Life

Life is a funny thing at times. Some aren't as fortunate as others to live a long life, others are sentenced to a long life of misery. Why? I don't know. I don't believe anyone knows, it is just the way it is. But what I do believe, is we are given life to do with as we choose. It's a beautiful freedom when you think about it. One that we should not take for granted, although most people do. Is it just human nature? Again, I don't know if anyone has the answer to that question either. What I do know is this................

We are all born to die. It is what we do in between that matters. Some are only on this earth for a short period of time, and have touched so many in that little time that when they leave this earth, they leave a lasting impression with those they have left behind. I wonder why that is, and I was thinking about that this evening. Isn't that what we all yearn for? To matter so intently to another, just one other person on the planet, that would be forever touched by us, that we leave a lasting impression with them? I believe that answer is yes for each and every one of us here on the forum.

We have spent a lifetime in one way or another, crippled, just like the disordered, by someone or something in the early years of our lives that left us struggling every single day to find someone that we matter more to than anyone else on the planet. We want to leave this earth, held forever in someone's heart. And we are afraid that we may never find that someone, so we hold on desperately to that one person that gave us the illusion that we mattered, that we touched their lives in a way that only we could do. Because the love that we have inside of us, we want to share with someone who truly values it. Who truly values us. And when we experienced what we did,by the hands of the disordered, we have finally become convinced that nothing we do, nothing we say, nothing we feel, will ever really matter to another living soul, the way we want it to. When our souls are raped we believe it is time to give up, to accept that we are going to be alone, and feel alone, for the remainder of our life. When we encounter the NPD in the beginning, we find for the first time in our lives that we matter, we can finally admit to ourselves that our daily struggles have now all been worth it. Only to have that glorious feeling ripped out from under us, leaving us bare, naked and raw, not only to the rest of the world, but to ourselves.

I realized while thinking about this, and the yearning that we all have to be SPECIAL in someone else's eyes, in someone else's heart, that we are, we just don't realize it or maybe we take it for granted. We have touched many people's lives and will continue to in subtle ways throughout our life. A kind gesture for a neighbor, a smile to the person standing behind us in the line at the movies, a sick friend that we visit, a family members joy that we share with them, a celebration of birth, deepest of sympathies to someone who has lost a loved one, there are many little things that we have done in our lifetime and will continue to do, that leave an impression with another person. We touch their lives, we all do.

Maybe we are not meant to be special to just ONE person. Maybe we are meant to spread ourselves to many, because we have so much love to give? Does validation really come from just another person? Or can it come from many? Do we need to have a partner through out life to complete us? Does laying down to sleep at night, to a body next to us, define us? Or can we lay down alone at night and truly feel that we have spent our day loving people that are accepting of us and appreciate us? I believe that we need to begin to appreciate the many gifts that we have, instead of concentrating on the single gift we don't have. We are blessed in more ways than we can imagine, but are so busy chasing after our soul mates to see it. We need to stop clamoring to find that one special person, and realize that WE are that one special person. Our life here is a short one, and with each day that we spend trying to prove to just one person that we are special, the disordered that does not and never will see it, we waste another precious day. And we don't stop to think about the many people that we touch each day of our lives. We do leave an impression, with many, we are loved. They are our gift, they are who complete us, we just can't see that at the moment, but hopefully one day will..........as we continue to live our lives.

Be strong, stay strong, and see the beauty within you........