Urgent Advice Needed

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 1 - 11AM

curlybrown

Urgent Advice Needed

I have an injunction hearing against my N this upcoming Monday. I currently have a temporary injunction (restraining order) until this Monday. The main reason I got the injunction was due to his harrassment, intimidation, and threats. We have an 11 month old child. Since I am the one that filed the injunction the court will bring up visitation with his child. He currently has no rights since we weren't married. However, if I let the court bring it up at the court hearing on Monday; the probability of me having to stay in this state is extremely high. The court does not like to separate a child from their parent. I am currently dependent on him for money to pay the bills to keep a roof over mine and the children'ts heads. However, without his financial support we will be in a dilemma. In addition, the only vehicle I have is under his name. I am not sure what to do. I spoke to my court assigned attorney; and she told me I had two options. One is to drop the injunction in order for visitation not be heard. This gives me the opportunity to leave the state. However, he can still file for me to return within six months of me leaving. If he does not file within the six months; I can file for support and so forth in the other state. The other is to file for the injunction where they will have a trial and the judge will decide whether or not to extend it; and most probably hear the case on visitation with the minor child. This will also prevent me from leaving the state. I would have to open a relocation case; which in this state they don't like to grant no matter what the circumstance as they think its best the child have little rather than no visitation with their father.

Any advice? My attorney is calling me soon for me to inform her of my decision.

#2 Apr 1 - 11AM

Hunter

Don't count on this guy for

Don't count on this guy for anything! I think you said you have family that will help you out of state? You need to look at the option that will benefit you 100% do not think this guy will do one thing he is suppose to! Unfortunately the responsibility falls on you! Get out of Dodge and start fresh! Idealk

#3 Apr 1 - 11AM

michele115 (not verified)

I think I responded to this before...

I mentioned your upping the abuse charges and going for supervised visitation... It was about a week ago...was that you or someone else? I also suggested in that post, that a loophole might be using relocation as an excuse to get away due to the trauma from his abuse... AND questioning the child's safety around him given that he's an abuser.

#4 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

curlybrown

Yes - that's me However

That was the original plan. The attorney told me today that the court doesn't like to give supervised visitation (although she will ask); as they have made cuts in this county; and child abusers don't even get supervised...ugghh so I guess your advice is to continue to push for the injunction due to abuse; and go for supervised?

#5 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

michele115 (not verified)

Try to see if you can get hearing re-scheduled

Bust your hiney to get whatever domestic violence agencies are in your area behind you. Up the ante play it up get to a shrink...get documentation spill it all out in there. Don't go "crazy" cause that can work against you...but find somene who deals with trama and abuse and spill the beans. Whatever is out there, get on the phone and start making moves. If you are still within a window to file a report go for it... If you have reason to state he's harassing you get an RO whatever you need to do. I personally don't believe in "lying" but if there are legitimate things there you need to get them documented. You want to be credible. ALSO...they are good at pushing your buttons and getting you to "lose it" in court...don't bite, be rational no matter what. Get on the legal boards, there are a ton of them online. AND start looking for cases/stories of folks in your situation and how they handled it. I helped the narc w/his divorce and ended up essentially handling the whole case...I was in a stupor of course, I'm not proud it takes work...I spent three weeks from sunup to sundown...its out there but it takes some work... Hugs!

#6 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

curlybrown

That's the problem

I can't get the hearing rescheduled at this juncture. It is only a temporary and since it is preventing him from seeing his child the judge needs to hear "his side". If I could be so lucky for him not to show in court...ahhh Anyway, if I leave...it opens up for him to file to get me to move back here...which I have to admit...I don't see him doing. If I drop it, and leave, it looks like I was playing games with the court. I am so confused!

#7 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

Again, my friend just Delt

Again, my friend just Delt with her Narc, of course she doesn't listen! Hed say on thing and do another! You need to do what works for you, if he challenges you then he does! Idealk

#8 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

michele115 (not verified)

What about an

Urgent family emergency...and coming back is a "hardship"? of course the family emergency would have to be documented...is anyone willing to "get sick" on paper?

