Back.....Again

Well, I joined about a year ago. Did I listen? (did I want to?) Did I take no contact advice? Did I block and I un-block him a hundred times until I was sucked back in??? No, I allowed my self to be duped and charmed by him. Giving, giving, giving with all the love and hope in my heart to receive, in return, verbal abuse, criticism, violence in the bedroom and total lack of any empathy during an illness. And did you know that this was my fault, because I apparently looked at another man????? Back to SQUARE ONE. Yes, I know who is and I was so alert to the pattern this time, but after a weekend of catering to his EVERY whim and need, I was told I was a spoiled brat and he was tired of catering to me. His Monday D&D is a hallmark. I know that I am now in for another struggle of seperation, of re-claiming perspective, of re-claiming all that raped from soul again. Forgiving myself of the blame for going back. Thank you for all for listening.