I'm wondering...Do we all share something in common?

I think you're on to something here.... I lost my father when I was 18 months old and never had a solid father figure. My mother never remarried and I was basically raised by my siblings. My relationship with my mother was volatile at times and especially when I got pregnanat out of wedlock. My exN had his father walk out on him when he was 5 years old but had a step father who he claims was more than anything he could have asked for. I asked him if he ever wished he could contact his dad and his response was a look of disgust and nothing more than a brief "NO". He had to have been affected by that deeply. By age 5 you definitely are affected by the sudden absence of a parent and especially a father/son relationship. Then there's his mother. I would hear him talk to her on the phone (because I never got to meet her in our 2 yrs) and it was weird. He would call her baby and I know what you might be thinking, it was another women but I assure I could hear her through the phone. Their interaction with each other was awkward. It seems as though she was the over praiser. With Narcs they become this way due to neglect or over praise. I'm gathering that he may have gotten the best of both of these. I noticed within our relationship he bahaved like a child at times. He would talk like a baby with me and wanted to be babied at times. He would also treat me like a baby at times. I mean we would go to dinner and he'd start talking like a baby and I would get embarrassed. Although when it was private I induldged in it and I knew it was because it was something I was missing. On the flip side he was very masculine and I felt very protected by him. I know that I had my times where I behaved desperate because of my abandonment issues. I even started to open up to him about them and he seemed to understand. Although when something would go against his will and we disagreed, he would tell me that I should talk to my therapist about it and see what the response is. It bothered me so much when he would do that. It was so demeaning. It takes a lot to work on oneself and recognize that there's always room for growth and I made sure he always knew that. I honeslty felt that he admired that about me because I think he knew that there was something wrong with him but didn't have the courage to face it. He told me on two occasions that no matter what happened between us he was thankful for the things I had taught him and that I got him to do things that he never thought he could do. Lines or reality.. I guess I'll never know. I definitely think that I stayed with this man even after the first red flag has everything to do with issues I have deep with in. We also have to remember how enchanting and charming these men are. They're irresistible and I'm sure even more so to someone who is codependent, which I have discovered that I am with this experience. Great point made here TLSM...

Yep, I have major abandonment issues too. And I think since abandonment feels "normal" to us, we tend to chase after it.....albeit unintentional.

you raise some real thought provoking questions and i like that! I often thought we were pulled together by some similar issues and for me I was revisiting what I did not grieve at the time, Narc once asked me years ago if he reminded me of my late dad and I told him yes, he did look like him and had the same anger issues like my Dad, but my Dad , although he had anger issues, was still well loved and liked by many people, unlike the Narc.You probably have heard the expression what you do not grieve will later come back to haunt you, HOW TRUE that is!In the same way i believe he revisited his mother issues onto all the 5 major relationships in his life and guess what, HIS mother wanted a girl, because she had already had a boy 17 years earlier, when you wrote that, my eyes popped out of their sockets!!WOW He fulfilled his abandonmen tissues by always dropping me, but for me I do not feel I was after the abandonment, but trying to relive life with my dad and get closure from his death, guessing

I think you might be on to something...maybe that is why we feel such an instant "connection and chemistry" with them....It is a convenient way for them to feed their "It's just you and me against the world when disaster strikes...we need to prepare ourselves" motto. They want us to feel like they are are only saving grace and we should feel lucky to be with them for their protection and resourcefulness...blah, blah, blah! lol! The only problem is, they've also told the same thing to several other women!