My brain finally convinced my heart

I listened to the Blogtalkradio this morning. Even though I have been reading everything I can get my hands on including “The Path Forward”. Everything described my narc to a T. The entire game he played and even what he would end up doing after no contact. HOOVERING.
However, I knew was going on and tried to convince my heart I wasn’t rejected because I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, or young enough. I felt unworthy and unlovable. When we were together he had a girlfriend, he would say he wasn’t attracted to her sexually nor did he love her but he couldn’t leave her because so many issues. Even toward the end. He admitted he was being selfish because he needed help with his baby from another mother. But he loved me and wanted to be with me and promised to end it soon. Blah Blah Blah... He would say “wait for me and please don’t date anyone in the meantime”. So, I held on for a year. Then he ended it with his girlfriend and then discarded me too. He told me he needed to be single because he was in a dark place and just felt dead inside. Two weeks later, he had a new girlfriend and they have been together for two months.
My heart hurt every time I thought or heard about them. I think of how hard I tried and I wasn’t good enough. You know the beat down we do to ourselves. Lisa explained on the talk radio, sexual narcs. The two categories: sweet girl that he loses interest in sex with and then the whore. As she explains that he loses interest in sex with the sweet girl he turns to the whore. His ex-girlfriend was young and was infatuated with him. She was sweet and would never cheat on him. Always there and would never leave him. But he cheated on her for the entire 1 ½ years they were together. Well, now he’s with a new girl and from what I know is a sweet girl that is infatuated with him. He has already told me that he has been cheating on her the entire time. Even with me once. So, I am the Whore. I’m not saying that’s a good label but I understand the reason why he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I don’t feel rejected now nor do I think I am not good enough. I am actually too good for him. I see him for what he really is and I am finally at peace. Thanks Lisa!!!!