Finally out.

Finally out. I decided to be out when he refused to get off the dating site he was on while with me because he was "bored" with me. I feel degraded and awful. I used to seek therapy but stopped, I think it's time to go back. It's so hard when you used to sleep in the same bed as the narc, and now you have to get used to being alone. We have had a roller coaster of a relaionship for years and this is the most unhealthy one I've been in. I've never felt so alienated and alone and scared.. But we are all in its together. I know going no contact will help but these urges to contact sometimes get so extreme I feel I can't shake it. I just want to be better and happy.