broke nc ...

The ladies are right. This happens to us all. NC typically takes several attempts. I would LOVE to be able to share a story of someone who did it the first time they tried it. If someone has that story, do tell, but my experience is that it takes repeated attempts. Establishing NC for good is about progress, not perfection. The more progress you make, the closer you are to establishing NC for good. You can do this and you will do this. I'll paste exactly what I just told Jaycee because it applies here as well: The LAST thing you should do is be hard on yourself right now. You need to forgive yourself and have some compassion for yourself for a change! We have so much compassion for others, but then leave none for ourselves. This is because we've been brainwashed. Please remember this. We are completely brainwashed, which is why we have such a hard time breaking free. Which is also why this forum is so important. We are here to help reassure one another that we did NOTHING wrong and that it's not our fault. Only by doing this for one another can we ever help each other get to the point where we break free for good. Others simply do not understand. They get frustrated with us easily and do not understand that we have been brainwashed. They have no tolerance for repeated questions or obsessive ideation. We can't help ourselves, but they don't get it. We get it. That's why we're here. These men are evil and at the end of the D&D, they are doing things so blatantly cruel that they are begging us to leave them for good. I know my exnh did this to me. They either outright abandon us or subconsciously bring about the demise of the relationship by pushing us to our limits by treating us so terribly. If we weren't brainwashed and numb, we wouldn't tolerate it for a minute. Problem is, we are so programmed that it takes a lot for us to wake up. We tolerate way more than we would if we weren't brainwashed. We are losing our minds and they are sitting back and enjoying every minute of it. It's the highest form of entertainment for them. We need to help each other wake up and see the light. No one else has the patience for it, but we get it. It takes repeated reminders, but we understand why it's so hard to wake up. Bottom line - These men are playing with our heads, these men are mad! They get off on torturing us. We cannot let them do this to us anymore. They taunt us and then watch us squirm trying to make sense of their behavior. All the while, loving every minute of it. We have to be able to rely on one another to help each other through this most difficult time of breaking free for good. No Contact is the hardest part of our recovery, but once we get there and can establish it, half the battle is over. Maybe more than half the battle. Candy - Don't beat yourself up for breaking NC. It happens. Get back up on that horse with the hope that this time is the last time you have to re-establish NC. Maybe this is what you needed to wake up! Please know you are not alone. We are here for you and we will help you get through this. No Contact is the only way to go. xoxo

broke no contact by mistake today writing a text i never intended to send congratulating him on a recent professional honor and saying I missed him - my finger slipped and whoosh! this is the second time I sent him something by mistake - last Fall I sent an email by mistake in the middle of our break up when I was really not wanting contact... Lesson is to not enter any number or email address if you are just writing to write!!! Crap!!! he did not respond of course and I just stroked his ego and gave away more power. I don't really feel that bad though because our relationship is so ruined already and what I sent is something a normal person might with someone they had just shared 10 years with. Oh well...I will stick to the boards when next compulsion arises...it seems like I can go a certain amount of time like a month or two and then it starts building up again. I saw my counselor and asked for help on how to detach. I was much better at this stuff when i was younger - this is for sure the most obsessed I have ever been. Why the ___is it so hard to let go of a sick man who lives very far away who traumatized me and who does not want anything to do with me? I think it was the abandonment and silent treatment that has me crazy and wanting to rewrite the reality. Bottom line is, I HAVE to accept that he ran off as a full fledged N and that he does NOT miss me (as he said he did a month ago). I think I need to be more disciplined and i am going to start timing myself and cut it off after 15 minutes if I keep this crap up. I have fallen behind in my work and on my vacation, I am spending too much time on this instead of getting outside and having fun. I am having the least fun I have ever had on a vacation but I am glad that I took it as I need to keep living my life. I have a ton of friends here which is very comforting but I cannot talk about this stuff - i am afraid I will lose my friends -they are sick of it and want me to move on and I want to move on but need help.

