Very symbolic nightmares

I am so thankful I found this site and find words to my experiences - feel like I can relate to all stories here.
One day soon I will be able to share my stories too. Tonight I had a hard nightmare again relating to my last relationship, I stayed NC for 5 weeks and even it was very hard reading all these stories helped so much ..then I heard form him - christmas greeting and all the best for 2014… and I replied short and … I really feel it took me to a worse place hearing from him. I still feel love for him but I am so angry for his behavior both sexually and emotionally that I cant see myself going back again, we tryed that many times before. Tonight I dremt I took my own heart out and it was so painful that I cant explain it.. and it feels like real pain still 5 hours later.
I realize I have had many dreams during our "relationship" the past years .. and I should have listened to them for the start.
I realize that I have woke up to see my own issues with relationships finally --so in a way I can choose to see my last realtionship as a blessing also - because I now see myself from childhood..with a narcissistic father and how it made me try to figure this out in a hidden way in choosing this kind of relationships.
But it sure hurts as hell - it is so painful I just have to focus on on hour at the time.. but I will make it!
Thank you all for sharing I am learning so much now - I am awakening!