Emerald3974's Story

All Torn up

Hello everyone:)...I have never been to good at expressing myself..I always keep my feelings bottled up inside. Im happy I orderd the book The Path Forward..I am currently reading it. So I guess this is the first step for me to recovery by telling my story. Damn...where do I begin..ok. I am going to call my Narcissist Torn T. I met him at a wedding reception April 15, 2012. At the time I had been single for almost 2 Years. I wasnt dating because I was giving myself time to heal after Coming out of an emotional and physically abusive relationship of 8yrs with my ex who was also a Narcissist. I never knew what a NC was until I started reading about it and now I realize that I have been involved with a few. So back to the reception..lol..I was sitting alone at the table sipping on my drink. Thats when Torn T came up to me and introduced himself. He really wasn't
my type but he was charming and had such
A beautiful smile. We conversated and he ask
ed if he could take me out to dinner. I accepted, we exchanged numbers he called the next day. We began to date everything was going great. But then he started to change he started treating very mean for no reason. I was always walking on egg shells trying not to say or do anything to upset him because I knew if I made him mad he would distance himself even more from me. He never wanted to make a commitment and ofcourse he blamed it on me saying things to make me feel bad about myself. But he wanted to continue to have sex with me when he felt like it. I felt like I was constantly on an emotional
rollercoaster. So I finally ended it January 18,2013. Its been so hard, I miss him, I want to talk to him, kiss him, hug him,have sex with him. I just feel like I have to see him. OMG I feel so fucking stupid for feeling this way about a man that does not give a shit about me!! I just dont know what to do, Its embarrassing to admit but If he called me right now I would talk to him or if he wanted to see me I would consent to it in a heartbeat. Oh yeah.. I have already texted him twice he wont reply. I feel so stupid. I just want to get over him and move on with my life with out making these same mistakes again..Im just tired. Thank u listening.