Feeling incredibly wounded

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 29 - 10AM

spinning

Feeling incredibly wounded

and am disappointed in myself.

On April 7 it will be five months NC. It is as if I am reliving the D & D.

I want to share the details but am fearful on this public forum. Suffice it to say that it made my head spin. By the time I got the series of texts that D & D'd me (of course he was a complete victim), he changed his phone number and disappeared from the area. This all happened in a matter of hours. The CD was horrendous. This all happened while my parent was dying. My parent is now dead. Five weeks ago. I am upset that mourning the loss is tied into the D & D and to HIM.

I have worked through intense pain, extreme hurt from being so abandoned, and over-the-top anger and revenge thoughts and powerlessness because I couldn't even contact him if I tried. And I did try to find out things in a roundabout way...it was all a setback so I don't do that anymore.

This wounded feeling has overtaken me and I am somewhat surprised and wondering if I'm EVER going to let it go. I am choosing not to wallow but find I'm really deeply hurt, though I know I'm better off without him in my life and wanted to get out for some time.

Any thoughts on this setback would be most appreciated. I feel so lost and am at the verge of tears all the time for the past two days. Am I just feeling sorry for myself?

please help if possible...

sincerely (surprised that I'm once again) spinning

#2 Mar 30 - 8AM

spinning

Thank you all amazing

women for taking the time to share. Susan, how interesting the Lenten quote you found...thank you. All of you gave me something to consider, especially with regard to the feelings of 'powerlessness.' I am so grateful for the input and I so appreciate all the support and validation. Today is a new day. Yesterday after work I went to a 90 minute yoga class and it really, really helped. For the entire time I focused only on the movements and how it felt and I realize more and more about Lisa's 'present moment' advice. I feel better and am determined to not let the MF'er steal any more of my time. I do not know what the future holds but I am promising myself to enjoy what it is I have today. You all are so appreciated I hope you know how healing and helpful it is to have found this community. Big hugs and good vibes for all to have a peaceful, (and here I'm gonna steal from Ideal) NARC FREE Day!!! Sincerely (determined to stop) spinning

spinning

#3 Mar 29 - 5PM

onwithmylife

spinning

YOU will pull through, I am over 2 years out, you are still a newbie in my book, and now and still think of him with sadness and anger, a big mixture of wth a unhuman man could treat me like this,???they leave scars for life and it is normal for setbacks and then going forward, NORMAL..

#4 Mar 29 - 5PM

gettinbetter

yes spinning I know how you

yes spinning I know how you feel. Thank God you have not had any contact its only a way to hurt you more. These people are human garbage. I will not let him steal my happiness. He will Not. Do Not let him

#5 Mar 29 - 5PM

sara-smile

Spinning

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Even before the circus that happened today I was doing the same thing. I was feeling great and doing better then all of a sudden out of nowhere I'd get really down. Sunday night I had a big pity party by myself and cried for a long time. I think with the the trauma they put us through it's normal to have really bad days or weeks! Stay strong and NC!! This will pass and you'll be back to not spinning soon! You've been doing great! Hugs to you!!!

#6 Mar 29 - 2PM

Scoop

You know that 5 months is no

You know that 5 months is no time at all and what you are feeling is perfectly normal . It takes so many months to get over a narc , couple that with the death of a beloved parent i can even imagin how you are feeling ...my goodness you are doing so well ...Seriously well , you have got a big chunk of nc behind you and that takes you well on the way to healing , keep strong as youre corner will turn very soon .. big love Scoop x

#7 Mar 29 - 2PM

michele115 (not verified)

Spinning

I'm so sorry you're feeling down...I didn't realize you lost a parent too. I'm so very sorry...that alone is harsh and then this jerk leaving during a difficult time...unforgivable for sure. I get the feeling down but in terms of time...five months...it's not exactly an "anniversary" trigger as what makes month five any more significant than month four or a future month seven? I do know spring is around the bend where I am I say around the bend because there is nothing springlike about the weather...but this time of year...symbolic of "new life"...and maybe a subliminal push pull? BUT I'm wondering if this time is attached to some kind of significant anniversary? A birthday or either your parent or maybe even the narc...or around the time you got together? It sounds to me like there might be some kind of anniversary trigger in there somewhere? OR you're still processing and you know what, these things are not ascending...they're circular despite all the ups and downs...we feel good, then we feel bad, then we feel good until one day I guess we just get indifferent and feel good. BUT you my dear are mourning on two fronts and that has got to suck! I am so very sorry hun, but we're here and if you like, pvt message me...I'm all "eyes"... Hugs!