#9 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

curlybrown

Maybe I'm not explaining clearly

I currently am in the state. The hearing is on Monday. My fear is that if I keep the injunction going and continue with the hearing it will make me stay in the state. If I drop the injunction...he will have to open a case for visitation....which I think he is too irresponsible and lazy to do. If I have him think that I just don't want to put him through the injunction...do you think he will just taper off?

#10 Apr 1 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

michele115 (not verified)

to be honest curly

I don't have that kind of experience with them to even be able to gage what he might do. It's a crap shoot I think either way... They like to torture and punish so there have been some that reported they go all the way fighting to the bitter end just because...sometimes fighting for a "right" for years then when they get it..."Poof" they don't even bother exercising it. That is the mind of a disordered individual for you. Others have reported they're very lazy and will drop it cause they're just too busy with new supply to even pay attention. You know your narc best...I wish I could give you better advise but that is pretty much the best I could do. I personally witnessed a very ugly battle between my ex and his ex wife. IN hindsight, I wish I knew more, as being blinded she looked like the bad guy and she was in my esitmation very much a victim and he used me to finish the job. It was a long ardous battle...Thank God for her she did win the supervised visitation which to this day *six years later* still stands, but she was wise, got documentation and such and had him hanging by the short and curlies...and despite that, we were still able to do some damage. They system does not protect victims which is why you have to go balls to the wall with whatever you decide to do. Hugs!

#11 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

curlybrown

I spoke to my attorney

She told me to think about it over the weekend and she will call me on Monday for my decision. Our court date isn't until 1:30p. I am leaning towards dropping the order of protection and look like "I'm letting him win"; when in reality it's just not to let the court order visitation. I'm also afraid if I were to win and get the order of protection that he will just get more angry and want me to "Pay" by taking the car; and definitely not paying any child support in order to pay for his attorney. My gf spoke to him and he's an idiot enough that he thinks she is on his side. He told her that he doesn't want to fight and continue to pay legal fees...that he just wants to see his soon "boo hoo". I know this is farthest from the truth as he never cared for his son when I was trying with him. Of course he said this after portraying me as the biggest whore and that I'm a money hungry bitch just looking for someone to take care of me. He only says that because I was his trophy. People assumed he had money when I was with him. Anyway. It gives me the opportunity to let him try to see his son and when he realizes the work it takes to raise him...he'll just give up his rights. Because he's lazy. I'm also kind of annoyed because his ex-wife had contacted me and told me how he was an unfit father...yadayada. But my gf told me not to trust her because my exN told my gf that his exwife called him telling him that I was asking her for letters. Why would she call me and offer to help for the sake of her daughter and then call him? I'm not sure what side to believe. She offered so much information. I guess I will see the truth if she never sends me the email confirmation. They have been divorced for over 18 years; and she is remarried. He also never had a relationship with his daughter; and she was the one who told me she would do anything to protect her brother. My attorney told me it may just be better to catch flies with honey and not get him so mad. However, if I was fearful to continue fighting for the injunction. I am more fearful that if I do fight he will just fight more. I'm thinking if I play his game and let him think that I'm at his mercy; he will eventually give up. I'm trying to come up with the right decision. Do I fight for the injunction; but then close the door to me leaving the state. Or do I drop the injunction, and take the chance that he will not fight for visitation; and leave the door open for me leaving?

#12 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

Hunter

Curley

You are underestimating the Idiot! He will take the car and not pay anyway. You getting him off of charges he deserves, and he will come out smelling like a rose. He knows how this works, If you think he doesn't you're fooling yourself. Idealk

#13 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

ABC0311

Hard one...

But I'd probably hold off and move. You will be in a much better place if you have family to help you through everything. I move back to my state because I knew I needed my family!s help & support and waited to file until I moved because I didn't want to be forced to stay in my old state by myself. Good luck!!

#14 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

Hunter

AGREE!

#15 Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

curlybrown

Clarification

I agree he will probably take the car in the end. The only reason he left the car was because the officer said "Man....that's not going to look good if you take the car from your son" IMAGE! I am going on that it wouldn't look good if he took the car from his son. So...if I get this straight...I should drop the charges...move...and file out of state?

#16 Apr 1 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

Hunter

Im not telling you what to

Im not telling you what to do, I know crazy, and it better to be with family during this time. You can't fight a war without an Army. Good luck Idealk

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