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Checking in with a message of hope...

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#1 Apr 18 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Checking in with a message of hope...

...I wasn't sure which forum to post this on and think I'll try for both. The 'regulars' here know me as the damaged, broken, fog-filled wounded one who in early NC had cognitive dissonance so bad I didn't even know what was happening, could barely comprehend what had happened with the horrible D & D, etc. Plus my parent was dying. This was all around November.

Well, I am here to tell all of you struggling so hard with NC that I am 5.5 months NC and things are getting MUCH MUCH better. The focus is WAY OFF the disordered one...I don't even think of revenge as much...and my mood has lifted, people are responding positively to me, life is feeling actually pretty good (despite what's going on financially, with the weather, obligations, the loss of my parent). I never thought I'd reach this level of peace. I still have a way to go and still have some bad days, but I just want to let you all know that if you stay the course and shift the focus things to change for the better. Things improve a lot!

For a long time (look how long I've been a member, I joined when I was trying to get out of the disordered relationship) I knew the disordered one was very bad for me. I had NEVER BEEN TREATED SO POORLY, yet I felt I couldn't stop it. I let him hoover many times. I kept going back. I now know longer WANT any part of ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM. I cannot believe how liberating it is to be free of the high drama, the anxiety, the always waiting for the other shoe to drop, the lies, the manipulations...

Concentrate on shifting the focus. What you give your thoughts and therefore your time to is what becomes your life...

Hang in there to all who want to heal and get better. It does happen. I can't wait to experience and share more!

With deep gratitude and most sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning

Apr 18 - 1PM
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

"Concentrate on shifting the

"Concentrate on shifting the focus. What you give your thoughts and therefore your time to is what becomes your life..." Wise words. Thank you. Working on this to stop the obsessing on who he was, what he did to me, and all the other negative thoughts. I think one has to have a period of obsessing in order to process what happened before they can move on, don't you? Will distract myself today with income taxes even though that is negative too. hahaha

narcissizednomore

Apr 18 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
spinning
spinning's picture

nnm, absolutely...

...unfortunately the obsessive thoughts seem to be a big part of this whole ordeal. They are what led me here, actually. I knew something wasn't quite right... ...I spent so much time and energy trying to figure him out. Trying to figure out his motives, what was real, what was smoke and BIG TIME MIRRORS... ...Lisa has a blog on here with tips on trying to reduce the obsessive thoughts. It helped! And like you it was an area I knew I had a weakness in so I became determined to overcome! NLB, your sense of humor will help a lot too! Who wants to obsess over taxes???!!! At this point in my recovery, I'd take a house full of IRS agents over the disordered one ANY DAY (especially if they're hot and cute men!!!) Just kidding... Big hugs to you! sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning

spinning

Apr 18 - 1PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Spinning WONDERFUL news to hear you think you've stopped....

Spinning! Equally I appreciate you taking the time to share with us in the early stages of recovery as well-it helps demonstrate how with time the fog clears and we begin to see the light. I can't express how much happiness I am feeling right now that you are or at least feel you have gotten to the other side!!! I hope that you don't forget us over here - especially over here as the early stages are so filled with sadness, despair, confusion, desperation...we need as much support as we can get to make it to the second set of stages! Of course, you know we all need wisdom, guidance and encouragement, and this forum is only as good as the membership...we are all peers... Of tantatmount importance for you - now that the majority of the Narc issues are not so much in the forefront...I pray and send good vibes that as you continue through the stages of dealing with your parental loss that you will be touched by grace, comfort, healing, peace and serenity and that in moments of despair you are enveloped with an overwhelming sense of love and protection.... Hugs!
Apr 18 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Michele, braveheart,

I couldn't have made this much progress without your insights, honest sharing and help, as well as from the stories and experiences of the survivors on this board! Thank you for the good vibes and the thoughts regarding my parent. I need them and so appreciate your thoughtful, compassionate words and sentiments. Big hugs to you too!!!! Most sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning...AND LOVING IT!!

spinning