messhead's story

Goodbye.

So you came into my life again when i was finally with a man who really loved me, been a borderline i was easy to pull in at time i was feeling bored id recently lost a lot of weight was holding down a job and felt the best i had in a long time (apart from the boredom down to my illness). You knew id always held a torch after our last encounter that ended with me getting beat up by your female friends i should of known. Then you started facebooking me, how you couldnt stop thinking about me and driving past my work in a hope to bump into me. That was over two years ago. I now am a emotional wreck, my self esteem is on the floor and i regained all the weight i lost after your evil tongue and mental torture plunged me into severe depression. Im now under a shrink and on medication (i wasn't previously with support from my boyfriend i was managing my symptoms). I do have mental health issues yes but jesus any progress i made or was making you made sure you stripped me of that. You had a girlfriend too whom you had a daughter with you lied and cheated on her with me. Foolishly when she found out i lied for you saying we'd had a few meetings and it was nothing. Another victim. You head fucked me so much i never knew where i stood with you or what mood you'd be in, nights out turned to carnage you had to play the hardman started arguments and fights where ever you went and dragging me along. Obviously it was my fault...how could i be so naive to believe your bullshit. I lost my job and another one after i left the first due to the depression. My daughter hated you and our relationship got so strained.I constantly felt everything was my fault. You used me so much for gigs which id buy tickets for and pay for. You even pulled other women whilst we were out TOGETHER. You threatened to hang my son, you witheld any physical contact and literally made me beg, then would tell me i was the ugliest fattest bird you'd ever been with, you never had any money and i spent hundreds on you. I finished with my boyfriend of 3 years and put him through sheer hell. My friends, family hated you and could see what you were doing to me why couldnt i?? When id flip and start seeing the truth you'd always manage to woo me back. You took drugs, drank like a fish, didnt work, was in trouble with the police. Yet i felt i loved you so much you made me feel we had a connection. I have spent months thinking about you even tho you have a new girlfriend (poor her) Looking at her facebook i see you commented song lyrics on one of her photos...our song lyrics the ones i had tattooed on the back of my neck "shes lost control" Joy Divison "our band" no doubt its their band now.That really made me open my eyes he's doing the same with her. It hurts. Im angry but sad suffering from mental illness myself i know he cant help it hes a narcissist. I always knew there was something mentally wrong but i thought i could help him, more fool me. We're off to see the same band next month im dreading it, a band we used to go and see together hes taking her im going with a friend i plan to act like hes not there and stay sober. Ive started no contact last thursday as we were still speaking via facebook it was me who contacted him. Part of me says dont go the other part says hold your head up high ignore him and dont let him know he broke you. Although i think he already knows he did. Hes going to flaunt his new skinny pretty girlfriend in front of me and love every minute. Advice please :(