Iv been reading all the blogs and posts and although a lot of the questions and replies i see simularities to a lot of what iv been through and feeling right now im still a bit unsure as to whether my x is or was an N.
He is suffering from depression and sees a therapist on a regular basis.. I tried to help and hated how his depression affected him.. Things werent going well for us as he was married when we met and the usual she doesnt understand blah blah..
She did know about us and encouraged the relationship..now i know why..i think..I was ashamed, guilty couldnt go out i was afraid of what people thought of me, i loved him so much but it all started taking its toll on me i lost a vast amount of weight felt so mentally unstable i couldnt find a way out i tried to end the r/s many times not because i didnt love him but just so i could live with myself then the suicide threats started and again i was scared he would do something to hurt himself which he did and said id sent him to the dark place he was in and i couldnt live with that and once more i was again back to where i started.. The anxious feelings in my stomach couldnt eat or sleep when i think about it now he didnt help me much was more concerned for himselfand how all this had affected him.. We never went out together he didnt tell anyone of his friends about me unless of course it was to make himself look like the victim.. My friends and family were so worried for me and told me to run and keep running but i couldnt leave him he needed me or so i thought.. He had me huh then the disrespect started the way he brought me down or just that look that was sometimes all it took i knew he was losing respect he wasnt the man id met, that guy was genuine caring and i thought how could someone so nice be interested in me.. The way he started to talk to me was rude disrespectful as if he didnt give a dam i thought he loved ma as much as i loved him..who was this person.. he couldnt take it if i told him my honest opinion or anything negative but he could get personally aggresive with me or about others and that would be fine.. My heads all over the place at the minute and i am over 5weeks NC and i would never contact him hes always innitiated the contact and has only been in contact once 3weeks ago i didnt answer and will never i am trying with all my strength to hold it together just sometimes its harder than others.. Sorry about the long post..
Hi Getting Better