Yes I get that with the parents same thing happened to me. Actually my parents adored him for the first year or two and then they began to witness some of his covert abuse and then he became a little embarassed to sjhow his face. When recoonected all these years later one of the first things he said was how is your Mom tell her I said Hi. I wanted to say my Mom why would my mom want to hear anything from you. She still hates you. You see they really don't get the depth of hurt that they cause.
I will say this when some time has passed and the shock and denial wears off start looking into why you would have stayed in this dysfunctional relationship so long for that is where your healing lies. I think you will find that it really is more about you than him. He's just a piece of shit. There really isn't anything in that to look into. Right now your just in survival mode but in time you will be capable of introspection
I remember when I first came here and someone suggested that I may of had a hand in this disaster. I was so mad. I was like wtf??? I was targeted by a disordered predator and now its my faultM?? I was like oh hell no!@ I'm not havin any part of that but in time I came to know it was true. The nature of the addiction to these people is core woundedness and toxic shame. When you feel up to it explore those subjects. Right now my guess is you are in too much pain to go there
Thanks, I think you are right about the core woundedness and the shame, I often feel unworthy and not good enough and I suppose I'm allowed myself to be at his mercy. I've decided I'm going to tell myself that he is dead and that part of my life is now over. You're words are very true, and I'm not upset about your advice, I'm sure it is very true as If I thought more of myself I wouldn't allow myself to have endured this for so long. I also think I got addicted to the crumbs of good sex but he's never respected me and when I go right back to the start, he didn't even respect me then. I ignored the red flags and let him dip in and out of my life at his own whim. I realise he doesn't love me and I couldn't possibly love him anymore. Fear and addiction possibly have a large part to play in all of this, maybe I didn't go and cater to him but I feel like there is an inner voice stopping me as at the end I will be all resentful again and back to square one. Thank you.
Girl you are well on your way if you are already able to admit this to yourself. The first few months, I simply was not. Go read Shari Schreibers stuff on Borderline PD and my guess is it will really hit home for you. She discusses their disorder as much as our hand in it and that the root cause of staying engaged with these freaks is our own coure woundedness. I think you will find those articles immensley helpful. The website is gettinbetter.com. This lady simply nails it.
Thanks for the website, I'm going to have a look right now, anything to strengthen my resolve and understand my own part in this sordid mess. It made me so happy when you said that I'm well on my way, right now I don't feel like that but if you say so that is empowering to me. I will let you know my thoughts if that is ok with you?
I don't feel so alone now in all this hurt and pain, it doesn't absolve it but sure stops you calling them once you get those fingers moving. Thank you for offering your assistance and I hope you are well xxx
You really are well on your way! You are taking an active part in your healing instead of sitting around licking your wounds in victimhood. Dont get me wrong there is a time and place for that but its kinda like when I had my c section and the Nurse came to get me out of bed. I was like WTF? I have been ripped open I cant move anywhere and she said yes sick of it you can. You need to do this it will speed your healing. If you lay in the bed this pain will get worse and she was right.
Im telling you the more active role you take in getting to root cause of why you were in this relationship and why you would crave a man who is clearly not nice to you the faster you are gonna heal. Dont make the same mistake I made and stay in victimhood mode too long
It will be interesting to see if any of it strikes a nerve in you
Yes I get that with the
sick of it
Girl you are well on your way
Sick of it
You really are well on your