Surviving a Narcissist - The Path Forward

Have you suddenly found yourself in a relationship with someone who no longer understands you? Someone you no longer understand? Are you in love with someone who is overly critical, demeaning and even cruel? Do you feel as though you can do nothing right in his eyes? Are you constantly made to feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong? Are you banging your head against the wall trying to figure out how your relationship went from a fairy-tale to a train-wreck over night?

Stop!!!!!

You have done NOTHING wrong! You may be in a relationship with a Narcissist and the first step is to Understand It. You are on the Path Forward Now!

Step 1 – Understand It


We educate ourselves on the personality of a Narcissist.


Being in a relationship with a Narcissist is like being on a roller-coaster ride that never ends. One moment, you feel loved, adored and cherished. The next, you feel devalued, discarded and abused. A Narcissist engages in "crazy-making" behavior in order to make you feel as though you are losing your mind. He wants to keep you guessing and doubting yourself at all times. This way we become dependent on him and he is in control. Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves.

We realize we do not need this person in our lives to feel whole and complete. We were whole and complete before this person entered our lives and we will be whole and complete once we end our relationship with this person. It is the Narcissist who is preventing us from being truly happy. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!



Step 2 – Get It Out


We find an outlet to share and express our emotions.


We absolutely must process our feelings before we can recover or heal from any painful experience. This is not only important for our emotional health, but our physical health as well. Repressed feelings are toxic. Research tells us unresolved emotional trauma floods our bodies with hormones, which leave our immune systems weak and vulnerable to attack. The key is to find an outlet to express our feelings and share our story.

We have a need to organize the trauma and chaos we experience in life. To express ourselves in a creative way helps us feel as though we have made sense of a senseless situation. Until we do this, we will always obsess about it. Sharing our story also validates our experience and reassures us that we are not alone in our struggle. WE GOTTA GET IT OUT!



Step 3 – No Contact


We accept the only way to restore our sanity and regain control of our lives is through No Contact.


The only way to break free from a Narcissist is to establish and maintain a rule of NO CONTACT. We must treat the Narcissist as if we are breaking a toxic drug habit. A Narcissist programs you to question yourself….question everything you do, in fact. This is his goal from the very beginning. He knows if he can cause you to doubt yourself, you will become dependent on him for validation and keep coming back to him.

It is critical that you understand you will never get over a Narcissist if you remain in contact with him. You CAN and WILL deprogram from him, but ONLY if you establish NO CONTACT. You must cut off all contact with him in order to break free.



Step 4 – Get Real


We no longer deny reality and are ready to face our Anger and Fear.


This step is dedicated to dealing with the feelings that are the most difficult to process and confront. These feelings are Anger and Fear. We avoid these emotions like the plague. There are many reasons for this, but unfortunately few of us realize how avoiding these feelings keeps us stuck.

Surrender your ego! When we do not run, we discover our innermost essence. Whatever arises, we do not judge. Give up the idea that pain can be avoided and have the courage to relax with the reality of your situation.

Anger and Fear are our most powerful emotions because they can motivate you to make necessary changes in your life or they can paralyze you to remain stuck in a state of pain. The way you handle your Anger and Fear affects all of your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself. It is critical to realize WE MUST GET REAL TO HEAL!



Step 5 – Wake Up


We tap into the power of our mind to awaken our spirit and find ourselves again.


Whatever arises, we must not judge. We must not avoid. We must use everything that happens to us as a means for waking up.

We must reverse our habitual pattern of trying to avoid pain by allowing ourselves to feel the moment and understand what it is we are meant to learn from it. We must totally commit to our reality. Only then do we experience the world fully. Only when we don’t hold back and prepare to escape, do we experience life and truly find ourselves. Commit to staying in the moment. Things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape.



Step 6 – Heal


We have a newfound compassion for ourselves and commit to live in the moment.


We must lighten up, relax and go easy on ourselves. Many of us find it easy to have compassion for others, but have very little for ourselves. It never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves. Living life with an unconditional love for ourselves changes everything.

We get rid of the “should haves” and the “could haves” and gradually discover ourselves by being honest and staying in the moment. Without any agenda except for being real, we begin to find ourselves again. We assume responsibility for being here in this messy world and realize how precious life is.


By learning from the moments in life, we become more compassionate and can aspire to live in the now. We can relax and open our heart and mind to what is right in front of us in the moment. We see, feel and experience everything more vividly. This is living. Now is the time to experience enlightenment. Not some time in the future. Keep in mind, how we relate to the now creates our future.