foundmyself's story

My sociopathic narcissist-New here

I'm so happy I found this site. I thought I was the only one and losing my mind. I met SN about 7 years ago at work. I was going thru my divorce, at 26, and he was single, beautiful and with a body. I felt instantly in love. The beginning was awesome..I wanted to marry him. But 7 months later he felt he needed his space. 3 months later he's calling me every night again. Here I thought he missed me. We did this off and on a few more years. After he began to become a real asshole, accusing me of things, being rude and disrespectful. I told him I didn't care if he lived or died, we ran the course in each others life and bye. He left me alone for a year. Then came back telling me he missed me. We started again. He accused me of sleeping with some guy (meanwhile he's a man whore) and I changed my number and deployed overseas a few months. Low and behold I let him in my life again. We did the cutting off contact thing again. He hooked up with this girl and supposedly it was serious. He wined and dined her, shelled out money for vacations and she didn't even have to put out from what I understand. The whole year he was with me he emailed me stupid attention getters and texted me. I ignored each and every one of them until last November. I figured our physical chemistry was so great and intense maybe he did miss me and care. I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt he might be a good person. They broke up, we had our typical fights. I told him directly he was a rude, disrespectful, psychopathic narcissist only to have him email me the next day and ask me to do something. He told me I was his best friend and he missed me bla bla bla. I fell for it all. Well he is now deployed overseas until April. His emails were few and vary vague and short. He showed no interest in my life and I took a 3 days to reply and all of a sudden I was the bad guy. I told him he didn't seem to care and why should I rush. He didn't rush to email me or say goodbye when he left. I told him that he dare not insult me by calling me his best friend and he has a lot to learn. I'm not stupid and I know he was only using me when he broke up with his girl. Then he said "don't be surprised if I don't ask to hang out with you when I get back." I laughed to myself and responded "oh yeah? Is that why you just asked me to do something with you when you got back in an email last week? Is that why you were making plans for us in Oct?" Well it's been almost 2 weeks and I haven't heard a peep. I don't know if I will. But he should be careful what he wishes for cause now I'm done. The next time he emails me I found a way to reply to him as though I closed my email account. After than I will block him. If I just block him he will not stop. By him thinking I closed my email account he will stop. I'll be changing my number as well when he returns. And thank goodness he doesn't know where I live. He's good looking, a body and talented and he knows it. Not too smart, but when are they really? The sick thing is I kind of miss him. Or maybe the attention. I'm saddened that he could not treat me as a person the way he did with his ex. I did a lot for him when he lost everything. But I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm independent and I have an actual heart. So I figured I'm way ahead of the game. If the devil needed a replacement I am almost certain he will be the first in line to fill it. It took my friend to remind me that I used to be a badass and never take shit from any dude. I need to find that part of me again. Did anyone else think why did he choose me? Why did he have to hurt me knowing that I actually loved him? I actually went as far as to tell him I felt God was punishing me by putting him in my life. All it did was make him say sorry, pretend to ask for forgiveness and do it all over again. It's a sick game to wonder if he will try to contact me again.