Sticking Plaster's Story

Was/is he a Narc? I suspect he is but would appreciate confirmation!

I've known him since we were children, we dated briefly at 18 I ended it and he went on to have a hugely sucessful, glam career - top of the range sports cars, motorbikes and all the boys thrills & toys. He never married but had one 12 year relationship with a girl 15 years younger who was at 6th form and university so never really living with him. When that ended, he met another young girl who was at 6th form then uni and that lasted 6 years. Both eventually left him. Meanwhile, I married someone else and was happy for over 20 years. During that time, suspected Narc stayed in touch sporadically and was usually quite flirty, I always felt there was a mutual attraction.

My marriage ended in 2011, suspected Narc called in to work about a month after, I told him what had happened and he offered to take me out that night to cheer me up. For 6 weeks I was wooed with flowers, dates and that magical does he/doesn't he sensation. We eventually kissed and within a week declared eternal love and that we were childhood sweetheats and soulmates. I was over the moon, he was my dream come true. He loved me, nurtured me and made me feel like I was the only woman in the world to him.

Red flag time - he is 50, single, never shared a house with a woman, never been married. Lots of people who know him at sports venues or workplaces (he has no 'office' but works in random locations sporadically or from home alone) absolutely adore him but he has no real 'mates' that he sees on a regular basis.

Red flag 2 - After a few weeks, he told me that he was 'worried about me' because I would have a drink with a meal and he was concerned I had a drink problem - I stopped drinking.

Red flag 3 - I would go out with my girlfriends once a week. He told me he would never stop me doing what made me happy - if I would rather spend time with my friends than with him, that was fine... you've guessed it, I withdrew from my friends

Red flag 4 - After 4 months he booked a romantic weekend break. I was so in love and excited. This was when the nasty side appeared for the first time. He became angry (not sure why)and drove off, leaving me alone in an unknown city at night on my own. I managed to get to a friend's house who drove me home the next day. Suspected Narc convinced me that I was to blame and I wanted him so badly that I allowed him back. I should have ended it then but I was so shocked by what had happened that I couldn't quite believe it myself!

Red flag 5 - He would vanish with no contact and feeble excuses for weekends or the odd day - usually blaming work or poor phone signal.

Red flag 6 - He told me he was my very own tough guy/ a cave man who would always be there for me but when I really was ill and needed him, there was no sign of him.

Red flag 7 - He hated me using facebook and having 'online friends'

Red flag 8 - Another abandonment on a holiday, 100s of miles from home, he got in his car and drove off because he felt I'd offended him.

Red flag 9 - Although his career has dwindled dramatically over the past 15 years, he still has a flash car (can't afford to drive it though) and will park it infront of his house to look good (I assume)

Red flag 10 - All my friends/family use my nickname. He would always use my correct name - unless we were arguing, then he would revert to my nickname - to let me know he was angry with me. He used my name as a weapon.

Red flag 11 - When he was ending it, he said it was because I was 'too content in my life' and he felt he couldn't add to it, no matter 'how hard he tried'. He said he had given everything he could but that it was never going to be good enough for me.

Red Flag 12 - in just over 2 years, he only slept over at my house on one occasion. If he was at my place, he would get out of bed, get dressed and leave in the early hours - I hated the way he did that but he said he couldn't sleep and didn't want to disturb me.

Red Flag 13 - On the occasions that we did go away, there was ALWAYS a row, he would always blame me and would sleep on the floor or on top of the bed - never in the bed with me.

Red Flag 14 - He would get very jelous if I talked to other men. On one occasion we had been taken out for dinner by one of his clients. I had politely talked to the man opposite (who had a wife at the same table) and was 'punished' by a 45 min terrifyingly fast drive home followed by a long letter telling me how it was all my fault.

That's all I can say for the moment but I'm sure that there are more flags. It ended about 5 months ago, I've already been replaced, despite being the love of his life so very recently. I will come back and add more but would really appreciate your thoughts on his condition. I think he must have NPD - he ticks all the boxes.