I am in so much pain - please help
I am in so much pain - please help
I have to get it out. I am in such excrutiating pain, I cannot function. Thank you for not judging me. The words below may not make much sense, but I just started writing, a letter to him, of course I will never send it.....
J, I am hurting more than you will ever know. I thought I was special to you. I thought I meant something to you. How can you let days and days go by without even thinking about me, calling me, texting me. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME...YOU ONLY WANT ME FOR SEX, SEXTING AND ATTENTION. I feel like a slut, whore, tramp and that you view me as such. I don't feel love and care from you. You don't ask me about my day, you don't want to hear my voice or see how I am. You don't care. Why is this so fucking hard to accept? That you don't care. Of course you don't...what would a guy like you see in someone like me. I've wondered that from the first moment we met. You don't. I'm not special to you. I've always had the sense that I was one of many. Now I think I know I was right. And why her? WHY HER? Because she lives one mile away from you and it's easy and convenient? Because you need someone on your arm so you feel and look like a normal guy. Then go, go be happy with her and leave me alone. I have never, never felt so distraught over someone in my life. So rejected. So used. I feel sick to my stomach. Why can't I just forget you? All of you, us, there is no us. I don't understand what you're doing to me and why I come back. For what? For a few crumbs? That's all you give me...but I still want it. How pathetic. What a pathetic loser I am. Of course you wouldn't love me, of course you wouldn't. How fucking stupid I've been. So much time wasted. So fucking stupid. Two years of hoping, wondering, waiting. For what? For what?? Just tell me you're happy with her and you don't need me. Tell me. Let me go. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I hate myself, I hate who I am and what I've become. I'm a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad friend. My business has suffered, my health has suffered, I've compromised my values...all because I wanted to be loved by you, a man who is clearly incapable of showing me love and valuing me. And at the end of the day, I think about you and want you to be happy and peaceful and content. And if you were, it would be so much easier to just let go. I need to let go.
A new day.
Thinking of you today....hope
I'm glad yoga helps you! It's
You are the third person
So grateful for this forum...
You really are doing well!
Finally face that YOU are amazing!
Finallyfacedit
Anger and letting go
just breathe.
Finally Faced it 2
Finally Faced it
Finally Faced It
I'm so sorry you are in so
ROM
I know it is so very
so sorry you are in pain
Jaycee
Neverlookback's post is so on