#8 Mar 29 - 12PM

Steph

I don't think it's a

I don't think it's a "setback". It's par for the course, ya know? Good days or weeks, and then a few moments of feeling low again. I think that's normal. Don't be too hard on yourself! Have your bad day or two, cry, punch pillows or whatever you need to do. Seriously, as long as you give yourself permission to feel the bad feelings, then that good feeling you had before will inevidabley resurface. Take care:)

#9 Mar 29 - 11AM

Used

SPINNING

i feel for you,b/c i get triggered every year at this time, i once said to a friend i wish i could sleep thru it, she said it would still be there you have to go thru it to get better, so spinning all i can say is you will get thru it and stay and post to get it all out, its grief and you have to go with itx

#10 Mar 29 - 10AM

Hunter

Spinning

Oh Geeze, you 2? What is it today? It's an anniversary so it's triggering you! I will say be prepared for a guest appearance! Today I'm seeing, they know exactly when and how to strike! Just let it pass, go shopping or something! Could it be PMS? Hugs, Idealk

#11 Mar 29 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

spinning

thank you used and Ideal...

...I'm trying everything I know but I also know I must allow myself to feel this. Ideal, it's not PMS...that was taken out of my hands quite some time ago! :) I know I need to get it out, it's just a matter of not falling apart. It is so helpful to know that my "sisters" (and brothers) are here. I feel so powerless...which is exactly how he wants me to feel...and that just makes me want to puke. sincerely (surprised that I'm still) spinning

spinning

#12 Mar 29 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

michele115 (not verified)

Spinning

I understand that these feelings are not pleasant, but cognitively as you have expressed, you know it's all part of it... In terms of the powerlessness, if it's any comfort...I think the opposite is true. Narcs are so powerless they ended up narcs to hide from these feelings, they shield and they hide. The damage they do is immense. That is not to say they too in some daibolical way aren't victims themselves...but powrlessnesss, to a degree yes, and to a degree no... AS it takes great strength to feel those feelings, as powerful as they are, recongnize them and face them and deal with them and ride the wave. I don't see anything powerless in that at all - just the opposite even though it feels horrible while going through it, at the other side, the gain is a strength and wisdom you can't imagine. Narcs will never have that...and on the other side of all of this, you might even come to view it as tragic for them...but be healthy and detached enough that you're able to walk away with grace. Hugs!

#13 Mar 29 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Susan32

A Lenten reflection

"Narcs are so powerless they ended up Narcs to hide from these feelings, they shield and they hide"-I found a beautiful reflection by Henri Nouwen, a Catholic priest, about the issue of resenting helplessness. I found it a pamphlet of Lenten meditations. Tuesday of Holy Week "There is no hope in denial or avoidance, for ourselves or anyone else. New life can only be born out of the seed planted in crushed soil. Indeed, God, our Lord, 'a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise' (Psalm 51:17). What keeps us from opening ourselves both to the reality of the world around us and to God's healing hand? Could it be that we cannot accept our powerlessness&are only willing to see those wounds that we can heal? Could it be that we do not want to give up our illusion that we are masters over our world, and therefore, create our own Disneyland where we can make ourselves believe that all events of life are safely under control? Could it be that our blindness&deafness are signs of our own resistance to acknowledging that we are not the Lord of the Universe? Often we don't realize how much we resent our powerlessness."-Henri Nouwen Ns/Ps resent their powerlessness;it's all about accepting ours. It doesn't mean victimhood&passivity;it's more about boundaries&seeing things as they are. I'm powerless when it comes to healing the ex-Psych prof;I'm not an exorcist. I remember telling him once "I can't change the world, but I can change myself."

#14 Mar 29 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

Hunter

Spinning

Puke, on him! Listen to your own advice! It's been outstanding lately! Im too far away to take you out, have some fun, and get you drunk! You're Hott Stuff and he's a Turd, Assclown! So... There ! Idealk

#15 Mar 29 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

Used

SPINNING

he doesnt know you feel powerless only you know that, you will overcome this and him, it may not feel so but each time you go thru the pain barrier it lessens, you also will not fall apart[ i forbid it. lol] if you had fallen apart you wouldnt be herex

#16 Mar 29 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

spinning

Wow, great point...

...it already gives me back some of my power. You are right, used. He has no clue how I'm feeling. I'm the one in charge of that! Thank you!!!! sincerely (determined again to stop) spinning

spinning

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