I have shown weakness and need to know how to proceed

I haven't posted for a while as I have managed to have NC with my X Narc soon to be X husband except when it comes to arrangements for our children. We are at the beginning of our divorce. We tried mediation but it was too early in the break up and I was in too much pain for us to come to any agreements. He filed for the divorce and now we are in the hands of the lawyers. I felt it was all getting out of hand mainly because I couldn't communicate with him ( yes the NC policy ) The papers we were given are so antagonistic , intrusive and incredibly upsetting ( ok I know a divorce is incredibly upsetting but I don't want an angry , antagonistic divorce )
He had already refused to fill out the interrogative papers and wanted to come to our own solution personally. I too would like to achieve this .
To make a long story short I sent him a letter trying to get him to understand - yeah right - as if that is going to happen ....I have shown weakness and vulnerability in this letter and after being so strong with the NC I feel I have taken huge steps backwards . It was a practical letter on some fronts - letting him know what I want and need from him in this divorce but I was also pleading for answers , empathy and sympathy (!!!!)
I will have to see him in a couple of days as we have a divorce scheduling hearing. He wants to meet before this hearing ( I have not seen him for 18 months )
Please some advice from you all . How should I deal with this ? How should I be with him ? Have I blown it with this letter ?
In a way I can look at this letter as my own slight manipulation because I have given him the impression he is in control again after so long with NC . BUT I have gained my own strengths over the last two years of separation because I have been able to reflect on what he put me through in our 25 year marriage.
Now I suppose I am scared of how he is going to manipulate this divorce now it looks like it is going to be on a personal level.
I hope I am making sense ......