broke no contact by mistake today writing a text i never intended to send congratulating him on a recent professional honor and saying I missed him - my finger slipped and whoosh! this is the second time I sent him something by mistake - last Fall I sent an email by mistake in the middle of our break up when I was really not wanting contact... Lesson is to not enter any number or email address if you are just writing to write!!! Crap!!! he did not respond of course and I just stroked his ego and gave away more power. I don't really feel that bad though because our relationship is so ruined already and what I sent is something a normal person might with someone they had just shared 10 years with. Oh well...I will stick to the boards when next compulsion arises...it seems like I can go a certain amount of time like a month or two and then it starts building up again. I saw my counselor and asked for help on how to detach. I was much better at this stuff when i was younger - this is for sure the most obsesses I have ever been. Why the ___is it so hard to let go of a sick man who lives very far away who traumatized me and who does not want anything to do with me? I think it was the abandonment and silent treatment that has me crazy and wanting to rewrite the reality. Bottom line is, I HAVE to accept that he ran off as a full fledged N and that he does NOT miss me (as he said he did a month ago). I think I need to be more disciplined and i am going to start timing myself and cut it off after 15 minutes if I keep this crap up. I have fallen behind in my work and on my vacation, I am spending too much time on this instead of getting outside and having fun. I am having the least fun I have ever had on a vacation but I am glad that I took it as I need to keep living my life. I have a ton of friends here which is very comforting but I cannot talk about this stuff - i am afraid I will lose my friends -they are sick of it and want me to move on and I want to move on but need help.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just remember how you feel after contacting him. No one ever feels good after having contact with the narc.

OH God can I relate to that post!!! Hang in there Candy! xoxo V

You will learn. I'm sure of it! It just takes awhile and sometimes we humans make mistakes along the way. Forgive yourself and get back up again. He should be missing you like crazy....if he was a normal guy....which he isn't. So his lack of missing you....is no reflection of your worth....it's a reflection of his DISORDER. Stay strong! "Fall seven times. Stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb.

Oh candy you are near and dear to my heart. I don't know if you have followed me on here but this is the narcs weapon of choice with me. I endured 5 months of it for him to break it with I'm getting married. The silent treatment one the worst if not the worst forms of emotional and mental abuse. You see what would happen with me was I would go nc for a few weeks then break it and when I did it fueled my addiction to getting a resolution to this and then I would frantically text him for a period. It was compulsive. Wow did that give him supply and the best part for him was he didn't even have to talk to me. It doesn't get any better than that for a narc. When he continues to silent treatment you it deepens the trauma which fuels your need to get resolution more. Its a vicious circle that feeds itself. I suggest you read up on repetition compulsion. You may not be suffering from this but I surely do. Look at it from this perspective someone can't give you the silent treatment if you are not contacting them right? If you think of it like that you get some of your power back

Ohhhh....gosh. I read this and literally can feel your angst and pain. {{{hugs}}} so very sorry you're hurting. :( I am going NC...today marks day 1. It is very hard to not reach out to someone you told the words...''I love you.'' Why? Because YOU are normal. Normal feeling people do those types of things. Going NC for us feels...bad because we don't like to be ignored, so we don't want to do this to another. Which is a good way to think, in general...but when it comes to these types...NC is not about them. It's about finding peace within. And NC frankly, is the only way to quiet the drama and noise. You miss him. That's ok. Pray for strength. God will give you strength. I will be praying for you.

Hello I have had the silent treatment too. GIve it back to him. NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC! At first I thought this the the worst thing in the world. Its not These creeps are poison, Just give it time. Idealk

Do not feel bad about breaking NC, it happens. The good news is that you can start NC again. Do not care about what he thinks, he is a psycho so he has psycho thoguhts. Is hard to belive that they have never loved us, but belive me one day you will belive. Give yourself time, its not about learning only is also about accepting. Becouse it is hard to accept it takes a lot of time. Hugs :)