EXPERIANCED ADVICE NEEDED

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#1 Apr 8 - 9PM

I'sWideOpen

EXPERIANCED ADVICE NEEDED

I have a dilemma with I guess my first experience with a NPD. I left him 4 months ago before I even knew what I was dealing with. This is not the 1st time I have left but am for sure it will be the last. Suspicion led me to research on controlling partners. That is all I thought I was dealing with. Having done my homework know without a doubt he is indeed is pathological NPD with no other traits. I don’t need a person with a degree to tell me this. Armed with all the information I have been led to and my journal for comparison along with my state of mind these last few months tells me I am not wrong!

Dilemma is this …….. Round about the 2 month mark I caved in to what I now know is hovering… Duped into buying very expensive tickets to a concert we are to attend together. I bought my ticket he now holds. Booked a room for after as it is far from where we live. I live within 80 miles of this event , he lives around 400 miles. So, we book a hotel room. Now with all my new found knowledge did a very simple search for his online dating name coming up with almost every site you can name with him on it at this very moment.

Yes, I left he is a free man and can do what ever he pleases. Except it is just the opposite of what he is telling me. That is how he just can’t find it in his heart to even think of moving on……blah, blah, blah…. Wants me to reconsider because he is so devoted an in love with me. I have read this story over and over again here on this site. I am not good with words but you all know what I am getting at.

Finding he has posted his profile everywhere looking for his new “Sweetie” has done nothing but piss me off.
I find this information is just the medicine I needed to repair my heavy, brokenhearted, obsession I had for him, thinking all along I made a mistake leaving such a wonder caring, loving man. To the point I know I will not share a bed with him. Not that I don’t want to, but, know in view of what I have learned, how cheap and stupid I would be to do so.

So, all who are experienced with such I would appreciate any advice here as to how to handle this? Should I tell him before hand I won’t be sticking around to share his bed or wait till after the concert and politely say sorry Charlie I am going home?

#2 Apr 8 - 10PM

I'sWideOpen

I will Just give him the f***ing money

I kinda knew this was the right thing "for me" to do. Just send the money and say have a great time but not with me....

#3 Apr 8 - 10PM

I'sWideOpen

Just give him the money?

See this is where I am lost! As I said suspecting the worst I had him purchase the tickets.... What to do? Send him the money or stick him with the cost? He knows where I live! What would happen?

#4 Apr 8 - 10PM

I'sWideOpen

Really I need a solution

I suspecting the worst from him had him purchase the tickets... Promising I would settle with him... as I said he does know where I live how can I just ditch him and not make good on my promise? I would do it in a heartbeat if he did not know where I live... Just stick him with the ticket price telling him to find a new Sweetie to pay? Really stuck here........

#5 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

Steph

I don't understand how you

I don't understand how you are "sticking him with the ticket price"? I thought you already paid for them?

#6 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #16)

I'sWideOpen

Tickets

See this is where I am lost! As I said suspecting the worst I had him purchase the tickets.... What to do? Send him the money or stick him with the cost? He knows where I live! What would happen? I would not purchase my own not trusting he would turn around and give it away at my expense...

#7 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #17)

Lisa E. Scott

You owe him nothing

You don't need to pay for the ticket if you're not going. You're not going because he's a raging narc! Do you think he would physcially hurt you? Has he done this before? If so, you need to get a restraining order!

#8 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

Steph

oh sorry, i re read...you

oh sorry, i re read...you paid for YOUR ticket and he has it. Well, still. I wouldn't go. He paid his ticket and is still free to go....even by himself lol. You're only out the cost of your ticket, which sucks, but is better in the long run if he's a narc.

#9 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

Lisa E. Scott

You owe him nothing

You do what you want to do. If you want to go to the concert, then you go and say good night to him in a public place. If you do not want to go to the concert, yes you stick him with the price of it and have him find someone else to go with him. Do not let him in if he comes over. You owe him nothing.

#10 Apr 8 - 9PM

Steph

Crap. that sucks. Honeslty

Crap. that sucks. Honeslty though....I want to tell you ( and I know this is easy for me to say) but DON"T go to the concert with him. I know you paid for expensive tickets.....but if you are SURE he is a narc....don't go. The price of your dignity and sanity is worth FAR FAR more than the price of those tickets. Good luck:) xoxo

#11 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

I'sWideOpen

I really want to know

How do I do that? I'm not opposed to loosing the price of those tickets for the sake of dignity.... My sanity, worth more than anything? Here' the thing he does know where I live I have not paid for my ticket yet! He did............ Not expecting I would back out! How do I do this.. I'd love to....

