Rene's Story

My story doesn't seem as bad as some of the stories here. I admire all of you for your strength. My story begins with my husband dying suddenly 3 1/2 years ago. The best guy I've ever known and was put on a pedestal for 16 years. Thankfully, I knew every day I was married to him how lucky I was. About 2 1/2 years after his death I had come to a place I wasn't expecting. I finally realized I wasn't living and wanted to be happy again more than anything.
Just after getting to this place, that took me years to get to, a friend told me about a new client of hers and I should meet him. Very hesitantly, I agreed. He turned out to be good looking, funny, and charming. We hit it off immediately. The strange thing was he did not want to move past being friends, but we became attached. My friends thought it was a little strange how much he texted and called, especially since we weren't dating. Then red flag number 1. We were driving one day and he tells me he got an email from a girl he was in a relationship with before moving. He was shocked she emailed him and wanted to move out to try their relationship. That same day he told me he was 36 when I know he told me he was 38 the day we met. Why I didn't run at that point I don't know. I think the brainwashing had already started. As soon as he told me about this girl he became even more attached. Literally calling and texting all day. He started staying at my house several nights a week. Nothing physical ever happened, but this is where the crazy making started. He would do things like come up behind me in a very sexual way. I never thought he was making a move, I always felt like he was looking for a reaction. Where ever we went people assumed we were a couple because there was no personal space. Arms always touching, ect..
When the girl finally moved out here I met her once, by forcing myself in. He was clearly uncomfortable. Two weeks later they broke up. She moved 2000 miles to be with him and he made her life hell from the moment she got here. He never said one nice thing about her. One time said by the time they were divorced he and I would be ready to retire and could travel together?!! Ugh crazy!! But, I of course was right there by his side. At this point I realized I was falling in love with him and was going crazy being the good friend. So I explained to him. He told me she would be leaving soon and we would be back to normal. I said to him, "What if that is not enough anymore?" He told me not to worry. She stayed for three months. The whole time he told me they were in separate bedrooms. Of course I believed him. But he didn't think it was strange that she still wore the engagement ring and went around town like a couple. As my friends pointed out several times, it's because they still were a couple! She finally left and we were together more than ever. He had his own home but I would say things like, "Are you going to be home for dinner?" He would become impatient if he tried to call or text and I didn't answer. He drove my car whenever we were together. He picked my kids up from things. Had the codes to my house. Knew the passwords for my things and so on. One day in the summer we were looking at pictures and I asked who a girl was and he said it was his daughter. I had known him for 8 months and he was just telling me about his daughter? I finally started to pull my head out of my ass and googled him. First thing I found out was he is 43 not 38 or 36. I'm 42 so I have no idea why he lied about that. Well turns out he lies about everything. I finally wrote down all the red flags and lies. When I got to # 80, I realized I was in way over my head. I could not understand any of it until I googled men with attachment disorders and stumbled across information on narcissists. He fits every aspect 100% Lies about accomplishments, travels, relationships, age, family and so on. Every person from his past is crazy according to him. I think he hates women. He moves around a lot. He thinks he is better than others, mainly by putting everyone else down to make himself look better. Has zero empathy for anyone. Deep down hates himself. The worst one of all, he constantly was covering up his lies by making me question my own sanity. He knew he was giving me mixed signals to keep me confused. This got to the point of me thinking I was crazy. Until finally one day we were in another city selling a car and the man helping us of course thought we were married and kept going on and on how he couldn't believe we weren't a couple. He then looked at the monster and said, "You're the one who keeps doing and saying things to make me think you are a couple." I literally sighed a sigh of relief knowing it wasn't all in my head.
A few weeks later I found out he was on dating sights, going out all night, which is strange because he hadn't lived here very long. My favorite, he drove to a town about an hour away around 1 am to see a "friend" This town is in the middle of no where and he was new here. Funny thing is there are two whore houses in that town, its in Nevada, so it's legal. I always thought he had huge sexual hangups.
That's when I blew up. But like a brainwashed idiot, I blamed it on the fact that I loved him and couldn't go on like we were. We went back and forth for a while about our relationship but when I finally got the balls to bring up all the lies, he discarded me. As quick as lightning, and hasn't spoken to me since.
All my friends who have not been manipulated, at one of the most vulnerable times in their lives, by a total narcissist possible sociopath, just keep telling me to move on and I should be lucky he is gone. They do not understand. I am still in so much pain. It has been three months. I know him discarding me is one of the best things that could have happened to me, but my heart won't listen. I actually texted him to tell him happy thanksgiving! Ugh! I know, ridiculous!
I am sorry this is so long. Today has been one of the tough days. Can't stop crying. How can i still feel this way when I know the truth about him? He is a monster who preyed on a widow! He manipulated me and lied to me for nearly a year. He promised me trips and holidays and everything else he knew my heart desired. He told me he loved me and cherished me. I know it was all a lie, but can't move on. Someone tell me what to do.