The wall

I feel like I have hit a wall. It has been 3 weeks since he told me not to contact him again. Been told that so many times, I wasn't completely shocked he would do this since his wife caught him conversing with me again. Today I have been in a very bad mood. I am ok and continue to work on the no contact by reinforcing the thought of how bad he was for me. I am just angry at myself. I can't believe I let him in again. I can't believe I listened to his bullshit. I can't believe after all he did to me, I still felt sorry for him! I know and understand he doesn't love me or care for me. I understand that I need to stop idealizing the relationship. I am mad at myself for being so stupid and doing this to myself. 8 years of the same thing over and over again.

Just needed to vent.