#12 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

Steph

double crap on my part! I

double crap on my part! I read this after my last message. Sorry. Um, if your concience is gonna eat at you....give him the money for your ticket.....but don't go? I mean, u really don't owe a narc anything, but for your own peice of mind, maybe just give him the money.....but again...don't go. Consider it an investment made towards your dignity.

#13 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

I'sWideOpen

I think you may be right

I think you maybe right.. I really wanted to go to this event... damn... but not with him! Not now "sigh knowing what I know" So I guess I will suck it in and tough it out and do what I gotta do to make me feel better and hope he feels like hell! (fat chance) I am going to send him the money telling him fill the ticket with his new "Sweetie" or what ever suits him but not me! How's that?

#14 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #11)

Lisa E. Scott

Don't send him any money for it

You owe him nothing. You aren't going with him because he has no character. How is this your fault? It's not so don't send him any money for the ticket, hon. xoxo

#15 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

Lisa E. Scott

StayingStrong

makes a great point! Your sanity is worth far more than those tickets. I think it best to cancel altogether and avoid having to see him. Ideally, get the tickets back from him. In either case, put yourself first! xoxo

#16 Apr 8 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

Steph

yes. put yourself

yes. put yourself first....and like Lisa said...get the tickets back if you can! If not...well....start saving for a new concert and this time plan to go with a trusted friend:)

#17 Apr 9 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

I'sWideOpen

Final Decision

Gosh, Saturday morning , hung over, need to get out and make a day… You know I really feel stupid every time I post here! I don’t know why and I will get over it. Let me say I have tried talking to friends about my situation no one gets it! I hate feeling stupid! Anyway, if I wasn’t posting here I would probably be replying to his emails. Even though we have this event to attend which is still 2 weeks away. I try not to reply to any emails. I did reply to one he sent. I couldn’t resist. Got it last evening…. He wrote “alone on Saturday night thinking of you” my reply in subject line ORIENTATION: Time and date name is Friday 11:29p.m. check your calendar. Thanks so much for the advice to this post. Having slept on it and sitting here sober believe I will take Lisa’s first reply and go. I have it all figured out now. I really want to go to this event, I could not live with myself if I stuck him (not because it is him, it’s me, I wouldn’t do that to anybody, my word is worth something,) with the price of the ticket. So I will go have a good time then when it is over offer a hand shake and a thank you, then drive away. This will be my last contact with him. Safely back home I will not just block his emails rather will program my email client to not even download them to the server. ( other wise I will know where to look and read them in a weak moment) Along with him I will have to do the same with family and friend of his. I had him removed once and he went though his family to send me mail. That is how I ended up with agreeing to go to this event with him. This will be the end to my 3 year relationship with him. A repeat here… I left not for the first time 4 months ago. 2 months ago he contacted me. First two months I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I knew my mind was messed up and thought when you leave someone you should feel good about it not all shattered . I did go and talk with a counselor once. I took email to and from him in. I needed help figuring out just why this person would not fade out of my life. Did he really love me? The counselor gave me a name for the type person I was dealing with. Armed me with information…. That’s how I got here. I continued looking for more info. It really helps to know gave me reasons for my behavior and the power to stop it.

#18 Apr 9 - 9AM (Reply to #7)

Lisa E. Scott

I'sWideOpen

So glad to hear this will be your last contact with him. This is a big step and one I can tell you are serious about. Just remember to stay true to yourself by following through on your words here and I repeat: "So I will go have a good time then when it is over offer a hand shake and a thank you, then drive away. This will be my last contact with him." Do not waver, my friend, and be sure you are in a safe, public place when you bid him adieu, ok? I'm very proud of you! This is great progress! xoxo

#19 Apr 8 - 9PM

Lisa E. Scott

I'sWideOpen

You owe him nothing. Enjoy the concert and at the end of it simply tell him goodnight and leave, but be sure you are in a safe public place when you tell him you are not spending the night! I'm so sorry he is being like this, but maybe this is what you needed to wake up for good and make this the last time you ever see him again. Like you said "I find this information is just the medicine I needed to repair my heavy, brokenhearted, obsession I had for him, thinking all along I made a mistake leaving such a wonder caring, loving man. To the point I know I will not share a bed with him." Just remember how you feel at this moment and keep that feeling with you so you will never be tempated to let him back in. You tell that man ni night for good!

#20 Apr 8 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

I'sWideOpen

Thank You

Thank You over and over again!

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