "That thing" we made. Gross, he said he never wanted to have sex again. That was 16 or so months ago. Never gave me a nickle to help with the hospital bills either. Said to me a few months ago "that really hurt you didnt it?" No you dumb fuck, it was a walk in the park and one of the lonliest moments of my life. Not to mention when I had pneumonia last Easter and he made me go to the bar and yelled at me to stop coughing while we were there. I was so sick I could barely stand up. He didnt give a shit. It's all about him. I once passed out while we were at the casino (we were always at the casino chasing his dream of being rich because you know, he was a god and deserved to win big and be a millionaire - he never did. Once when we were broke up a friend found his profile on a dating website and it was titled BALDING BILLIONARE - I almost vomited for he couldnt even afford to pay his own bills!), after the paramedics released me he took me home, plopped me on the couch and went to his buddies for a party, came home the next day. Nine months ago I was hospitalized with severe diverticulosis. He went away on a boys booze fest that weekend, we were texting while I was in the hospital Friday afternoon but at 5:00 he was on his way to his party and never even said that he hoped I felt better or to let him know what they found out, good luck, have a nice weekend, NOTHING. Poof he was just gone for his fun weekend. When I got out I had to drive myself to the pharmacy for medication, still in so much pain, bloated, sat waiting for my prescriptions with tears streaming down my face. He could've cared less. Had another CT scan a couple months ago that indicated a concerning area and several pockets in my colon. He would not even talk about it. I was afraid to ever complain about it and it's not pleasant. If I was laid out on the couch not feeling well he would barely get me a water. Yes ladies, same a hole that would not take my trash down after be at my place for days. But he would email me if he had a sniffle and want to be taken care of and regardless of how I was feeling I would do it. I'm still struggling with whatever is going on and have more tests with a specialist coming up. Thank god he is gone and I have no expectation or even a pipe dream of him caring what is going on with my health. I do wonder and I can't help but wonder if he would even care if there is something life threatening going on. Why the hell I even ponder is beyond me when I damn well know the answer. I think many of my health issues were from being so stressed out and not getting enough food or sleep from taking care of his drunk ridiculous ass.

Mine refused to get up out of bed at 10 or 11 am to make me a cup of tea when I had the flu and could not leave the bed to go to his freezing cold kitchen... I thought he was joking but he was serious. One time I was home with a bad bug throwing up to the point where I was dehydrated and could not make it to the store. I called him for fluids and he said just go to a doctor, I have friends over watching a game... When I told him I was too sick to drive to a doc, he brought over some juices and stayed for a few minutes before he returned to his house to be with the fellas... I was last on his list - was i crazy? why did I take this?

YES!....my N (a woman)was very selfish like this as well. This is one of my stories I posted not so long ago..... I have a life-threatening allergy to pecans and walnuts. We were out moonlight bowling....narcette and her husband, and me and my husband. I ate a hazelnut (i know, why push it:) out of my husband's drink......then started the lip and facial swelling....then the wheezing and difficulty breathing....feeling you could faint anytime. It is a very scary feeling. Well narcette's HUSBAND rushes to get me an epi pen as my husband is helping me get to the car...her husband asks if I'm OK...looks concerned....calls to check on me while I'm in the ER. NOT HER!....she didn't seem phased at all by the event.....and supposedly she LOVES me. Her husband emailed me the next day asking if I'm OK and how that was so scary and he's glad it all worked out. I got nothing from HER. She didn't seem to care that I was in such serious condition....in fact seemed annoyed with her husband's concern for me. If it's not about them, they don't care! hugs for you! ~KG

Ugh. Please don't take this man back--ever. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. If a guy breaks up with you BECAUSE you're sick? (not necessarily when you're sick) ...he should not have a place in your life. Just sayin' I'm so sorry. :=( I remember too being sick. No empathy. But when he was sick? Holy hell. The red sea must part. {{{hugs}}} Please don't let him come back.

This is very typical narc behavior. They ARE selfish! They might pretend they aren't because thinking they are would shatter their perfect self image mask, but they are. In order to really care about you he would have to be 'normal' and that just isn't the case. Narcs are unable to care about others in a real way, that is part of their disorder. Mine abandoned me while I was sleeping in the middle of the night one time when I was sick and when he returned did not even ask how I was feeling or if I was feeling better. He just assumed I was since he was gone for a week. This was during the final D&D when there was little he thought I was still 'good for' anymore and he was only thinking of himself. They truly are the sick ones!!

This is so therapeutic. I wanna smack myself upside my own head. What was I thinking -being with him?!?!

He never took care of me when I was sick (which was RARE) or even when I was sad or down or neede comfort of any kind. And yet, if it was HIM who needed these things, I was there for him 100%. He was always asking me to give him backrubs and scratch his back or rub his feet. I got NOTHING of the sort. And the sex was what he wanted...no intimacy at all. Wow. Writing this all out helped me to embrace NC even more!! They are totally selfish and self-centered and only THEIR wants and needs are important. Why in the heck would we even want to BE with someone like that?? NOT ME! Yeah, he would practically disappear if I was sick or in any kind of emotional need.